I was greeted by my family with uncontrollable laughter. That’s because the Boy-Blunder here (I’ll deal with him later), took a picture of me in my Batmobile—while I wasn’t wearing my secret identity!
Oh alright, and because I attempted to bribe all of them with Bit-coin (just the most valuable currency on the entire planet) into writing my bio.
Naturally I took their laughter to mean that they wanted me to write my own pack of lies.
So I did.
So as it stands now, a brush with fame has consistently eluded me. No doubt, this will come as quite a shock to most of you, since practically none of you have ever read this “about” page before.
My search (and we’re talking in the future here) was to include hardware and antique stores, but I was never able to acquire a modified DeLorean capable of time travel.
Well not by legal means anyway.
All the same, I have since come to the conclusion that a common household cleaning object (namely a brush) will never reach celebrity status—thus, thereby effectively ending that totally ridiculous search, and waste of time.
That meant that I had to find a new waste of time, and that’s how this blog came about.
This might possibly be the worst blog anybody has never read. Now I’d always felt—from age five on in fact—that I could one day realize my dream of total anonymity by doing a blog.
At first no one ever believed me, but I dare them to feel that way now.
Originally I thought about doing a personal journal, but I eventually came to the conclusion that a blog could quite possibly accomplish the exact same thing—and with even fewer readers!
(It’s here that I feel compelled to write the following disclaimer.)
In here you will find bad grammer (hee hee), pour puntuation (ha ha), and dreadful speling, if you want to be critical, which I’m sure you will. Of course, you will require a translator when reading my posts—because I am quite the expert on all the above.
However be forewarned; bring a translator and you will only add to my stats—say nothing of my ego.
Influences? Well I’ve had many, just never on anyone else. I include this fact to spare you any anxiety over your reading any further—so that you won’t blame me if you do.
The following detail might reveal more than you will want to know about me but, I’m willing to risk it—just for you.
I’M A LEO!
WELL I GUESS THE CATS OUT OF THE BAG NOW! I might as well come clean and tell you the rest. You should probably know that I own a smart phone, tablet, and yes…a television—complete with remote!
I’ll pause for a moment to let you recover from that last revelation.
You want more? No, no I don’t mind, besides, you’re bound to find out eventually anyway. One day my youngest said, that the remote didn’t belong to me. I know, can you believe it? And then he went on to say that he wanted it back or he’d call mom—yesterday.
On the other hand—yes, I do have two—I felt possession was 99.9% of the law. That is until my wife told me to give the remote back, or I’d not have a leg (legal or otherwise) to stand on if it ever went to court (which it didn’t), because I suspect she meant that literally. Amazingly, I have since found that my wife is right 99.9% of the time. Imagine that?
Hey, bet you don’t want to know a really BIG SECRET. Okay, I’ll tell you anyway.
If you keep one finger over the delete button on your keyboard—you know the one I’m talking about—you’ll actually be able to maintain peace and harmony in your house. Of course, I’ve never really pressed that button yet, but I’m confident it’s only because my family knows that if I ever did… POOF… they’d all be gone—in a flash drive accident.
However, please don’t try this at home as results may vary. And in any case, this measure should never be attempted, except as a last resort to restore peace and harmony in your home.
The preceding was a public service announcement.
Well that’s my bio. Best work of fiction, balderdash, and poppycock I’ve ever written, and it reads like a bad novel don’t you think? Feel free not to answer that question.
Nevertheless, you’re welcomed here “In My Cluttered Attic” cough, cough. I’m gratified you—or anyone for that matter—had the courage to venture in this far, as you must have really been bored to have endured reading all the above.
And although there is no financial reward for that five minutes you’ve just lost— and will never get back—please know that your noble sacrifice will be duly noted here.