They’re here I tell ya, you must believe me! If you can’t trust a blogger who can you trust?
Of course not. That would mean that you’d have to put your trust in someone who’s known for taking the hypocritical oath? Do you really wanna intrust your safety and that of your body to someone who dabbles in medical hypocrisy?
I should say not, especially when I (an almost respected blogger from WordPress) am about to tell you that…
WE’RE BEING INVADED BY ALIEN CREATURES FROM OUTER SPACE!
That’s right, alien creatures that fly, have lots and lots of eyes, way too many legs and who have antennae to help them communicate with, Orson— their widely (literally) acknowledged extraterrestrial leader.
Reference—Mork & Mindy, circa 1978.
Of course, science would have us all believe that they’re nothing more than creepy crawley insects. Creepy crawley insects? Who do these scientist think they’re kidding?
I saw Starship Troopers…They’re aliens!
Now I ask you, do you think insects look like they really belong here on earth? Of course you don’t. And you know why?
Because—other than Doogy Howser in that awful looking long leather coat—insects don’t look as good as us.
Truth is, they’re actually universal rejects? It’s true. Alien species from other planets sent here—JUST TO BUG US.
Arnie, from Elmer’s Tire Shop, told me all about it.
He say’s it’s all part of Plan 9 from Outer Space. Plan 8 from Outer Space apparently went bad when they invaded the moon by mistake just after The Big Bang Theory exploded on the scene back in 2007.
Arnie (when he’s not working on bicycle tires), is an obscure world famous lab coat wearing alien bugologist who works inside a big hole in some mountain just outside of Kansas City.
Similar to other alien bugologist who work in big holes in mountains located all around the world. Or so, Elmer, his boss tells me.
With the possible exception of that little hole in a hill located around back of Cecil’s Burrito Shop down in Guatemala—where bugologist don’t wear lab coats anymore.
They give up wearing lab coats after the great Gary Larson Far Side Comic strike of 87 when Gary started rendering SCIENTIST, instead of drawing alien bugologist as the ones wearing lab jackets.
I’m almost certain Scientific America endorsement money was involved.
Anyway, Arnie, tells me that since Tony Stark and The Avengers have taken over the job of protecting our planet, all the best scientific minds have given up on the idea of trying to stop the invasion—and have gone underground to become Morloks.
Leaving just you and I (and some pest control companies) to stop the invasion ourselves—which has become an all out infestation!
My wife and I encountered one of the alien creatures just the other night. Oh, the bloodcurdling screams that came from our bathroom.
Then my wife started to scream too.
Fortunately, though, I was able to regain my composure long enough to go grab a rolled up magazine and wage a life or death battle with the eight legged creature.
That is, before I had to retreat to a Motel 6 over in the next state where (according to Tom Bodett) they leave the light on for ya—just in case of an alien insect attack.
Now I’ve always subscribed to the opinion that anything with more than two legs probably should be regarded as something otherworldly.
Which might explain why I’ve never been attacked from behind by a Chihuahua…or rabid Dogapus—a fictional but usually docile creature towards man.
Hey, it was in Geek Monthly, so its gotta be the truth!
Anyway, eight legs is just six too many, folks. Which is why I strongly urge you to fear such creatures.
That, and they’re much faster than we are—AND SMALLER.
To be chased by a creature one inch in length—NEARLY 3 CENTIMETERS LONG!—is to know shear terror!
Not to mention, that it forced me to go out and buy a pack of “Depend” absorbant underwear, which I promptly went through all in one night.
But, that was only after my wife found out about the purchase. She hadn’t factored it into our budget yet.
Creepy crawly aliens (and a wife whose budget is out of whack) are not to be trifled with. Particularly, if you live in fear of crawling and flying alien insects—or flying objects hurled by your wife.
Now I suspect that you all probably think I just make this stuff up because I need to write a blog post, or , because maybe you think I’m outta of my mind.
BOTH SUSPICIONS ARE PROBABLY TRUE.
Which is why the following questions must be asked?
How are the alien insects able to control those flying saucers without any hands? Who made the UFO’s for them—could it be…TESLA? And where can I buy one in a midnight blue?
I mean, if the darn things are going to lose value the instant we fly them off the lot shouldn’t we be able to get one in our favourite colour?
At the very least… one at a Kelley PROJECT BLUE BOOK price?