Grog, And The Mars Moon Mission


Ever since, Grog, invented the first boom boom stick—suitable for clubbing T-Rex over the head with—we people have always been interested in future advancement.

Despite Grog’s miscalculation on the height differential—resulting in death (and messy) demise of Grog the first, by said T-Rex—his people have pressed forward in an attempt to push the boundaries of scientific advancement.

For instance, they came up with the ever practical new Rubik’s Cube MP3 Player. So portable, it fits right into your fanny pack. Well, not QUITE INTO YOUR FANNY PACK, but with a little assistance from a crowbar and a barrage of profanity, you might be able to fit the cube in… BUTT barely..

Yet, not content with creating space for a Rubik’s Cube MP3 Player that fits into your fanny pack like a lump of cube, Grog’s ancestors had also wanted to explore space of another kind. O-U-T-E-R  S-P-A-C-E (echo, echo, echo)!

You see, Grog—and his offspring—have always had this thing about going to the moon. This makes perfect sense when you consider how, after they made a mess of the air and oceans down here on earth, the next logical step would naturally be…going to the moon.

Now initially, Grog thought that catapults could do the trick. That was of course, before Grog went up and did a splash down in the middle of the ocean. There, waiting patiently, but ravenously to perform the recovery part of the mission, was a Mosasaurus—like the one seen here in Jurassic World. (Burp!)  mosasaurus1

Undeterred though—despite finding what was left of Grog and his loincloth washing up on shore—his offspring never gave up hope of polluting our moon too.

So competing—as ancestors are apt to do—Astronaut Grog’s ancestors hatched a plan to make Cosmonaut Grog’s family jealous of this possible super achievement. This they did, when they discovered that, Cosmonaut Grog, might actually make it to the moon before, Astronaut Grog.

Astronaut Grog, realizing that a trip to the moon would involve getting through the Van Allen radiation belts—which hang in a low orbit around the earth (a problem which NASA’s Orion mission Grog’s, are JUST NOW ADDRESSING here in 2015) for deep space exploration—decided to hire a mega Hollywood producer Grog, to stage a fake moon landing.

Surprisingly, this subterfuge actually worked!

It so fooled Cosmonaut Grog and his fellow comrades enough, that they felt defeated. This left them wanting to climb into a giant bottle of Vodka and forget about the moon—yet another seemingly impossible Grog task, albeit, an intoxicating one. However, they settled on building a space station instead.

Now, this space station would be designed to harmlessly float underneath the Van Allen radiation belts—something scientifically possible—and could then be realistically reached by a space shuttle.

But when Cosmonaut Grog—who had since reverted back to a neanderthal Grog, but now calling himself, Putin the Grog (all the while not wearing a shirt at every possible moment…especially when wrestling Saber-toothed Tigers) heard about a Astronaut named, Damon the Grog, landing on the planet Mars, well all hell broke loose. Now Astronaut, Damon the Grog was telling his story in a major motion picture called, “The Martian” and that was the last straw for Putin the Grog! tigermarvin_the_martian_cutie_by_snowstoat-d4czucx

Now Putin the Grog was wanting to know how NASA Grog’s, could have possibly erased the actual footage of the supposed moon-landing? I mean, come on… it’s the ultimate technological achievement for Grog’s the world over!

This forced NASA’s Grog’s to undertake and oversee a project to digitize old grainy footage of the first moon landing. Grog’s the world over now wanted to know what’s next—erasing “The Martian” so that NASA’s Grog’s could get into digitizing Hollywood films?

What are these NASA Grog’s really trying to hide? Another Grog encounter, but this time with a possible Moonasaurus, or maybe even a Martianasaurus—OR BOTH?

Why, all this Grog vs Grog dealing and double-dealing is enough to make any average Grog, want to go and drink a keg of Grog!


Its National Visit MY Blog Day!

neon blogNo it’s not a typo.

And no not type O either…like in blood type. Also you can forget… “Its National Visit A Blog Day.”

Nope… this is…”Its National Visit MY Blog Day”

“Note the blue neon sign…see the white letters form the words “VISIT MY BLOG”—and let it entrance you…listen to the sound of my voice (doesn’t it sound like Matthew MacConaughey in one of those Lincoln commercials), isn’t that soothing?

Alright then—so you say you can’t hear my voice? Then never mind that part.

Just skip to the next part…

“Observe the warm, neon blue colored background (especially those of you who live in the snow-covered east)…doesn’t this remind you of what the skies true color really is—the blue that has been missing since well… missing since B.C.E?”

baby readingOkay, so the hypnotism thing doesn’t work in this medium. But do you want babies growing up reading books instead of MY blog?

Of course you don’t.

That’s why we do everything we can to get people (and animals—if it willbear reading improve MY stats) to find and read, MY blog.

Think of the things we can do to attract readers to MY blog. We can’t be bothered about content—well I certainly can’t.

That would mean an attempt on MY part at good writing (god knows that would be suicide for me), which in turn requires deep thought (something I’m thoroughly incapable of) and still leads to—MY suicide.

Quality writing? Ha…you want me to check the punctuation, spelling, and then edit too? Who has the time—please don’t all check your watches at the same time.

You and I have to work for a living…well okay you do.

So do I…

…all day…every day…on MY blog…morning, noon, and night…and twice on Sunday’s—and the other eight day’s out of the week too! For some reason my wife still thinks there’s seven, funny girl.

Now sometimes we don’t even know what we’re going to write about. We need something interesting in order to attract readers.I don’t care to explain (but I will) just how hard it was for me to write that (most interesting) post at the end of 2014 entitled “Blah, Blah, Blah.” You know the one where I used 438 words to tell a story—and each of those words was spelled with the same four letters, B, L, A, and H.

And someone misspelled.

Worse, I borrowed that post from somebody else in order to look like a proper writer—only to find out later—they misspelled Blah with two A’s as in … Blaa!

The lone person who did comment on that post said, “Learn how to spell, idiot!”

I thought to myself—”Now why in the world would I want to learn how to spell idiot?”

But I digress. We were talking about how to attract more people to MY blog.

So, do we want to keep pressing the “like” button on every blog we come across just to get someone to take notice of us even on say—Kanye West’s blog? Yeah he has one!

putinOr continue typing out responses to other blogs to people you could care less about like a—Vladimir Putin. Yep he has a blog too (but not nearly as much fun as mine). In fact, he’s learning to type out his blog on his new tablet (and with a great deal of long-suffering assistance). But you have to type your responses to Vlad in Russian.

Anyone here know what key to press to get the Russian alphabet to come up on your keyboard?

So, short of buying a banner, or renting a plane to promote and get people to read MY blog, take a look at this post of mine.Think how we all can attract more people to MY blog, and then make suggestions here.

I MIGHT even put in a good word for your blog—well (This has been a subliminal message for—MY blog)