To the Royal Observatory Greenwich, London:
We believe the following letter was mistakenly sent to us here at Timex by some dope of a blogger. We apologize to you in advance for the few comments our staff put in parentheses, but they just couldn’t help themselves.
We felt you folks are the real experts on the subject of Coordinated Universal Time (UTC), thus more qualified to respond to this dummy. So we decided to forward this letter onto you.
To whom it may concern (primarily him); You have been telling us bloggers (and most of the human race we might add) that for quite some time now (like, uh, FOREVER) we only have around 86,400 seconds, 1440 minutes, and 24 hours in a single day to get by on (try… precisely).
Well, I think you folks are just going to have to do a little better than that, don’t you think (oh really)?
This morning, I awoke to a ton of responses on my blog (we think he means, less than half a dozen, but work with him). Now it may have escaped your notice (we can’t imagine why?), but I happen to have a rather popular blog (well, at least he thinks so).
Now I’m finding that 24 hours is simply not enough time for me to read all the post from my fellow bloggers (if only he had learned to read), nor enough time to post on my own blog (it might have helped if he had bothered learning to write), or even try to respond to my many beloved readers—all of whom… LOVE ME!
(Did we mention, he’s also delusional?).
You may think it funny giving us bloggers only 24 hours in a day to accomplish all we have to do (bet it never crossed your minds). 24 hours may be enough time for a blogger who happens to be an idiot (if the shoe fits, buddy…) and then try and fit all of that into one paltry (Ooo big word there) day, but not me!
(Maybe he’s a bigger idiot than we thought? Perhaps he needs more than one shoe? Better make it a pair!)
Listen, I have many readers who follow me on a regular basis (he means he has 2) and I have to read their blog posts, too (they have audio books for blog posts?). These people are my friends (oh we doubt he has all that many friends). In addition, they’re expecting me to provide a quality post for them in return (no human-being can hold out that long).
In addition, my employers expect me to do a decent job (probably impossible) and get that job done on time (if only we lived in the age of miracles), or not get paid (which likely explains his being on unemployment).
This doesn’t take into consideration all the time I have to spend on personal problems (we figure he has more than a few of those). And then there are our kids (dear God, they let him have children?) who need my help from time-to-time.
(To which we can only ask…WHY?).
So guys (apparently, women don’t hold jobs) the clock is ticking (darn, wished we’d said that) and you better get busy figuring out how to give us (him) more than 24 hours in a single day, or else (or else what…more of the same?).