Freaking News
Albert and Frank Einstein: A True Fabricated Story, tells the weird and incredibly true (but ambiguously fallacious) story of twin brothers whose similarities were uncannily indistinguishable. I know, because it’s my story!
The tale begins with the two brothers being born sixty-one years apart in a century two-hundred years ago, but not in a galaxy far, far, away.
Why turn the simple story of two men of science into some kind of space opera, right?
As I was saying, older brother Frank came to life in a dark dank castle located in Gernsheim, Germany in the year 1814. However, it took him until 1818 to catch his breath.
That might explain why he had a green face for the better (and worse) part of his life.
That in spite of his face once being described by another writer as yellowish in color in some other strange book. That book being largely considered as an outlandish work of science fiction no less.
And did you know its author pretended to be a male novelist who was a female in reality? It’s true! So, I think we can safely discount his and her description of Franks face as being yellowish in color as a totally bogus discription. Don’t you?
Now Franks younger brother Albert, on the other hand, was born in Baden-Wurttemburg, Germany and to a completely normal couple.
Unlike poor Frank, who was raised by a couple of men who wore lab jackets and who were also known for frequenting graveyards at night, but who obviously raised Frank as their own after he was given up for adoption—likely because of his green face, as most Germans didn’t have green faces at the time.
At least, I don’t think they did?
Both Frank and Albert were men of science as well. However, Albert explored science, while Frank, the taller of the two, seemed more like a victim of it.
Did I mention that both boy’s dads were heavily into electricity? Well it’s true, they were. And it’s all documented, so I wouldn’t really bother to question any of it. God only knows what kind of crazy things you might turn up!
I mean, would I lie to you?
Frankenseinia
As I said, Frank was tall. He stood a monstrous 8 feet high, while Albert was a more diminutive 5′ 9′ minus the platform boots. Both boys appeared to suffer from chronic bad hair days too.
Mount Holyoke College
Albert had a wild and unruly uncombed fuzz ball on the top of his head.
This was probably due to his putting one of his fingers into an electrical socket (in the name of science no doubt) to experience the after-effects of direct current on someone’s hair?
Frank, on the other hand, tolerated a flat-topped angular look.
He apparently had an unusual fondness for wearing metal bolts on both sides of his neck (probably a fad in Germany at the time) and thus, not a bolt defect, his hair was slicked down by sweat and steam from a lightening strike.
I talked to the experts at Supercuts (Frank’s barbers of choice) who told me that one day he stiltedly wondered into their place, arms outstretched, and muttered something—grunted mostly—and what you see became hair history.
Which means, I guess, that we may never truly know the whole truth about either of the twins weird hairdos.
However the brothers did share many other similar traits—though not even remotely close to being the same.
For example: Albert had a penchant for talking over peoples heads. Frank did the same thing, of course, but being that he was 8′ 2′ and a bit more basic, his conversations tended to naturally go right over peoples heads.
You’ll note other comparisons with reference to their brains as well.
Albert’s brain was removed and put into a jar for future study, and by experts. Frank’s, abnormal one, on the other hand, was put into his skull prior to electric shock treatments—something I wouldn’t advise.
It was a highly questionable operation performed by a medical scientist who evidently loved ducks. Called a quack by the town folk—and not affectionately I might add—it seems he favored the assistance of a small hunchback, one with none of the training in the art of modern brain installing techniques like we have today. And, well, “Grrr”
In time, Albert Enstein apparently discovered his regrettable relationship to Frank.
The family name began with an I, thus the name “Instein.” Albert, seeking to distance himself from Frank, took to adding a silent E in front of the I in an attempt to change his last name to that of … Einstein instead—avoiding the obvious phonetic implications.
Later the i came to stand for… INTELLECTUAL, thus forever separating the brothers…Enstein.
keldavanpatten.comforever separating the brother’s Enstein, by his adopting a new spelling of their last name so that it now became…
This completely factual account about the brothers historical connection to one another—with these rare photos serving as absolute proof that what I am saying is true—or may this post end with a sales pitch!—serves as notice of the soon to be released arrival of this new number one Best Seller…
Just as soon as I can get around to writing it.
Naturally, that means you should now send me $49.95 (a possible suggested retail price) in advance, and as soon as possible.
You see, I’ll need the proper motivation to write it.
And that way you won’t miss out on getting your own (rubber stamped autographed) copy from Barnes and Noble, before they sell out of my books entire first edition.
Otherwise, you just might have to settle for a cheaper looking $12.95 paperback.
Trust me, it won’t look nearly as sophisticated—or even contain my fancy rubber stamped autograph—sitting down there on that dusty bottom shelf of yours.
So act now and don’t miss out on one of the greatest books ever to be written … some day.
In My Cluttered Attic 