Albert And Frank Enstein: A True Fabricated Story

Freaking News

Freaking News

Albert and Frank Einstein tells the incredibly weird but fabricated (almost true) story of twin brothers, whose similarities are uncannily indistinguishable, and yet totally opposite.

They were born sixty-one years apart in a century far far away, entirely removed from our own century—give or take a couple hundred years.

Older brother Frank, was given life in a dark dank castle located in Gernsheim, Germany in the year 1814. However, it took another four years (until 1818) for him to take his first breath. Which might explain why he remained green faced the rest of his life.

In spite of the fact that his face was described in another book as being yellowish in color.

Now being that this other book was a work of science fiction by someone other than myself—who by the way, was pretending to be an anonymous male at the time, but who in actuality was a female—I think we can safely discount the yellowish colored face description as being totally bogus. Don’t you?

But yet… it’s all totally true!

Younger brother Albert, on the other hand, was born in Baden-Wurttemburg, Germany to a completely normal couple, not singular male parents like those who fostered Frank. Yet it all took place in Germany, just as I’ve said.

Both were men of science, too. Albert explored science, while poor Frank was just a victim of it.

Did I mention that both of the boy’s dads were heavily into electricity? Well they were, and it’s all documented, too.

Would I lie to you?

Frankenseinia

Frankenseinia

Frank stood a monstrous 8′ 2′ tall, while Albert was a more diminutive 5′ 9′ minus in platform boots. Also, both appeared to have suffered from chronic bad hair days.

Mount Holyoke College

Mount Holyoke College

Albert experienced a wild and unruly uncombed fuzz on the top of his head.

This might have been due to him putting one of his fingers into an electrical socket (no doubt, in the name of science) to experience the after-effects of direct current on a persons hair?

Frank, on the other hand, tolerated a more flat-topped angular look.

Scientist still speculate as to how Frank could have maintained such an unusual look, particularly since he had a fondness for wearing metal bolts on both sides of his neck (apparently a fad of the time) which had a tendency to attract lightning bolts.

Could it have been a birth defect passed on down from his father’s fondness for playing with electricity? I tried to talk to some experts at Supercuts about this abnormality, but they appeared to be at a loss as to how to explain this rare phenomenon.

I know this to be true, as my question about Franks bolt defects (both of them) was met with blank stares from said Supercuts experts.

I guess this means we may never truly know the truth about the bolts on Franks neck, or about either of the twins weird hairdos.

However the brothers did share many other similar traits that were not even remotely close to being the same.

For example: Albert’s penchant for talking over peoples heads. Of course Frank did the same thing, but being that he was 8′ 2′ and a bit more basic, his conversations probably bordered on being less intelligent in nature. Likely due to a speech impediment which forced him to communicate only in grunts and groans.

Some other comparisons are made with reference to their brains, too.

Albert’s brain was removed and put into a jar for future study, and by experts. Not like Frank’s abnormal one which was put into his skull prior to electric shock treatments—something I wouldn’t advise.

It was a highly questionable operation, performed by a medical scientist of some repute. Seems he favored the assistants of hunchbacks, and with none of the training in the art of modern brain installing techniques.

In the end, Albert Enstein apparently discovered his regrettable relationship to Frank.

The family had been using a silent E in the front of their last name and Albert obviously sought to distance himself from Frank, and so he took to adding an i behind the E in an attempt to change his last name to that of… Einstein—avoiding the obvious phonetic implications.

Later the i came to stand for… INTELLECTUAL, thus forever separating the brothers…Enstein, forever.

keldavanpatten.com

keldavanpatten.comforever separating the brother’s Enstein, by his adopting a new spelling of their last name so that it now became…

This completely factual account about the brothers historical connection to one another—these rare photos serving as absolute proof that what I’m telling you is true, or may this post end with a sales pitch!—is soon to be a number one best selling novel.

Just as soon as I can get around to writing it.

So naturally you should send me $49.95 (a possible suggested retail price) in advance, and as soon as possible. You see, I need the proper motivation to write it.

That way you won’t miss out on getting your own (rubber stamped autographed) copy from Barnes and Noble, before they sell out of my books entire first edition.

Otherwise, you just might have to settle for a cheaper looking $12.95 paperback.

Trust me, it won’t look nearly as sophisticated—or even contain my fancy rubber stamped autograph—sitting down there on that dusty bottom shelf of yours.

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54 comments on “Albert And Frank Enstein: A True Fabricated Story

    • Annika, that is the ultimate compliment, highest praise an (almost) writer can receive. Well that an money. So if you want to send tens and twenty’s I’m not above accepting them. But in all seriousness Annika, I’m delighted to put a smile on your face. Thank you. 😀

    • Well I would have much rather drank the stuff Kate, but hitting the stuff became so much easier when I couldn’t find a glass for the eggnog. That’s when I when I had a temper tantrum, and my wife sent me to my room. Anyway, I may just turn this whole, hitting the eggnog thing, into a new holiday tradition. You know, like that whole throwing the glasses into the fireplace thing that people do every New Years. 😀

    • Wow Scott, you must have read the back flap of one of th0se early bootlegged copies of my book. Yep, it’s an autobiographical account of the Enstein’s middle brother, Iris. Iris Enstein was always jealous of his two brothers and their fame. This was probably due to the fact that he was actually a woman! But she eventually got over it, changed her name, and has grown up to become famous in her own right. She’s now an employee of Apple. You might know her better as the knowledge navigator called, Siri.

    • And to think that my book is so much more interesting. Still, I’m taking nothing for granted here and have begun working on a screen adaptation of my book, whereby the villagers who chase poor Frank up into that windmill are actually zombies who were once big time studio moguls bitten while on the set of Pride Prejudice and Zombies! In the movie version of my book, Frank Enstein will actually beat back the zombie mogul hoard, and not get destroyed by the fire. Instead, in spite of the zombie mogul hoards determination to chew him up and spit him out—which often happens in Hollywood today—he’ll manage to turn the tables on them and get them to turn him into a star in some movie called… Frankenstein! 😀

    • Not to worry Sheila, nobody else did either. I got lucky, though, I made the connection after getting my finger stuck in a light socket. You can imagine the shock WHEN IT CAME TO ME. Not that the Ensteins were brothers… but the actual shock from electricity. Fortunately I survived that and made the discovery of the hidden truth behind the brothers, Enstein. 😀

    • Well these things just kind of come to me Johanna, and I felt it my responsibility—obligation really—to share this vital information with the public who has been denied—far too long I might add—the truth about individuals (from our past) who made a difference. I feel “People Magazine” needs to get back to reporting the stuff that matters, don’t you, and stop this ridiculous writing about celebrities being the sexiest men and women of the year cover fairy tales. Besides, everyone knows I should have been on the cover last year—BUT I”M NOT BITTER! Anyway, this is my way of doing my small part to bring back that kind important change to America again. 😀

    • Although this stupid straight-jacket—one publishers forced me to wear—has currently curtailed my “Enstein/Einstein” 2016 book signing tour, my “Enstein/Einstein” 2017 cake icing tour is still a go! I’m still looking forward to seeing you there, George. 😀

  1. There’s a lot of talk these days about “fake news”…how we readers can’t seem to discern what stories are real…and not so real. How refreshing to find a writer being so very up front about their story being truly fabricated…or a true fabrication…whatever. Anywayyyy…for $49.95 should we not expect a truly signed copy instead of a rubberized version? Are you sure “hitting the eggnog” didn’t include actual consumption? 🙂

    • Absolutely Bruce. Which is why I made sure to have my personal signature made into a rubber stamp. Wouldn’t want me to develop a bad bout of Carpal Tunnel due to signing my name —perhaps two times a month—now would you? 😀

  2. You’re right, Paul! The speaking over other people’s heads, the similarity in name (apart from the differences)–it all adds up! (I know Albert Einstein was also good at adding up, which is highly significant.) But over and above this mountain of incredible evidence you’ve amassed, it’s really those high-quality, entirely convincing photographs that put the case beyond any doubt.

    • You have no idea how hard it was to get those glossy black and white photos of proof, while doing my research for this soon to be written biography. Why I had to pour over Google images for nearly thirty whole seconds! Trying to get all the facts straight when you decide to take on a work of fiction like this is such a time consuming process.

  3. Hahaha. Brilliant… I love your writing… and gotta say you have a gift when it comes to persuasion. I am close to send you the money, mind you 😉
    Wishing you happy holidays my friend 😀

    • Thank you, Daal. I think my post might have been born out of a (artificially reported) factoid, not yet discovered in the National Inquirer (next to the “Batboy Caught Stalking Adam West In His Closet” article), so you just know it has to be true! And I’m delighted to hear you say (well actually, read) that you feel my (I’m almost inspired to write) new book, will be a bargain at any price. That’s because I now feel I should ask my—as of yet to be found, but they’ll be lucky to have me, publisher—to perhaps demand a higher price from an unsuspecting book buying public on the off chance—I might only sell two or three copies, no matter how unlikely that possibility. Daal, I also would like to express how deliriously happy (could be a fever, but I doubt it) that you’ve found my blog, because it proves to me (at least) that those bread- crumbs I dropped, really do work! No seriously I’m thrilled you found me, and I hope my posts always give you a lot of laughs. :O)

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