As you know I’ve been in seclusion for a while, just had to get away. That’s because there was an election last month and well… it got pretty ugly.
Now I’m not one to whine about election results—ESPECIALLY AN ELECTION WHERE I LOST! No, I’m one to whine because my opponent—one slimy, funny looking guy named, BOB—won!
Naturally there were a lot of rumors flying around the office after the election (which was for Commanding Editor and Chief of this particular blog) that the whole election was rigged.
I know… ’cause I started those rumors.
As you know, I don’t like name-calling. But don’t let that stop all of you (my followers) from doing it!
In fact (according to Wikileaks), some of you already have taken to calling BOB (a former third rate hack from down in the basement) A MEDIA WHORE—their words not mine!
Bob, was a (basement cubical) employee of mine with some wealth (who probably embezzled most of my money), and an apprentice to an assistant apprentice, who was the apprentice to the head of my Media Department’s apprentice, who was in charge of promoting my blog as a guest on a show about apprentices’sss!
Consequently—because of this BOB guy—I now find myself being the former Commanding Editor and Chief of, In My Cluttered Attic.
You may recall in a post, which I wrote (several months back, that this BOB guy was trying to discredit me while I was away—in sunny San Diego… recovering from pneumonia.
Okay, so I turned up at Comic-Con in costume as Dr. Strange. I can’t explain how I got there—selective amnesia? But I ask you, knowing me as you all do, is that so strange?
Besides, I was there on business—I SWEAR!
But that’s not what’s important here. What’s important here is that while I was away one of my posts got hacked! Probably by some guy laying in a bed who weighed over 400 lbs—LIKE BOB!
You know what else, I’d be willing to bet that my former unscrupulous underling (BOB), may have had some extra added assistance from a little guy from the Russian government, who just so happens to be going bald.
Apparently BOB invited this little Russian guy into my blog’s offices while I was away.
I know this, because my former employees told me that the reason there was so much horse**** on the floor of my office, was because of a little balding Russian man (who wore no shirt and RODE A HORSE) yelling…
“Welcome to the new Russian Federation of blogs, comrades!”
Naturally my staff didn’t understand what comrade meant… because none of them speak Russian.
Meanwhile… way, way, way downstairs my more menial employees—chained to desks in tiny cubicles—were toiling away (night and day) to provide all of you with semi-quality content from this blog.
Dedicated employees, who were BEING MISLED BY BOB… and a tiny but, balding Russian minion.
I only wish I hadn’t been so sick with pneumonia… down in balmy San Diego… ON IMPORTANT BUSINESS.
Had I not been there, SLAVING AWAY, I might have been able to have prevented the devious machinations that were being hatched down in the boiler room, as I would have likely been up, up, up in my golden palatial penthouse tower—where my spies would have informed me.
I DON’T EVEN OWN A DR STRANGE COSTUME—HONEST!
And to think that my poor (former disgruntled) staff people was down there, having their ears tickled with pie crust promises by that evil BOB—and a small Russian minion of an assistant—all while I was out with pneumonia!
Oh its too much to bear. Had to be the fever, only explanation for my being at Comic-Con. I DON’T EVEN OWN A COMIC BOOK!
And that wicked old BOB, down there offering them jobs that paid (why this blog hasn’t paid anyone in years), and a new healthcare plan to boot!
I offered a health plan once, but it gradually became a shell of my original healthcare plan—dismantled piece-by-piece by my unscrupulous Human Resources Department!
That’s right, my very own despicable HR people rode BOB’s coattails to victory, too—and quite possibly on the same nag that that little shirtless, balding Russian dude rode in on. Now they’ll all likely find themselves located upstairs behind closed doors, somewhere in Russia.
My opponent even had the nerve to claim that my trip to recuperate from pneumonia (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it) was nothing more than a lame excuse to buy me more time, so that I might prepare myself for the debates over the issues of blog management.
These issues, however, never got discussed as BOB was way too busy calling me names. Names like, Little Paulo and Crooked Paulie, all the while babbling on about building some wall (which he claimed) would keep out aliens—no doubt, for when Mars attacks!
I just can’t explain how I lost this ridiculous election to some funny looking guy named BOB, especially when I have more followers than he does?
His followers are now asserting (with lots of unnecessary profanity) that being more popular is not the way to get elected, that you have to have more electors.
Sounds to me like they’re just deflecting the truth by attempting to delegitimize my claim to blog ownership, while talking in circles boldly grabbing my power to do as they wish, in hopes of bringing down this shinning beacon of a blog to the vast world of WordPress readers.
Not only that, but they also want me to get over myself and just accept BOB as… the boss!
Well… I have news for all of them. I’m still here and there’s only one boss—AND HE’S BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN—so take that, BOB! Oh… and minion.
Well done. You have my vote.
Gail, your vote may just tip the scales in my favor. I think I should demand a recount. Now wouldn’t that make Bob mad? :O)
Now is when we need ComicCon.
That’s the truth, Kate. So I’m making plans to catch pneumonia just in time to attend next years ComicCon.
You can never start too early!
haha – the real boss indeed 🙂
Further proof Jodi, that Bobs a fraud. 😀
Love your conclusion. Fake news be damned, Springsteen is the boss. Duh.
Yeah, take that Bob! 😀
I need a little lie down after reading all the conundrum and rigmarole around you in the past weeks…in a dark room with a cold cloth! My dear Paul and now Bruce Springsteen is getting involved too??? Whats next: Little Chef, The Dude, The Kings, the Queen…who will invade your universum next??/ I am worried, deeply worried. Might wanna call Santa and hide on the North Pole…or would he than try and boss you around on account of that red nose…where are the tylenol???
I think they’re all out to get me, Johanna. Not that I’m paranoid, but I applied for citizenship at the North Pole and was soundly rejected. Apparently I was too tall. But I feel if Buddy the Elf—who stands 6’3″ in elf shoes—could qualify for North Pole citizenship, than why I can’t little ol me who stands only 5’9″ in stocking feet. Anyway Johanna, I’m beginning to think Rudolph’s initial ill treatment at the Pole may not be an isolated case. You know, we red noses need to stick together. 😀
Red Noses Rock Forever!
And Springsteen too! 😀
That goes without saying ;o)
Just bad mouth him on Twitter at 3 AM. That should take care of the problem, and get you on CNN at the same time.
Gonna put that one into action right away, thanks Sheila. Wait a minute… it’s 5 AM! Darn, missed it by two hours! I wonder if its too late to twitter attack Alec Baldwin? No, I can only do that on Sunday mornings… after Saturday Night Live. I’ve got it! I’ll just reserve Thursday mornings for 3 AM. Oh you’re gonna get yours now, BOB! 😀
“IT ISN’T WHO VOTES THAT COUNTS. IT IS WHO COUNTS THE VOTES.”
– JOSEPH STALIN
Ah Ha! I just hope Bob hasn’t been reading Stalin lately. Nah, he’s probably a Putin guy anyway. I’ll just go back and demand a recount, and with me in charge! Thanks Lea! Well that takes care of that problem, all I have to worry about now is that darn hanging chad. 😀
Bonne chance, bonne année et bonne santé! 😀
And to you, Lea. May 2017 be a better year for us all. ‘O)
Paul, this might be a reach but I’m seeing a lot of “code” in this post. Maybe it’s me…but I think your story at least runs in parallel to how another election played out recently. I hope you enjoyed ComicCon. I think your Doctor Strange alter-ego should have kept the red nose on however. I mean, it is where all true power has its genesis. As for who’s the boss…I think Judith Light can take Springsteen.
You mean, there was another election? Wow… what are the odds of that happening? As for my alter-ego, Dr. Strange needing a red nose, I think you’re right there. Its been my experience that that truly is where all real power resides… especially when you have the flu and have to sneeze! Judith Light and Springsteen… now that would be some Main Event. Boss on Boss! Hey, maybe we could get Tony Danza to be the ref, after all, he was once a boxer! Merry Christmas, Bruce. 😀
Paul, I hope you had a great Holiday Season and wish all the best of life for you and yours in the New Year!
Thank you so much, Bruce. We’ve, been rather busy as you can imagine (holidays and all), and it’s about to get even busier. Our kids and their families, and my brothers and their wives are all coming up come Thursday to have some fun in the snow. They’ll be here through Sunday, so my wife has press-ganged me into service. The house work is not so bad, but boy that whip came out right after The Rose Bowl last night. Man can she crack a whip! I hope you and your family have had a great holiday, too. :O)
I feel like I’m walking into a buzz saw contemplating a “snappy” comment about how well your wife handles a whip. Step away from the comments section Bruce. 🙂
LMAO! Why she’s a regular Indian Jones!! 😀
Merry Christmas Paul! 🙂
Thank you, Bruce. ‘O)
Bob’s not worth the paper this blog was written on.
And to think that I used to let him kiss my boots, Jay. Well… NO MORE!
Good for you!
Your election drama all sounded very familiar, and then I realized what had happened. Do you know a certain orange-headed individual has been imitating Bob’s success, even done to his associating with a certain bald-headed Russian minion? In fact, his minion not only goes shirtless, but can take down a bear unarmed. (Of course, all bets are off if the bear is armed.)
That’s amazing. I always suspected Bob was the architect of something even more nefarious. So you say some madman (WITH ORANGE HAIR!) has adopted Bob’s plan. How diabolical!
Diabolical indeed! Bob has a lot to answer for.
And you wanna know what else—and this is just a wild guess on my part—but I don’t think he pays his taxes! How else can I explain his multiple bankruptcies? Now if he’d built a whole bunch of hotels and casinos and stiffed a bunch of construction people—that I could believe. But not a lowly cubicle employee? Why the next thing you know, someone’s gonna tell me that he’s appointing a whole bunch of rich people to head up the various different departments within my blog offices! Yeah right! Why not a bunch of military people, too! 😀
Oh, it’s hard to believe Bob would make appointments like that. I mean, nobody would be that crazy. 🙂
You know I think once Bob officially takes over the blog next month he may realize there is a lot more to being Editor in Chief than he thinks there is. You actually have to put out quality material. He may realize that blogging isn’t just about posting whatever random obnoxious thought comes into your head in the most explosive, attention getting way possible. You actually have to put some thought into what you write and try to make it sound intelligent. I think he may come to realize that some experience may actually have been a useful thing to have before he decided to take over a whole blog!
WorryGames, I’d say that description fits our rascal, Bob, to a tee. Why electing him to run this silly blog, was like asking an experienced street sweeper to launch rockets into outer space—it’s bound to blow up in his face sooner or later! Your response was not only fun to read, but much appreciated as well. Thank you! :O)
We need Blog-Con,