They’re here I tell ya, you must believe me! I mean, if you can’t trust a blogger, well then who can you trust?
What? Entrust your safety to someone who is known for taking a hypocritical oath? Why, that would mean you’re putting all your trust in somebody who dabbles in medical hypocrisy.
Instead, why not consider for a moment (but only a moment mind you), how much better it would be if you just put your confidence in someone like me—an almost respected blogger on WordPress
Sort of puts your mind at ease, doesn’t it? Especially when I’m about to tell you that…
WE’VE JUST BEEN INVADED BY ALIEN CREATURES FROM OUTER SPACE!
Yes, you read that correctly, we’ve been invaded.
Invaded by not just any alien creatures either, but alien creatures who fly, have lots of eyes, way too many legs, and who have antennae to help them communicate with their widely (literally) acknowledged extraterrestrial leader, Orson.
Consult—Mork & Mindy, circa 1978, for additinal details.
Of course, science would have us all believe that they’re nothing more than a bunch of creepy crawly insects. Creepy crawly insects?
Who do all these crackpot scientists think they’re kidding? Didn’t we all saw Starship Troopers when it first came out?
Well, some of us did, but most of us probably saw TITANIC.
All the same, though, you have to ask yourself, do alien insects—or Doogy Howser for that matter—look like they belong with the rest of us here on earth? Especially, Doogy Howser. Doogy always wore a lab coat, not some long leather jacket. Bleck!
THEY LOOK HIDIOUS!
Universal rejects if you ask me. Nothing but a bunch of alien species from some other planets sent here—JUST TO BUG US.
Arnie, from Elmer’s Tire Shop, told me all about it.
He said it’s all part of their Plan 9 from Outer Space. You see, their Plan 8 went bad when they accidentally invaded the moon by mistake. That was just after The Big Bang Theory exploded on the scene way back in 2007.
Arnie (who when he’s not working on bicycle tires), is actually an obscure world famous alien bugologist, who used to wear a lab coat—similar to the one Doogy used to wear.
Arnie works deep inside a top secret mountain fortress located somewhere in the state of Kansas—a state known for it’s high mountains.
No doubt, there are other Alien Bugologist who work in secretly secluded mountain fortresses elsewhere.
But, not the Alien Bugologist in Guatemala. They work in a little hill fortress, located around back of Cecil’s Burrito Shop—probably because Guatemala’s mountains are mostly volcanic.
Nevertheless, that piece of twaddle now having been cleared up, bugologist these days don’t actually wear lab coats much anymore. That’s because of the “Great Gary Larson’s Far Side Strike of 1987.”
Alien Bugologist were forced to give up wearing them after, Gary Larson, creator of the comic strip “The Far Side” took to drawing CRACKPOT SCIENTIST in lab coats—instead of the more nobler, alien bugologist.
I suspect, promises were made, endorsements were given, money exchanged under the table—possibly from a duped, Scientific America, and all on behalf of a rather dubious group of crackpot scientist—and eventually the great, Gary Larson, was forced to retire—if only to save the reputation of his strip, The Far Side.
Anyway, Arnie, tells me that since Tony Stark and The Avengers took over the job of protecting us and our planet, that all the best scientific minds gave up on the idea of ever trying to stop this invasion—and eventually went underground to become Morloks.
That leaves only you and I (and some pest control companies) to stop this dastardly invasion ourselves—which has become an all out infestation.
Just the other night, my wife and I had an alien encounter in our downstairs bathroom. Oh, the bloodcurdling screams that came from our bathroom.
When my wife joined me in screaming, I felt like I just had to do something.
That’s when I reached for a rolled up magazine and began to wage a life or death battle with one of the eight legged creatures.
However, I finally had to retreat to a Motel 6 over in the next state, where (according to Tom Bodett) they leave the light on for ya. I suppose, that’s on the off chance you, or I, should ever have a close encounter—of the eight legged kind.
Now I’ve always subscribed to the opinion that anything with more than two legs should probably be regarded as something otherworldly.
Which could explain why I’ve never been attacked from behind by a Chihuahua…or rabid Dogapus—that’s a fictional but docile creature towards man.
You can read all about it in Geek Monthly. I’m told that one, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, discovered the creature. A likeness of it can be found hanging on the occasional T-Shirt.
Anyway, eight legs is just six too many, folks. Which is why I strongly urge you to fear such aliens.
That, and they’re much faster than we are. Not to mention…MUCH, MUCH SMALLER.
To be chased by a creature one inch in length—NEARLY 3 CENTIMETERS LONG—is to know shear terror.
At one point, I got so scared that I rushed out to buy a pack of “Depend” absorbant underwear—which I promptly went through all in one night.
This happened when my wife found out about the purchase and she hadn’t yet factored it into our budget.
Let me tell ya, creepy crawly aliens, and a wife whose budget is out of whack, are probably not to be trifled with.
Now, I suspect you think I’m just making all of this stuff up simply because I needed a post for my blog.
Could be. But, ask yourself these following questions before you discount what I’ve told you.
Like, why is my blog not read by more readers? Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, the real reason why I have so few followers is not because I write posts of no value, but because my readers have been abducted. Or worse, stored and consumed by said aliens at a later date?
Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
Or let me ask you this one. How are alien insects able to control flying saucers with so many legs always getting in the way while not having any hands? Makes you think, doesn’t it?
Also, who are the contractors who designed those unidentified flying objects we see in the sky all the time? Could it be…TESLA? And, where can I buy one in a midnight blue?
I mean, if the darn things are gonna lose value the instant you fly them off the lot, shouldn’t you be able to get one in your favourite colour?
At the very least… one at a Kelley (PROJECT) Blue Book price?