The Amazing World Of—Toilet Paper!

Most of your are well acquainted with the fabulous product known as, toilet paper. For those of you who are not, you might want to turn over a new leaf.

Aside from its most obvious use—that of TP-ing your enemies house before a rainstorm—there are plenty of other uses for this marvelous product.

For example: I remember this little snot who used to bully me at school. One day he ran out of Kleenex and I knew this would lead him—and his runny nose—racing for the nearest bathroom

With my usual foresight, I saw fit to un-spool all the toilet paper into the toilet bowls, thus leaving him with none to use. However—uncouth scamp that he was—he chose to wipe his nose on my sweater, instead. Not only did this leave me with a silver slick up my sleeve; it also left me with a lot of explaining to do—to the school custodian.

In time, I moved on and discovered some other practical uses for toilet paper. For instance; spitballing can be an enjoyable way to pass time while sitting in the stall of a school  bathroom. Simply wet the tissue and launch it upward. It’s truly amazing how well it sticks to the ceiling.

Did you know that you can cover an entire ceiling with the stuff? Not to mention how it can lead you and the principal to getting better acquainted with one another while sitting together in his office.

Over the years creativity set in. Once, I was chewing some gum while sitting in a stall of the office bathroom—a place I had grown quite familiar with—when all of a sudden, I had an epiphany. Fortunately I was on my meds at the time—but that didn’t stop me from getting an idea, too.

I thought; why not attach the gum to a piece of toilet paper and place it on the floor in the next stall?

It worked to near perfection. Eventually some stooge came in and sat down. When he got up to leave, he stepped right on my little trap and off he went. It was too easy. All I had to do now was follow the toilet paper attached to the knuckleheads shoe. Out of the main office I went, through the halls, to the playground, in and out of several classrooms…

Eventually arriving back in the school principal’s…office!

Apparently, I had made one tiny mistake. That of leaving some gum on the floor in my stall, too. My shoe had stepped on the end of the toilet paper I was using. This made it very easy for his bloodhounds—(the very mean) Mrs. Montrose and her maniacal henchman, Mr. Bentley, to track me down.

Thus proving, they weren’t really trackers after all. Just a couple of lucky teachers—leaving me terribly unlucky.

None of my ingenious lies seemed to sway the principal from his decision to put me in solitary, thus forcing me to do hard time in (the truly evil) Mrs. Montrose class—while having to stay after school. Six months of that can have a profound affect on you. It caused me to go straight. Straight back to the bathroom. Where I discovered another amazing use for toilet paper.

Called, wiping your…

Who said school wasn’t educational?