The Amazing World Of—Toilet Paper!

Most of your are well acquainted with the fabulous product known as, toilet paper. For those of you who are not, you might want to turn over a new leaf.

Aside from its most obvious use—that of TP-ing your enemies house before a rainstorm—there are plenty of other uses for this marvelous product.

For example: I remember this little snot who used to bully me at school. One day he ran out of Kleenex and I knew this would lead him—and his runny nose—racing for the nearest bathroom

With my usual foresight, I saw fit to un-spool all the toilet paper into the toilet bowls, thus leaving him with none to use. However—uncouth scamp that he was—he chose to wipe his nose on my sweater, instead. Not only did this leave me with a silver slick up my sleeve; it also left me with a lot of explaining to do—to the school custodian.

In time, I moved on and discovered some other practical uses for toilet paper. For instance; spitballing can be an enjoyable way to pass time while sitting in the stall of a school  bathroom. Simply wet the tissue and launch it upward. It’s truly amazing how well it sticks to the ceiling.

Did you know that you can cover an entire ceiling with the stuff? Not to mention how it can lead you and the principal to getting better acquainted with one another while sitting together in his office.

Over the years creativity set in. Once, I was chewing some gum while sitting in a stall of the office bathroom—a place I had grown quite familiar with—when all of a sudden, I had an epiphany. Fortunately I was on my meds at the time—but that didn’t stop me from getting an idea, too.

I thought; why not attach the gum to a piece of toilet paper and place it on the floor in the next stall?

It worked to near perfection. Eventually some stooge came in and sat down. When he got up to leave, he stepped right on my little trap and off he went. It was too easy. All I had to do now was follow the toilet paper attached to the knuckleheads shoe. Out of the main office I went, through the halls, to the playground, in and out of several classrooms…

Eventually arriving back in the school principal’s…office!

Apparently, I had made one tiny mistake. That of leaving some gum on the floor in my stall, too. My shoe had stepped on the end of the toilet paper I was using. This made it very easy for his bloodhounds—(the very mean) Mrs. Montrose and her maniacal henchman, Mr. Bentley, to track me down.

Thus proving, they weren’t really trackers after all. Just a couple of lucky teachers—leaving me terribly unlucky.

None of my ingenious lies seemed to sway the principal from his decision to put me in solitary, thus forcing me to do hard time in (the truly evil) Mrs. Montrose class—while having to stay after school. Six months of that can have a profound affect on you. It caused me to go straight. Straight back to the bathroom. Where I discovered another amazing use for toilet paper.

Called, wiping your…

Who said school wasn’t educational?







90 comments on “The Amazing World Of—Toilet Paper!

  1. We liked to pull paper towel out of the holder thingy and put soap on it and then stick it to the mirror. You could easily do that with toilet paper too I suppose. Such little shits we were.

    • I studied under Dr. Evil, but over Mini Me at the Institute of lower learning in Geneva, Switzerland. But I failed and then attended a remote Jr. college no one ever has heard of….and failed again! So I settled for ignorance—where I found my true calling. 😀

  2. I can’t say I’ve ever achieved any level of creativity when it comes to the subject in question and openly wonder if it is a stain on my record of achievement. I was flush with interest as I read this post and will surely have a difficult time wiping it from my memory. It certainly was more intriguing than a lot of crap I saw on the Internet today. Maybe this discussion will start a movement.

  3. Hahaha!! You just gave me such lovely ideas to implement at MY school !!! N you sure were a naughty student! Your mates would have had a treat to have you in their class lol!

  4. My goodness, you were a rogue at school. The only thing I ever used toilet paper for was for polishing my halo as I sat in the front of the class listening attentively to everything my teachers said, particularly in math class, which I found delightful beyond compare. I went on to ace all my exams and was widely regarded among teachers and my classmates as a model of academic excellence and achievement.

    (This reply may involve some slight misremembering of certain details.)

  5. Hahahahahaha brill! Thank you for the insight into a “normal” kids school life… I changed schools too often in my life to ever really want to be “naughty” – I was already outsider enough and just wanted to be liked – playing tricks on people just wasn’t in my nature.

  6. turn over a new leaf – HA!

    So, I never thought I’d do the whole wet paper towel and toss to the ceiling thing. I caught these twins doing it and they talked me into… which of course, I got busted by the custodian. He wasn’t pleased and didn’t believe me that the Evil Twins made me do it. The same twins that told everyone I was stuffing my bra.

    After getting caught, that lost it’s appeal. But really, how does it remain sticking to the ceiling? It’s amazing.

  7. If it took you that many years to figure that last amazing use for TP, my guess is your parents had one constant and interesting mess in their home, compliments of a very creative child who was sadly lacking in basic sanitary skills. I don’t even want to know what you used in its place all those years..:)
    Nooooooooooo……I said I DIDN’T want to know.

    You’re going to tell me anyway, aren’t you..:)

    • LOL…George, you’re quite right, my little brother is sadly lacking in basic sanitary skills. Even today (age 52) he still has to be reminded to wash his hands after getting up off of his porta potty. And no, not to worry. I never suspected that you were suggesting I was the child with the basic unsanitary habits—everyone knows my reputation for always having TP on my person in the event that I might be able to TP an empty bathroom. 😀

  8. Hehehe…this is absolutely hilarious! 😀 😀

    “he chose to wipe his nose on his sweater” ewwww….yuck! 😀

    I’m really happy to land here following Lynn’s “Friday Friends”…:-)
    I’ll be here again for my daily dose of smile… 🙂

  9. This has me laughing and opened up an entirely new world of the use of toilet paper for me! My son when little kindly unravelled several rolls for me on many occasions – what a helpful chappie!

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