And The Winner Is?

hollywoodreporter.com

hollywoodreporter.com

So far, it has been one wild party leading up to this years award show. Let’s take a look at some of the performances given by our (HOPEFUL) nominees.

Actor Ben Carson:

His performance in “Ben Carson: The Force Awakens” showcases him as an accomplished retired neurosurgeon who writes books about himself.

He barely awakens one day to discover that he himself has become the star of a made for television movie.

Frustrated—because it stars Cuba Gooding Jr, and not him—Carson decides to sleep walk through Goodings’ performance playing a former angry ill-tempered child, who one minute claims he attempted to hit his mother over the head with a hammer, and the next, stabbing a friend for changing the channel on a radio.

Sounds like Presidential material to us.

Unfortunately, he can’t get anyone to believe his claims. This is surprising, seeing as it comes from a supposed politician—and they always tell the truth. Just ask George Washington.

Anyway, his character finally has a chance to boycott the presidential race (which would be very white of him given this years diversity issue, as he is the only person of color running for President), but he refuses to pull out of the race, causing the entire audience to snooze.

This film is only rated G—for suggested (but not real) violence. But, he could be the sleeper of the year—literally!

Actor Marco Rubio:

Rubio plays an (supposedly) attractive, yet unsympathetic character who gets excited at the idea of finishing in second or even third place, but who can’t seem to stop repeating himself in…

“Mad Marco: Fury Road.”

His character eventually goes into denial, unable to admit that he may not even be very popular in Florida—the state where he hails from. Here, he begins to feel irritated that he might never finish in first place—no matter what it is he decides to try.

The film concludes with him resorting to name calling, and referring to his enemy as a con-man.

He begins unraveling, ranting and raving angrily on a news program, flashing a fake smile when the interviewer thanks him for his angry tirade at the end of the interview.

Rubio’s performance ultimately reminds us, that childish behavior (no matter how old you are) is still not becoming of a leader who tries doing stand-up by shouting over his opponent. A good temper tantrum not withstanding.

badgop.com

badgop.com

Actor John Kasich:

John Kasich plays a once abrasive Governor, but who now tries out a more optimistic, upbeat snowball throwing, kind of persona. Only to discover that the real John Kasich is only hiding underneath the facade in…

“The Hunger Games: Mocking John Part-2”

Actor Ted Cruz:

In “Straight Out Of Canada” Ted Cruz, plays a Canadian Texan who passes himself off as an American Hispanic, and whose dad was supposedly from Cuba. The high point of the film comes when it’s demanded that he show proof that he’s an American citizen, and he responds… “Eh?” Will this be his Waterloo?

Some have suggested this is the part Ted was born to play. But, why not? He’s from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

 

Actor Donald Trump:

twitter.com

twitter.com

In his long and varied career “The Donald” has never been more popular than he is right now.

But, is this matinee idols (in his own mind of course) performance enough to help him finally win? All critics will say is, “Cool Hair!”

After all, only Leonardo DiCaprio has waited longer for such recognition.

Trump, plays a successful business man who tries to alienate practically everyone in his bizarre attempt to  rise to power. He refuses to let immigrants, NBC, Macy’s, NASCAR, Great Britain, Muslims, John McCain, and even his own party stand in his way.

Not to mention Megyn Kelly in a surprise cameo!

Hated by virtually everyone on the planet, Trump— desperate to avoid discussing real issues (since no one else is either)—decides to appeal to the ignorant…

The Republican voters who he calls, “The poor and uneducated.”

When reports surface to support this assertion, he decides to go for broke and threatens to leave his own party to become king of America in…

“Mission Impossible-Rogue Nation”

Any one of these actors might tell you, “It’s just an honor to be nominated.” But don’t you believe it. Because, isn’t winning what this is really all about?

So enjoy the show, it’s only entertainment. This can’t be real politics…right?

 

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52 comments on “And The Winner Is?

    • Your quite right, MmrliRuddy. This lack of diversity thing has gotten way out of hand! To not include Democrats in the category of Worst Performance By A Politician (or Comedic Buffoon) In Failing To Address The Issues That Matter To The Voters—is totally inexcusable. I’m going to boycott this idiot writer until he does as suggested!

  1. I think one of these guys should hire you to write their speeches or at least their campaign slogans. The question is would you follow he money trail or stick to your principles and back the right person. Then again, you have to try the right person..:) Not an easy task.
    On another note…have you been away or have I not been receiving your posts? Seems like it’s been a while.::)

  2. Paul, I wish Chris Christie had stayed in the race long enough to be included in this Best Actor post…which was awesome. The movie associations were thoughtful, spot-on and inspired. I want to pass this along for your readers as I think they’ll get a kick out of it. Back in the day Chris, as New Jersey’s U.S. Attorney, prosecuted Charles Kushner – a prominent real estate developer and Democratic fund raiser – for tax evasion, illegal campaign contributions and witness tampering (which included a lady of the evening and x-rated videotape.) Kushner was subsequently sentenced to two years in jail in 2005. He happens to be the father of one Jared Kushner…who married Ivanka Trump (Donald’s daughter) in 2009. I suggest we don’t entertain nominees for Best Supporting Actor and retire the title permanently in Chris Christie’s name.

  3. Considering I pay no attention to the Oscars, it only follows that I pay as little attention to this nonsense as I can. Sadly, everywhere I go one of these knuckleheads, who you have described perfectly, is in my face. Most annoying. The knuckleheads, not you.

    • LOL. Van…not my remote control!!! Regrettably, we are about to be bombarded with all sorts of political messages and propositions, and all of them meant to confuse us so that private interest get the upper hand. I think we the voter are being kept busy so that we don’t have the time to get a clear picture of what’s really going on. And to think I once wanted to be class president. No wonder I became the class clown, instead! 😀

  4. I’m still a little confused. I know they don’t give an Oscar for either Best Comedy performance or Greatest Tragedy, so I can’t imagine what category most of the candidates are hoping to win. They only two I do know for sure are Donald Trump’s hair for Best Visual Effects and Ben Carson for Best Lack of Animation.

    • Bun, I believe those are two of the lesser categories on the Oscar ballot. But I’m willing to bet my response probably makes more sense than either of those two competing actors (uh…politicians?) decision to ask voters to elect them president.

      • I think it probably does too. What a shocking field of options on the Republican side. I don’t want any of them to win the nomination, but I guess somebody is going to have to.

      • Abe Lincoln—if he were alive—would probably be ashamed to admit that that was once his party. But then, it seems even Republicans are now ashamed to admit that that’s there party!

  5. I started laughing at “Ben Carson: The Force Awakens” and have yet to recover. Just brilliant, Paul! I might be one of the only people that got the Waterloo reference. Thanks for that.

  6. Paul, this post is so ridiculously on point!! Not a fan of awards shows in general but this one is so much better than the real deal. Poor, poor Ben how could he even summon enough energy for stabbing or hitting, I mean that behavior requires action. As Bruce mentioned it’s a shame that Chris Christie didn’t make the cut.

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