Psst… Wanna Hear A Secret?

So have you figured it out yet? You know… my secret? Did you catch all the clues I left you? Alright then, did you catch just a few of the clues I left you? None of the clues I left you? Have you even bothered to review all the clues I left you?

Well why not? Oh I see, you’ve just been reviewing all the clues I left you. And you still came back? Are you sure you’re alright? I mean, maybe you outta sit down?

Okay, so you’re alright? Phew had me worried there for a minute, especially since I haven’t really left any clues. But I do have a secret.


Well actually I have more than one secret, however, that ONE SECRET if I were to tell you that one secret, might eliminate the need for my disguise. What disguise?

Why… my red nose, silly!

Anyway, that means my one secret is gonna have to remain a secret. Not that I’m a huge celebrity, I’m a skinny one… with a slightly expanding waistline.

Besides I couldn’t pose for a photograph with any of you much less sign an autograph, because I don’t think that’s possible on this blog.

Now on the other hand, I could tell you about my wife’s BIG SECRET. The one about her BEING A CELEBRITY who occasionally gets recognized when we go out.

The wife, signing autographs.

The wife, signing autographs.

Then again, she made me swear never to tell you that secret… even in hushed tones.

Probably because she really does sign autographs for people and pose for pictures with them.

But she doesn’t have a blog—I got her there!

Still, I probably stand a better chance of getting into a photo only if I photo-bomb someone else’s photo op, so she actually has the edge there. You might say I’m an acorn in my wife’s shadow.

Here I’ll give you an example of what I mean, and this actually happened.

Once we were on this Monorail (I’ll let you guess where), and this family recognized my wife—yeah, sunglasses and all!

The wife, sunglasses and all!

They asked her if she wouldn’t mind posing with them for a photo. I was asked to pose, too. No doubt, an afterthought.

Anyway, I thought, “Sure, why not.”

Except, I made the mistake of stepping off of the monorail—thinking that my wife was right behind me—and then the monorail doors closed BEHIND ME. I gotta get the name of that joker.

The acorn in her shadow.

The acorn in her shadow.

Anyway, as the monorail left the station I was left thinking about what might have been, as my wife remained on board with the family and posed for pictures with her fans.

Naturally this left me (the acorn) standing there with nothing but egg on my face—and a red nose.

True story and no longer a secret as everyone at the monorail station—who were all laughing—will attest.

But hey, that’s what we comedians do we make people laugh—even when we don’t get paid for it!

You know, now that I think about it, maybe I should have kept this… A SECRET.


59 comments on “Psst… Wanna Hear A Secret?

  1. You can’t put a price on just how darn good it feels to make someone laugh, right? (Unless you just need their money) If you wear that nose 24/7 you ARE going to get asked to have your picture taken. At the station. (And no, I don’t mean the monorail one) Beware the frying pan. Especially if it’s coming off the stove. Ouch.

    • LOL… I know! My wife even wakes me up at night—out of a sound sleep no less—just so me and my nose will can pose for pictures and make her laugh. I wouldn’t mind it so much, Bruce, if it weren’t for her having that darn frying pan—even in our bed. She’s taken to calling it “The Enforcer.” 😀

  2. Paul, it is priceless how you make us laugh. You are a natural talent. You can laugh about yourself and this is one of the “secrets” a true comedian makes! Thank you for this, Paul!

  3. It’s not easy living in the shadows of a celebrity—I recognize her! Try to remember that you are special too (or so says Mr. Rogers and me) ; )

    • I’ll do my best, Jan. Nevertheless, you and Mr. Rogers are probably right, I must be special—because I recognized her! After all, how many husbands can claim they recognize their celebrity wives in sunglasses? Can’t be too many, or can there? Then again, I wonder how many people recognize me with my red nose? I mean, how many celebrities are there who can claim they have a red nose like me, right? Okay, so maybe there is that ridiculous flying reindeer who hangs out up there at the North Pole, and a clown named Bozo, and old Mr. Jenkins who works down at the local hardware store—but he’s not really famous, and he’s had that awful cold for what seems like forever. No wonder his nose is always red! But after that I can’t think of another living soul. That’s a good thing, though, because then I’d have to list them too, and I’m rapidly running out of space here. 😀

    • I’ll do that, and thank you, Van, that was very sweet of you to say. We really do love each others company and are very happy together—even if she does look better in sunglasses than I do. However, I think I look so much better with a red nose than she does! 😀

  4. You sure you didn’t steal that jacket from my closet when we were Turing the country playing opening act for your wife? I always wondered where that suit and tie went! Now I know. Don’t worry, I won’t mention any of the stories you awaited me to secrecy in I imagine if everyone knew who you really were you’d have thousands of followers. But you hide it well beneath the red nose..:)
    My lips are sealed!

    • My wife tells me that my lips were supposed to be! In spite of my protest to the contrary—that I broke her secret by writing about it and that her secret never slipped past my lips—I’m still in the doghouse. As it turns out our dog is not too happy about that either. But George, I ask you; how’s a semi-professional comedian supposed to get a laugh if he doesn’t dress funny? And that’s why I wore my (I mean our) suit. Why just look at that face which occupies the monkey suit, would you take that face and suit seriously? 😀

  5. Haha… Your wife is famous. The problem when you wera a red nose is that people would not probably recognize you. Sunglasses are more evident in that sense, I am guessing!… Anyway: when you are a celebrity you need to deal with the fans, paparazzi, and all this kind of stuff…
    I´d say that next time she´ll have to wear a red nose too..
    or you could wear sunglasses and then you´ll both be recognized and asked to sign autographs! 😀 Sending love & wishing you a great weekend ahead! 🙂

    • Yeah she still occasionally gets recognized. I’ve tried telling her if only she’d been born with a red nose like I was, and then started wearing the sunglasses, fans wouldn’t recognize her as often—seems to work for me. But does she listen… NO! Actually, though, she really does handle the posing for pictures and signing autographs rather well, maybe better than I would—I don’t know if I’d like eating my meals cold. That might explain why I don’t get recognized as often—well that, and the fact that I’m only semi-famous… well sort of. Truthfully, though, she’s always polite with fans and smiles and talks with everyone. She’s a really good egg, so I think I’ll have to keep her now—it’s part of the contract when I said “I do.” 😀

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