2017… Going Where No Man Has Gone Before

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Captains Log, Stardate 2017.5. Having just left the Delta quadrant, where we finished off yet another peaceful intervention by destroying a bunch of Klingons and their vessels (because they’re bad, and not in a Michael Jackson way), I retired to my cabin slipping into a deep sleep, and began to dream.

In my dream I was with this beautiful female alien… while shirtless, yet AGAIN. Not that that is important to Starfleet in any way. However, this female alien had this multi-colored face and was wearing what appeared to be some sort of ancient space toga.

Why they never wear a typical space suit is beyond me? Then again, I’m certainly glad she didn’t have 14 arms, 5 claws, and 1 eye with no hair, or I can guarantee you I wouldn’t have shed my shirt… quite as fast.

So I was just about to kiss this female alien when Dr. McCoy summons me to the bridge—DARN!

giphyI arrived on deck just in time to witness Bones (Dr. McCoy) debating with first officer Spock on a rather questionable decision he was making as to where our next adventure should take us.

Bones: Spock, have you taken leave of your senses? Go back to earth to the year 2017? Are you out of your ever loving Vulcan mind?

Spock: On the contrary Doctor, I’m in complete control of my faculties, and it’s imperative we go back to earth now… before the wrath of Negan.

Kirk: Spock… McCoy… what’s… happening?

Bones: Jim, you’re doing it again.

Kirk: What? What am I doing again?

Spock: Pausing between your words captain, a pattern suggestive of Shakespeare, but more likely that of an actor hoping to turn all the attention back onto himself, instead.

Kirk: Star Fleet Academy class of 3054. It’s called modulation, Spock, you should try it.

Spock: That would not be logical captain.

Kirk: Of course not. (deep breath) Why earth, why now?

Bones: He thinks it’s full of ZOMBIES, Jim!

(An answer I hadn’t quite expected, but this being space the final frontier and all, and given what we’ve seen lately, I supposed anything was possible. So I remained calm and asked…)

Kirk: Is that true, Spock?

Spock: I’m afraid so captain.

Kirk: He says its true, Bones.

McCoy: But Jim, do you honestly believe earth has been overrun with… ZOMBIES?

Kirk: I don’t know doctor, but if has, I suspect they’ll be passed your skills as a surgeon.

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Spock: Captain I assure you, earth is full of zombies.

Kirk: Of that I have no doubt, Spock, but we’re the U.S.S. Enterprise not the Starship… BIG SURPRISE. It’s true we go where no man has gone before, but don’t you think this is going a bit too far? I mean, I know we’ve had Tribbles before, but this?

Spock: Just back to earth, captain.

Bones: Spock, are you seriously suggesting we ignore Starfleets five year mission for us: to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life forms, new civilizations, and boldly go where no man has gone before? Return to earth to the year 2017 and face THE WALKING DEAD? You can’t be serious?

Spock: Doctor, the needs of the many out way the needs of the few, or even the one—as in your case.

Kirk: Where have I heard that before?

Bones: Why you green blooded, pointy eared…

Kirk: That too.

Spock: Doctor… I have been, and always will be, a fan of The Walking Dead.

Kirk: Now I know I’ve heard that somewhere before, or at least something like it. Bones, can he be fixed?

Bones: Spock?

Kirk: Yes!

Bones: Well I don’t know. I’m a doctor, A DOCTOR,  JIM… NOT A PROCTOLOGIST!

Kirk: Spock, I think Dr. McCoy just called you uh…

Spock: I’m well aware of what the good doctor is implying, captain. But the fact remains, we must change course for earth, before it’s too late.

Kirk: Too late for what, Spock? You mentioned Negan? What’s a Negan

Spock: Not what, captain, who. He walks among The Walking Dead, wrecking havoc.

Kirk: What on earth for?

Tell Tales

Tell Tales

Spock: So he can weaken the series ratings, captain.

Kirk: You mean this Negan is trying to wreck a television series… not earth?

(Just then, I felt myself being shaken awake by…)

Mr. Chekov: Keptan, Keptan, KEPTAN ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

Kirk: Mr. Chekov? Yes, yes I’m fine Mr. Chekov.

Mr. Chekov: Keptan, Mr. Sulu wants to know if we should proceed at warp speed?

Kirk: Warp? Most certainly was.

Mr. Chekov: What’s that Keptan?

Kirk: Oh nothing. Yes, uh, tell Mr Sulu warp factor six. The sooner I’m out of this nightmare the better. I really gotta stop drinking that Romulan ale!

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45 comments on “2017… Going Where No Man Has Gone Before

    • And that’s the shame of it, Scott. The stuffs illegal, and still Bones swears it should only be used for medicinal purposes. Fortunately, I still have a bottle, dated 2283, only its gone blue in color to a bright turquoise, instead. So I’m not sure if it’s good anymore. 😀

  1. I stopped watching TWD awhile ago, when someone spoiled a major event for me and I realized it would be just a series of maddening heartbreaks, and why keep doing that to myself?

    • I know what you mean, Marni. Don’t you just hate it when your subconscious mind goes unconscious on you? Thank goodness Mr. Chekov woke me up in the nick of time, otherwise god only knows where my mind might have taken me! 😀

  2. If they had introduced Tribbles on “The Walking Dead” and Negan began whaling away on those critters one of two things would have happened…he would have exhausted himself by trying to kill them all off (at their reproduction rate!!!) and eventually died (thereby saving the show) or the sheer public outcry over killing the adorable, innocent little dudes would have led to him being quickly written off (thereby saving the show). If you ever get back with that female alien…use protection. Let’s be careful out there…in space.

  3. On the surface, the idea of the world being overrun with wide-eyed zombies seems preposterous … but then I venture out in public, and suddenly it doesn’t seem so far-fetched. Just beware: Most of them lurk in the grocery store with their carts turned sideways in the aisle, comparing two brands of pickles. You have to squeeze to get past them. Just be sure not to knock over a display of cranberries in the process. I speak from experience here.

    • Those sound more like the vegetarian breed of zombie, thank goodness they were not the face-eating type. Their kind have been known to frequent Whole Food Markets, and the occasional roadside vegetable stand. Either way though, you’re quite right about being careful not to knock over cranberry displays. Saw that in a Safeway store once and when I heard clean up on aisle nine. Allen, lets just say, it became like a smorgasbord in there, only one that went amuck. Yuck! 😀

      • LMAO! Oh Allen, I can only claim to have seen images of these kind of zombies captured on film—and IN COLOR! My wife, on the other hand, she swears that she not only has seen them, but SMELLED THEM too. Worse still… she said she once saw one in the crisper drawer of our refrigerator. OH THE HORROR!

    • Fortunately I’m not one given to drink or experimentation with alcoholic beverages—except for when I’m on missions in space—and thankfully I’ll be in space for the next five years. So nothing to worry about. 😀

    • My sentiments exactly, Paul. And being that we’re mere bloggers—say nothing of future walking piles of fresh meat for our zombielike children—who are we to question the wisdom of a Vulcan, like Mr. Spock. So, live long and prosper my friend! 😀

      • That would do it. I’m so glad to hear that you were able to escape that lifestyle—particularly since so many rocket scientist haven’t been able to do the same. Not that I’m trying to accuse you of having ever been one of them, seeing as they are considered societies outcast. Locked in small rooms, forced to wear lab jackets (even to bed), and always the butt of some Gary Larson comic strip. Not a lifestyle I’d recommend.

      • You’re right, Paul. It was a lucky escape. I’m pretty certain I’ve completely escaped that lifestyle because every time my wife queries something I’ve done, she always tells me it’s not rocket science.

      • Yep, sounds like you’re in the clear, Bun. However, that leaves me at a loss as to how to explain why my wife utters the exact same phrase to me, whenever I have an “Ah Ha!” moment. Mind you, I don’t always go around the house saying “Ah Ha!” all the time—Just when my wife ask me to fix something, or to put the batteries into the back of a TV remote and things like that. You know, the real hard stuff—but it certainly seems like it’s all the time. Maybe I’m just being paranoid is all.

      • Batteries in the remote? Yes, that’s exactly the kind of task I have in mind, Paul. Admittedly, it may not quite be rocket science, but I think the physics is very similar.

    • That’s exactly how I feel about it, Steph. I think it really has jumped the shark, so to speak. The producers—and they’re knocking off key characters for the sake of surprise, and so violently, too—just ceased to be a form of entertainment for me. I know it stopped being about zombies a long time ago, but it also stopped being about the characters in the last couple of seasons. Anyway, I doubt even Mr. Spock can save it now. 😀

      • Yes, my middle son would agree with you on the zombie thing because that’s when he quit watching it. Me other hand I did get caught up in the character story lines. When they killed Glenn again for real this time I was devastated and could care less what happens.

      • Beth and her death nearly did it for me, but Glenn’s second death was indeed the last straw. In fact, I’m not buying any more straws from Scott Gimpel! I mean, that is if he starts selling straws after The Walking Dead gets cancelled. 😀

    • Mr Scott, can the Enterprise get us to Paramount Studios? The warp drive is about gone captain and I’m already pushing her as hard as I can as it is. I don’t think she can take much more. Well, I guess it’s up to Uber. 😀

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