They’re here I tell ya, you must believe me! If you can’t trust a blogger who can you trust?
Of course not. That would mean that you’d have to put your trust in someone who’s known for taking the hypocritical oath? Do you really wanna entrust your safety and that of your body to someone who dabbles in medical hypocrisy?
I should say not, especially when I (an almost respected blogger from WordPress) am about to tell you that…
WE’VE BEEN INVADED BY ALIEN CREATURES FROM OUTER SPACE!
That’s right, alien creatures that fly, have lots and lots of eyes, way too many legs and who have antennae to help them communicate with, Orson— their widely (literally) acknowledged extraterrestrial leader.
Reference—Mork & Mindy, circa 1978.
Of course, science would have us all believe that they’re nothing more than creepy crawley insects. Creepy crawley insects? Who do these scientist think they’re kidding?
I saw Starship Troopers!
Think about it. Do insects—or Doogy Howser—look like they really belong here? Of course not, and here’s why.
THEY LOOK HIDIOUS—especially Doogy in that awful looking long leather coat.
They’re universal rejects I tell you. It’s true. Alien species from other planets sent here—JUST TO BUG US.
Arnie, from Elmer’s Tire Shop, told me all about it.
He say’s it’s all part of Plan 9 from Outer Space—Plan 8 went bad when they invaded the moon by mistake just after The Big Bang Theory exploded on the scene back in 2007.
Arnie (when he’s not working on bicycle tires), is an obscure world famous lab coat wearing alien bugologist who sometimes works inside a big mountain fortress in the state of Kansas.
Similar to other alien bugologist who work in other big mountain fortresses located all around the world. Or so, Elmer, his boss tells me.
That is, with the possible exception of a little hill fortress located in back of Cecil’s Burrito Shop down in Guatemala—bugologist don’t wear lab coats there anymore.
That’s because they gave them up after the great Gary Larson Far Side Comic strike of 87, after Gary started drawing SCIENTIST as the ones who wear lab jackets, instead of the alien bugologist.
I’m sure some kind of endorsement money was involved—maybe from Scientific America—and eventually Gary retired.
Anyway, Arnie, tells me that since Tony Stark and The Avengers took over the job of protecting us and our planet all the best scientific minds gave up on the idea of trying to stop the invasion—and went underground to become Morloks.
That leaves only you and I (and some pest control companies) to stop the invasion ourselves—which has become an all out infestation!
Just the other night, an alien encounter in our downstairs bathroom made believers out of my wife and I. Oh, the bloodcurdling screams that came from our bathroom.
Then my wife started screaming too!
So I grabbed a rolled up magazine and waged a life or death battle with the eight legged creature.
Eventually, I retreated to a Motel 6 over in the next state. Where (according to Tom Bodett) they leave the light on for ya, just on the off chance you should have such a close encounter—of the eight legged kind.
Now I’ve always subscribed to the opinion that anything with more than two legs should probably be regarded as something otherworldly.
Which could explain why I’ve never been attacked from behind by a Chihuahua…or rabid Dogapus—a fictional, but usually docile creature towards man.
I read all about it in Geek Monthly.
Anyway, eight legs is just six too many, folks. Which is why I strongly urge you to fear such creatures.
That, and they’re much faster than we are. Not to mention…MUCH, MUCH SMALLER.
To be chased by a creature one inch in length—NEARLY 3 CENTIMETERS LONG—is to know shear terror!
At one point I got so scared, I had to rush out and buy a pack of “Depend” absorbant underwear—which I promptly went through all in one night.
See, my wife found out about the purchase—hadn’t factored it into our budget yet. Creepy crawly aliens (and a wife whose budget is out of whack) are not to be trifled with let me tell ya. Particularly, if you live in fear of flying objects hurled at you by an enraged wife.
I suspect you probably think I just go around making all of this stuff up because I need a blog post—or because I’m outta of my mind.
Both observations could be true, but that’s all the more reason why the following questions need to be asked.
Like, What happened to all my readers…were they abducted by aliens? How are the insect aliens able to control flying saucers without any hands? Who made the UFO’s for them? Could it have been … TESLA? And, where can I buy one in a midnight blue?
I mean, if the darn things are going to lose value the instant you fly them off a lot, shouldn’t you be able to get one in your favourite colour?
At the very least… one at a Kelley PROJECT Blue Book price?