Highly confidential stuff.
The following is a top secret post, visible only to “Attic” readers using the secret decoder ring hidden in my last post.
THIS IS A SPECIAL BULLETIN from WordPress:
This post is visible to EVERYONE, even to the dummy who wrote it. And no, he didn’t include a secret decoder ring in his last post—otherwise we’d have one too, along with the last golden ticket from Willy Wonka! We realize this was a horrible thing to wake-up to, but it couldn’t be helped, because it went totally viral!
Anyway, we now return you to this dummy and his ridiculous post.
Welcome readers to the first “In My Cluttered Attic” super secret meeting of the (cluttered) mind. As you know by now, I struggle (every other day or so) to write a post in a timely manner. Say nothing of reading, commenting, and pressing blogger friends buttons (Uh, LIKE buttons) in an expedient fashion.
For my friends who blog about poetry, writing, art, photography, or making money—obviously this blog is not about any of those themes, or I’d have a bank account loaded with cash by now—this post is for you.
I wrote this post, to say thanks to all of you for reading my award winning humor—unworthy of a paying publication.
I am aware that some of you—like my friend Donna over at http://yadadarcyyada.com/ have followers numbering in the hundreds, unlike myself (as I have depleted my bank account in an attempt to bribe you into following me). But there is a very good reason why Donna has so many followers. She offers insightful writing——while I continue to scribble…lots of drivel.
Still, I’m grateful to all of you who follow me, whether hundreds are following you or just dozens, possibly explaining why fewer of you are following me—but that could lend an air of truth to MY slogan, “The most impossible to find blog on the entire internet.”
Some of my former readers strayed from the light known as “My Attic” (almost immediately), at the possible risk of being contaminated. Take my friend Stephanie for example over at http://onceuponyourprime.com/ who apparently felt making scads of money in her spare time, was infinitely superior to making no money from reading my blog.
I know, go figure, right?
Of course, she’s brilliant and that’s why I find reading her writing not only enlightening, but entertaining too. Not to mention that by reading what she has to say, I may yet learn the art of closing the deal.
Also, I go to great lengths to respond to my readers who take the time to comment on my blog. Once, I even tried consulting the DMV in an attempt to reach one of my many fans, Paris Hilton (well that’s who she said she was). And for that the FBI issued me a cease and desist order?
I am all too aware of the daily risk that threaten to push our love of writing onto a back burner. Why at this very minute, some sadistic fiend out there, is likely cooking up some similar (hairbrained) scheme for my site to meet a similar fate—in hopes that this blog will somehow go up in flames!
To that I say… does anyone hear sirens?
Some folks have asked me, “Paul (because that’s my name and I don’t answer to Jack) how do you keep bloggers on your payroll…uh…blogroll?”
Well I’ll tell you. Simple… I click follow.
Take for instance, my friend, Susannah from http://athingirl.com/ she offers daily insights on events she see’s happening in the Big Apple, and then there’s my friend, Kate at http://coffeekatblog.com/ who not only loves her cats, but who I also suspect believes I’m on something.
Thank goodness, neither of these fine ladies have ever been able to prove that—YET.
Likewise, there’s my Canadian partner (currently on summer camp assignment—no doubt with some moose), Paul residing over at https://captainsspeech.wordpress.com/ and my other good pal, George who is not from Canada, but who I enjoy all the same at http://theoffkeyoflife.com/ (they complete one half of the group known as “The Beatles” although, neither of them have a Beatles haircut) nevertheless, both of them have hung on my every word, and because of it… could lose their grip on reality any day now.
This should clearly demonstrate (to skeptics and anyone named,Thomas) my undeniable appeal to the rich and famous.
However, it is virtually impossible to list all the bloggers whose writing, comments, and photos would add joy to anyone’s day, say nothing of my own. Yet, you just knew I was gonna try (Inhale).
Other visiting friends to my outpost on the WordPress prairie, have even been known to occasionally contribute (occasionally?) witty comments or humorous banter to my blog, and include in no particular order;
Jan at http://jttwissel.com/ a skilled writer and friend, or my extremely talented pal, Jodi at http://lifeinbetween.me/ and further artistry comes from that far out there, Sarah at http://problemswithinfinity.com/ and then there’s the hilariously gifted, Allen at http://thecolaneconundrum.com/ or the extremely fun and skilled Johanna at https://colorpencil2014.wordpress.com/ and don’t forget another friend, Sarah from https://brandedexplorer.wordpress.com/ and all these folks offer their own special brand of humor and artistic skills—for the enjoyment of others.
I still benefit though—in spite of that.
Did I mention the amazing, Susie (and she truly is) at http://susielindau.com/ who will certainly keep you busy and inspired by her energy, and zest for life? Or how about my ever tortured friend, Sandi at https://flipflopseveryday.wordpress.com/ who puts up with me. I have another friend (oh yes!), John at http://thestoryenthusiast.com/ who helps me with my seriously lacking artistic endeavors. Also, another dear (Canadian) friend, Dale at http://adelectablelife.com/ who reminds me of what we can lose, and still we can carry on with hope. There’s my Lily (hi Lil!) at https://mixedupmoose.wordpress.com/ who has lavished me with high praise which I can’t resist soaking up. And one horrible omission on my part (at least initially, but in serious need of inclusion, as he has been with me from the very beginning), Occraz http://rational-reflection.com/2015/05/11/a-magical-journey-day-one/comment-page-1/#comment-604 who just happens to be very funny in his own right. And GP Cox https://pacificparatrooper.wordpress.com/ who not only helps us remember all those who have served, but who have sacrificed for our freedom. Thank you GP.
No, of course I’m not done yet. I have to tell you about Sarah (Yes another Sarah. What, you got a problem with that name? Well I should say not, or you’ll face the wrath of Choppy…who is totally harmless) at http://travelswithchoppy.com/ and then there’s, Jay whose fabulous movie reviews (don’t leave for the theater without them) will leave you ready for the multiplex at http://assholeswatchingmovies.com/ and the beautiful Melanie from http://amusingmyselfmusings.com/ who never gives up on life, and my friend, Tessa at https://tessacandoit.wordpress.com/ both these ladies always press relentlessly forward.
There is the very funny (okay, bitter) Ben at http://bensbitterblog.com/ and noted comic writer, Austin from https://moviewriternyu.wordpress.com/ who inspires me. And my delightful friend, Juls at https://theindecisiveeejit.wordpress.com/ who happens to be Irish like me, but who is actually from the UK.
I have sensitive, but no less important friends who visit me. For instance, Elle at https://knowleselle.wordpress.com/ and a wonderful poet, who I prefer to call, Chocolate at https://poetryandchocolateandbooks.wordpress.com/ and another couple of friends who also write great poetry, Barrira at https://unheardunspokencogitationum.wordpress.com/ and Kritika at athttps://krivashist.wordpress.com/ and simply must mention,Tricia and Ben at http://en.gravatar.com/threehandsoneheart who demonstrate real fortitude in life. Scott at http://snoozingonthesofa.com/ with his fantastic flair for family humor will leave you in stitches—and he’s not even a surgeon!
I have intellectual bloggers too who I can’t leave out of “My Attic” like Joseph at https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com/ or the lovely Aquileana from https://aquileana.wordpress.com/ and the equally lovely and funny, Mindy at https://mindykdickerson.wordpress.com/ and of course I claim another math wiz (like Joseph) a WordPress favorite of mine…https://mathemagicalsite.wordpress.com/ who impresses me no end.
Then there is the real deal (no not in poker), Mitch from http://mitchteemley.com/ the well written Mike at http://mctuggle.com/ and the equally well written Charles from https://charlesfrenchonwordsreadingandwriting.wordpress.com/ plus the erudite Eric at https://notesfromanarcissist.wordpress.com/ or the wonderful Raymond from http://axelthekey.com/ and the not to be missed http://listofx.com/ or the never to be forgot—my idol and mentor—the great Paul Johnson, whose alter I worship, at http://thegoodgreatsby.com/2011/11/03/the-take-a-sip-punctuation/ which I’m certain is located somewhere in, China.
This could have taken you all weekend to read, and I knew you didn’t have time for that. But, I hope you’ll see what I was trying to say to all of you wonderful people—many of whom I failed to mention because if I’d tried, I might still be here until 2096!
But, for those of you whom I didn’t mention—because some of you who I read, don’t even try to read my blog, or even care that I write—please know that you never go unnoticed by me for taking that precious amount time out of your very busy day—in order to make my day better.
And for those of you who do read my blog, I can’t thank you enough for ignoring actor Steve Martins Blog in favor of mine —he’s so jealous.
I wanted to let all of you know how much I wish I could read each and every post you publish, followed by me pressing the like button on your various posts after commenting on them. Unfortunately, this is not humanly possible. Which is also why I have applied for super hero status to be granted to me.
I know you crawl around “In My Cluttered Attic” in hopes of finding something entertaining to read, and all I do is reciprocate with silliness. So, I feel this thank you is hardly adequate for all the knee problems you’ve suffered on my account. However, I’m very popular with orthopedic surgeons!
You certainly deserved an honorable mention here, but I hope you’ll all settle (out of court) for this incredibly shrinking list of survivors from my blog instead. These are only some of the folks who have visited my blog on multiple occasions (and perhaps numerous mental health professionals as a result), and are now counted among the walking dead. As more of you are discovered I will add you to the list. Believe me when I say, I was once wracked with enormous guilt:
https://tienny.wordpress.com/ … http://allisonmaruska.com/ … https://traceyfisher11.wordpress.com…/https: https://dorothydekok.wordpress.com/2015/04/01/be-your-own-editor///hallenterprises132.wordpress.com/ … http://themiddlestsister.com/ … http://benjamindraws.com/ … https://writerfor365.wordpress.com/ … http://tonyburgess1969.net/ … http://wholedotcom.com/ … https://coldchickensoup.wordpress.com/ … http://nursekellyknows.com/ … http://cindyknoke.com/ … https://mercedesmosaics.wordpress.com/ … https://gauravchaplot.wordpress.com/ … http://bluchickenninja.com/ … https://rainefairy.wordpress.com/ … http://aniketsharmaphotography.com/ … http://2classysisters.com/ … https://quotesandlyrics.wordpress.com/ … http://storiform.com/ … http://www.baffledbaboon.com/ … http://deepruts.com/ … http://autism-mom.com/ … http://kindcotton.com/ … https://tripleclicka.wordpress.com/ … http://danhoger.com/ … https://jotraveller.wordpress.com/ … https://bloggingforme71.wordpress.com/ … http://jkfalkner.com/ … http://moviejoltz.com/ … https://jacobemet.wordpress.com/ http://finallyawriter.com/ http://cindyknoke.com/
Now, would someone please be kind enough to call an ambulance…I think there is a good chance I should go to the hospital for being so long-winded! (and…exhale).