They’re here I tell ya, you must believe me! I mean, if you can’t trust a blogger then who can you trust?
What? Entrust your safety to someone known for taking the hypocritical oath? That would mean putting all your trust in someone who dabbles in medical hypocrisy.
Don’t you feel it much better to put all your trust in someone like me—an almost respected blogger on WordPress? Of course you do.
Sort of puts your mind at ease, doesn’t it? Especially when I’m about to tell you that…
WE’VE JUST BEEN INVADED BY ALIEN CREATURES FROM OUTER SPACE!
Yes, you read that correctly, we’ve been invaded!
Invaded by not just any alien creatures either, but alien creatures who fly, have lots of eyes, way too many legs, and who have antennae to help them communicate with their widely (literally) acknowledged extraterrestrial leader, Orson.
Consult—Mork & Mindy, circa 1978, for additional details.
Of course, science would have us all believe that they’re nothing more than a bunch of creepy crawly insects. Creepy crawly insects?
Who do all these crackpot scientists think they’re kidding? Didn’t we all saw Starship Troopers when it first came out?
Well, some of us did, but most of us saw TITANIC.
All the same, you have to ask yourself, do alien insects—or Doogy Howser for that matter—look like they belong here with the rest of us on earth? Especially, Doogy. Doogy always wore a lab coat, not some long leather jacket. Bleck!
THEY LOOK HIDIOUS!
Universal rejects if you ask me. Nothing but a bunch of alien species from some other planets sent here—JUST TO BUG US.
Arnie, from Elmer’s Tire Shop, told me all about it.
He said it’s all part of their Plan 9 from Outer Space thing.
You see, their Plan 8 thing went bad when they accidentally invaded the moon by mistake. Just after The Big Bang Theory exploded on the scene way back in 2007.
Arnie (who when he’s not working on bicycle tires), is actually an obscure world famous alien bugologist who used to wear a lab coat similar to the one Doogy used to wear, but now wears street clothes like the rest of us.
Arnie works deep inside a top secret mountain fortress located somewhere in the state of Kansas—a state known for it’s high mountains.
So no doubt, there are Alien Bugologist who work in other secretly secluded mountain fortresses elsewhere in the world.
But, not Alien Bugologist in Guatemala. They work in a little hill fortress that’s located around back of Cecil’s Burrito Shop—probably because Guatemala’s mountains are mostly volcanic.
Nevertheless (with that little piece of twaddle now having been completely cleared up), bugologist these days don’t actually wear lab coats much anymore andthat’s because of the “Great Gary Larson’s Far Side Strike of 1987.”
See Alien Bugologist were forced to give up wearing them after Gary Larson, creator of the comic strip “The Far Side”, took to drawing CRACKPOT SCIENTIST in lab coats—instead of drawing the more nobler alien bugologist in lab coats.
God only knows why, but I suspect, promises were made, endorsements given, money exchanged and all under the table—possibly from a duped Scientific America employee, and all on behalf of a rather dubious group of crackpot scientist.
Eventually the great, Gary Larson, was forced to retire—if only to save the reputation of his great comic strip, The Far Side.
Anyway, Arnie, tells me that since Tony Stark and “The Avengers” took over the job of protecting us and our planet, all the best scientific minds have given up on the idea of ever trying to stop this invasion—they eventually went underground to become Morloks.
Consult the film—The Time Machine, circa 1960, for more details.
I’m afraid that that leaves only you and I (and some pest control companies) to stop this invasion—which has become an all out infestation if you ask me.
Why just the other night, my wife and I had an alien encounter ourselves in downstairs bathroom. Oh, the bloodcurdling screams that came from that bathroom.
Then my wife joined me in screaming. Or rather, told me to stop screaming and do something.
That’s when I reached for a rolled up magazine and began to wage a life or death struggle with one of the eight legged creatures.
Finally, I had to retreat to a Motel 6 over in the next state, where (according to Tom Bodett) they leave the light on for ya.
I suppose that’s on the off chance that when you have a close encounter—of the eight-legged kind—you’ll at least have a safe house to go to at around $60 a night—give or take a buck or two.
Now I’ve always subscribed to the opinion that anything with more than two legs should probably be regarded as something otherworldly.
Which could explain why I’ve never been attacked from behind by a Chihuahua…or rabid Dogapus—a fictional but docile creature fond of man.
I read all about it in Geek Monthly. I’m told that one, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, discovered the creature. A likeness of the creature can occasionally be found on a T-Shirt.
Anyway, eight legs is just six too many, folks. Which is why I strongly urge you to fear such aliens.
That, and they’re much faster than we are—not to mention…MUCH, MUCH SMALLER.
Let me just say that to be chased by a creature one inch in length—NEARLY 3 CENTIMETERS LONG—is to know shear terror.
At one point, I got so scared that I rushed out to buy a pack of “Depend” absorbant underwear—which I promptly went through all in one night.
But that’s only because my wife found out about the purchase (she hadn’t factored it into our budget yet) and promptly began to beat me with a frying pan.
Creepy crawly aliens and a wife whose budget is out of whack, are probably not to be trifled with.
Now, I suspect you probably think that I’m just making all this stuff up because I needed a post for my blog.
Well yeah, but just ask yourself these following questions before you discount anything I’ve told you as being nothing more than a bunch of rubbish.
Like, why is my blog not read by more readers? Could it be that maybe, just maybe, my massive amount of potential readers were abducted and consumed by aliens, and not (as WordPress suggested) that I write only worthless content of no value to anyone?
Gives one pause, doesn’t it?
Or let me ask you this one. How are alien insects able to control those flying saucers when they have so many legs getting in the way? “Look ma, NO HANDS!
Makes you think, doesn’t it?
Also, who are the contractors who designed all those unidentified flying objects up there?
Could it be…TESLA? And, where can I buy one in a midnight blue?
I mean, if the darn things are gonna lose value the instant we fly them off the lot, shouldn’t we be able to get one in our favourite colour?
At the very least… one at a Kelley (PROJECT) Blue Book price?