Whoops! Apparently a former employee of ours from, “In My Cluttered Attic” (going by the name of Bob), went and hijacked my blog yesterday (without my notice), and then proceeded to go about telling the world that it was going to end.
He even tried to create AN EVEN GREATER STIR, by telling the worlds populace that my blog “In My Cluttered Attic” was also coming to an end!
Well, you’ll all be happy to know that this bounder and cad has been apprehended by this sites secret police. He is being held in a secluded maximum security prison where some inhuman experiments are now being conducted on him. He’ll trouble you no more.
Normally I would not divulge the nature of these inhuman experiments, but in this case—and as a warning to others who would dare to overthrow and use this site for anything else, but humor and gaiety—I am going to let you all in on the cruel treatment he is currently undergoing.
First of all, upon his incarceration, former SS officers (who had been hiding out in Brazil) were brought in (don’t worry, we here at ‘The Attic’ paid them the proper American minimum wage) to do a thorough interrogation. At first, they were not as excited about the work as we had hoped.
Naturally, we showed little patience with our interrogators (its the American way) as many of them are not only long out of practice, but also hobbled and crippled by age. But, our use of the finest whips money can buy eventually compelled them to do our bidding. We find this works quite well, except for when a certain number of these slackers die on us.
That’s when we really had to crack down on them. Thus, the need for a new time clock where they have to punch in before they can conduct their inhuman experiments. Now they can’t wait to get to work. However, they still hate that time clock..
But back to our prisoner.
The torture for his crimes have been hideous, but no more than he deserves. First they took away his half eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich… and under no circumstances was he permitted to have a glass of milk. NO MILK FOR HIM! He’s also forbidden to watch ‘Dancng with the Stars’ (we discovered that he secretly worships Tom Bergeron).
And lastly, he was asked to take down his posters of Caitlyn Jenner from his cell walls, and replace them with Bruce Jenner’s posters.
Now, some of you may find this kind of treatment harsh and uncivilized. We here at ‘The Attic’ get that. But, we also feel the punishment should fit the crime. After all, we were no less harsh with former Vice President (god I love saying that), Dick Cheney, when we took away his rifle after his famous misfire.
Or when we took away President Obama’s birth certificate for naming his dog Bo. Of course at the time we had no idea that the Donald would have a field day with that one. But, our reluctance to let anyone off the hook knows no bounds.
Especially when it comes to former employee, Bob.
We caught him hiding out in front of In My Cluttered Attic’s basement using an alias. He was calling himself, Dr.Robert Bob. Doctor of what? Fortunately, our experts weren’t fooled one bit by his extremely complicated fake name. We might have found him sooner if he hadn’t changed his shirt from yesterday.
That Bob! He really deserves all the inhumane punishments you and your team can dream up!
And Jan, boy do we have some really cool ideas. Some we’ve never even tried before! Like having Bob plugging in a toaster while he sits in a hot tub. I’ve always wanted to find out if that really works. Or, having him drink arsenic to see if people really do foam at the mouth after they take it. You know, stuff like that. I’ll keep you posted on our findings. :O)
You gotta love him! 😀
You should make him eat ice cream all day!
But Kate, its Haagen Dazs. You know…the good stuff!
Get the diet kind….yuk!
Ah yes. I forgot about that. Good idea Kate
Bob Bob bob!!
That’s what all my employees kept saying when I demanded, “WHO DID THIS?” After that there was no place for Bob to hide.
ha ha ha
You know, I can believe all this. I really can.
But Tom Bergeon being built like like a tank? Not that seems just a little far-fetched.
Okay. So, I may have taken a little artistic license, but Bob might have stretched the truth like elastic. But you should see the standing chest press Tom does with that mic…50 to a hundred a show!
I’m glad the world, and the blog, have gone on to see another day. I feel a little sorry for Bob, and wonder what happened to his sandwich.
Burp! It was delicious.Jay, if you’ll excuse me for a minute…I need a milk chaser. 😀
Now if you told me that he would be forced to WATCH Dancing With The Stars…that would be cruel and Inhumane torture…:)
Now George, we’re not barbarians.
I visualize Bob like the crazed employee of Scrooged! Good thing he doesn’t carry a double-barreled rifle. Does he talk in a squeaky voice?
Bob is just your typical wrongly discharged employee with a gripe. He acts as if the whole world (The world of In My Cluttered Attic) is against him.We here at “The Attic” have tried to squelch his voice of disapproval on more than one occasion. Unfortunately, Bob is delusional and he left us no choice, but to have him institutionalized, and without pay. We eagerly await his next move, should he ever get out of that straight jacket.
I’m glad you have a handle on things…
Especially on Bobs new jacket, the one with no sleeves. He’s sort of a… hands on kind of guy. 😀
Oh dear. Bob’s my uncle.
You have our sincere apologies, Ms. Dorothy! He’ll be put back on our payroll immediately! We had no idea the wind blew that way. Tom, Dick, and Harry weren’t working out anyway.
Thanks. I hate it when people, even total strangers, keep reminding me that he is family. But blood is thicker than water, I guess. And he’s thicker than most.
You are truly a kind man. And so good looking, too. I’m thinking of breaking up with Johnny depp…
Yes, Bob does have a bit of a thick skull. Probably why we started referring to him as the numb-skull around here. So you think I look handsome? Thank goodness I got that nose job, it has made all the difference! Eat your heart out Johnny. 😀
No… No milk?? What cruel punishment!
Shannon, sometimes its necessary to take extreme measures in order to preserve the insanity of “The Attic.” But I’m sure that as soon as all the facts are made public—by Edward Snowden—you’ll understand we did the right thing by not letting him drink cow juice.
In my experience all Bobs are bad news, especially this one italian greyhound I pet-sat for! At least now you’ll know to discriminate more readily for your next employee! Also it sounds like the punishment couldn’t have been more perfect, although putting up the Bruce Jenner posters may have been a little harsh…
He probably (the greyhound) didn’t like the name Ro-bear-toe (be sure to pronounce it in your strongest quasi Italian accent). Yet, I do feel really bad about the Bruce Jenner fiasco—but once a year I have this terrible urge to humiliate some unfortunate employee. I’m on pills for it you know. Apparently there’s no cure, it heredity, it runs rampant through the office!