Most of your are well acquainted with the fabulous product known as, toilet paper. For those of you who are not, you might want to turn over a new leaf.
Aside from its most obvious use—that of TP-ing your enemies house before a rainstorm—there are plenty of other uses for this marvelous product.
For example: I remember this little snot who used to bully me at school. One day he ran out of Kleenex and I knew this would lead him—and his runny nose—racing for the nearest bathroom
With my usual foresight, I saw fit to un-spool all the toilet paper into the toilet bowls, thus leaving him with none to use. However—uncouth scamp that he was—he chose to wipe his nose on my sweater, instead. Not only did this leave me with a silver slick up my sleeve; it also left me with a lot of explaining to do—to the school custodian.
In time, I moved on and discovered some other practical uses for toilet paper. For instance; spitballing can be an enjoyable way to pass time while sitting in the stall of a school bathroom. Simply wet the tissue and launch it upward. It’s truly amazing how well it sticks to the ceiling.
Did you know that you can cover an entire ceiling with the stuff? Not to mention how it can lead you and the principal to getting better acquainted with one another while sitting together in his office.
espote.uol.com.br
Over the years creativity set in. Once, I was chewing some gum while sitting in a stall of the office bathroom—a place I had grown quite familiar with—when all of a sudden, I had an epiphany. Fortunately I was on my meds at the time—but that didn’t stop me from getting an idea, too.
I thought; why not attach the gum to a piece of toilet paper and place it on the floor in the next stall?
It worked to near perfection. Eventually some stooge came in and sat down. When he got up to leave, he stepped right on my little trap and off he went. It was too easy. All I had to do now was follow the toilet paper attached to the knuckleheads shoe. Out of the main office I went, through the halls, to the playground, in and out of several classrooms…
Eventually arriving back in the school principal’s…office!
Apparently, I had made one tiny mistake. That of leaving some gum on the floor in my stall, too. My shoe had stepped on the end of the toilet paper I was using. This made it very easy for his bloodhounds—(the very mean) Mrs. Montrose and her maniacal henchman, Mr. Bentley, to track me down.
Thus proving, they weren’t really trackers after all. Just a couple of lucky teachers—leaving me terribly unlucky.
None of my ingenious lies seemed to sway the principal from his decision to put me in solitary, thus forcing me to do hard time in (the truly evil) Mrs. Montrose class—while having to stay after school. Six months of that can have a profound affect on you. It caused me to go straight. Straight back to the bathroom. Where I discovered another amazing use for toilet paper.
Called, wiping your…
Who said school wasn’t educational?
In My Cluttered Attic 
We liked to pull paper towel out of the holder thingy and put soap on it and then stick it to the mirror. You could easily do that with toilet paper too I suppose. Such little shits we were.
Your right Meagan, it was probably a crappy thing to do I know, but we were possessed, right? At least, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. 😀
You, my friend, are an evil genius! Don’t ever change.
I studied under Dr. Evil, but over Mini Me at the Institute of lower learning in Geneva, Switzerland. But I failed and then attended a remote Jr. college no one ever has heard of….and failed again! So I settled for ignorance—where I found my true calling. 😀
I can’t say I’ve ever achieved any level of creativity when it comes to the subject in question and openly wonder if it is a stain on my record of achievement. I was flush with interest as I read this post and will surely have a difficult time wiping it from my memory. It certainly was more intriguing than a lot of crap I saw on the Internet today. Maybe this discussion will start a movement.
One can only hope, Bruce. I’m almost certain that I’m some kind of hero to bathroom aficionados everywhere. But I hate to brag. 😀
I’m certainly glad the experience set you straight but somehow I kind of doubt it! ; )
I’m still as crooked as ever, Jan. I’m very big in bathrooms.
LOL! My husband uses pieces for “bookmarks” too haha!
Probably one of my former students. 😀
LOL!
Or victims! 😀
Loved this! I hope one day you are able to wipe your slate clean, but I’m kind of doubting it. 🙂
So did my principal. ;o)
That made me laugh out loud! Thanks for that! 🙂
;o)
Hahaha!! You just gave me such lovely ideas to implement at MY school !!! N you sure were a naughty student! Your mates would have had a treat to have you in their class lol!
I majored in principal attendance. I used to tell my teacher’s if they needed me that’s where they could reach me. 😀
Hahaha!! That’s awesome !
LOL Thank you, Aayusi. If only my teachers had felt that way.
It’s such a disgrace to the school when teachers fail to recognise talent n creativity :3 atleast that’s wat I feel!
Yeah. It seems like all educators want to do, is teach rudimentary stuff like math, science, and history. Subjects which tend to ignore true innovation and originality in the art of bathroom humor.
Haha correct!!
My goodness, you were a rogue at school. The only thing I ever used toilet paper for was for polishing my halo as I sat in the front of the class listening attentively to everything my teachers said, particularly in math class, which I found delightful beyond compare. I went on to ace all my exams and was widely regarded among teachers and my classmates as a model of academic excellence and achievement.
(This reply may involve some slight misremembering of certain details.)
In other words…you mean you fibbed? Bun, I find this very hard to believe—in the light of your shiny halo, that is. 😀
Hahahahahaha brill! Thank you for the insight into a “normal” kids school life… I changed schools too often in my life to ever really want to be “naughty” – I was already outsider enough and just wanted to be liked – playing tricks on people just wasn’t in my nature.
Thank goodness. I on the other hand came from the other stall, resulting in years of therapy—for my therapist. I visit whenever I can. Poor soul, hope it gets better. 😀
Hilarious…thank for a good laugh: bottoms up! Johanna
My pleasure, Johanna. And if you’re ever into the black market for TP I think I might be able to get my hands on some…real cheap. 😀
I’ll keep it in mind ;o)
😀 I’ll be the one in the trench coat standing on the street corner asking, “Wanna buy a watch?” Only I’ll be concealing quality 4 ply tissue under my coat, and I’ll be selling it at cut-rate prices. Only $19.95—a roll! This is quality stuff, only the best for my customers.
You’re the Martha Stewart of the Men’s Room.
I like to call it inferior decorating, Scott. 😀
My toilet paper doesn’t get up to any extra-curricular activities, although our dogs sometimes get ideas.
Maybe your only buying 1 ply rolls. I’ve heard two ply or more have all the fun.
turn over a new leaf – HA!
So, I never thought I’d do the whole wet paper towel and toss to the ceiling thing. I caught these twins doing it and they talked me into… which of course, I got busted by the custodian. He wasn’t pleased and didn’t believe me that the Evil Twins made me do it. The same twins that told everyone I was stuffing my bra.
After getting caught, that lost it’s appeal. But really, how does it remain sticking to the ceiling? It’s amazing.
I have scientist working on that one. I’m still staring at the ceiling in awe. 😀
That’s what I tried to explain to the custodian. It was a science experiment. He still wasn’t pleased or fascinated.
I know. I think janitors lack a sense of humor. Don’t you? 😀
hahaha great and entertaining post as always!!
You know, I do my best, Lynz. Thank you.
haha your best is awesome!!
😀
I’m so glad TP is finally getting some accolades for its diversity of uses.
I know what you mean, Paul. It seems like all too often TP has had to take a back seat to handkerchiefs and Kleenex. Always taking a lot crap from someone, butt, no more!
If it took you that many years to figure that last amazing use for TP, my guess is your parents had one constant and interesting mess in their home, compliments of a very creative child who was sadly lacking in basic sanitary skills. I don’t even want to know what you used in its place all those years..:)
Nooooooooooo……I said I DIDN’T want to know.
You’re going to tell me anyway, aren’t you..:)
LOL…George, you’re quite right, my little brother is sadly lacking in basic sanitary skills. Even today (age 52) he still has to be reminded to wash his hands after getting up off of his porta potty. And no, not to worry. I never suspected that you were suggesting I was the child with the basic unsanitary habits—everyone knows my reputation for always having TP on my person in the event that I might be able to TP an empty bathroom. 😀
Hehehe…this is absolutely hilarious! 😀 😀
“he chose to wipe his nose on his sweater” ewwww….yuck! 😀
I’m really happy to land here following Lynn’s “Friday Friends”…:-)
I’ll be here again for my daily dose of smile… 🙂
What can I say but thank you for landing here, Maniparna. I’m not usually a destination of choice—I think that might be Hawaii or possibly Bora Bora—but ever since Lynn started telling her friends about my blog, well people have been landing in my attic faster than flights land at Kennedy International. She’s a wonderful friend and her blog has added multiple calories to my diet. I’m delighted to have you as my guest and I’ll do my best make you laugh, but I love smiles, too. ;o)
Yes, Lynn is just amazing and, I’m so happy that she introduced you… 🙂
Me too. :O)
This has me laughing and opened up an entirely new world of the use of toilet paper for me! My son when little kindly unravelled several rolls for me on many occasions – what a helpful chappie!
And not only that, Annika, but now that your son has all that experience I might be able to hire him to assist in my late night TP-ing excursions. Hey, you know, that’ll make him a paid professional! 😀
Oh no!! I’m gonna have to place stringent security procedures in place where my TP is concerned so that my grandson doesn’t get any ideas 😉
Stephanae, I’m surprise. Do you think I would unduly influence a fine upstanding young man in the unethical use of toilet paper? Darn, I fear you know better than I thought. 😀
Yup, which is precisely why he shall never see this post (I think it’s important to note here that he’s only 3 and doesn’t know how to read but…)
I’ve been found out. I like to start planting ideas in their heads pre-K. Darn, that principal of mine, his influence must be far reaching—he got to you before I could implement my plan. Curses! 😀
Since I was onto your diabolical plan. You’ve got to get up pretty early in the morning to fool me.
I thought 11 AM… was early! I knew I should have listened to Eddie the gangster’s son, Binky. He said that getting up at 11 AM would be too late to fool you. I should have got up at 10:58 and 30 seconds in order to give myself more time to set my sinister TP plans in motion. What I don’t understand is; how did he know that you’d know, that I wouldn’t know that? That was diabolical thinking on your part, getting up at 10:57 and 11 seconds to counteract my plans. Brilliant, even by my standards, and I have an IQ of 5 you know. No one could be smarter than that! At least, that’s what Binky said. I still can’t figure out how you outsmarted me? 😀
Bawahahahahhaha
Just as I thought…sinister. You are an evil genius! 😀
Oh boy! This gives me some ideas…. 😀 😀
Great! But if you get caught remember you didn’t hear it from me. Another day in that principals office might be a little embarrassing now.
Hahaha! If I get caught, I will blame it all on you!
I’ve left the country. 😀
Hahaha! I’ll find you!! LOL!
I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can 😀
I didn’t see that movie. Sounds good. Maybe it would give me some tips. (Hahahaha).
Now I’m worried. On the movie, though; Tom Hanks, Leo and everyone else for that matter are terrific. Plus it’s all true!
It’s all true? I will have to see if I can watch that movie! Sounds good!
Yep, the man Leo portrays actually passed himself off (successfully I might add) as a doctor, an attorney, and a Pan Am pilot! Very entertaining film from Steven Spielberg.
Sounds like a great film!
It is Joy. Besides, how bad can it be…it has Tom Hanks. ;o)
That’s true! Tom Hanks wouldn’t agree to star in a bad movie.
Of course not…unless it was The Bonfire of the Vanities, but that’s an exception to the rule.
LOL! I have never heard of that movie. He starred in that??
Sadly…yes. 😀
I would like to think it was before he became such a great star. 😀
It was.
🙂 Guess you have to start somewhere.
:o)
All I can say is………..MISCHIEF Managed!!!!!!
LOL Thank you, Jasmine. Also nice play on Harry Potter there. ‘o)
Hey I steal em when there good!
Jasmine, I applaud your thievery as it shows good taste. With my luck I’d likely steal a line from a politician, and we all know how none of them have any taste. 😀
HERE HERE! Unless you need to comment on someone’s hand size? LOL Have a great week!
Thanks Jasmine, and you have a good one, too. :O)
Well thank you!
Lol!!! Did you really do that to a bully when you were growing up? If so- that’s so so so hilarious. I wish I had the courage to do something like that growing up!!
Well, it’s based on a true story—and a little poetic license. :@)