Grog, And The Mars Moon Mission


Ever since, Grog, invented the first boom boom stick—suitable for clubbing T-Rex over the head with—we people have always been interested in future advancement.

Despite Grog’s miscalculation on the height differential—resulting in death (and messy) demise of Grog the first, by said T-Rex—his people have pressed forward in an attempt to push the boundaries of scientific advancement.

For instance, they came up with the ever practical new Rubik’s Cube MP3 Player. So portable, it fits right into your fanny pack. Well, not QUITE INTO YOUR FANNY PACK, but with a little assistance from a crowbar and a barrage of profanity, you might be able to fit the cube in… BUTT barely..

Yet, not content with creating space for a Rubik’s Cube MP3 Player that fits into your fanny pack like a lump of cube, Grog’s ancestors had also wanted to explore space of another kind. O-U-T-E-R  S-P-A-C-E (echo, echo, echo)!

You see, Grog—and his offspring—have always had this thing about going to the moon. This makes perfect sense when you consider how, after they made a mess of the air and oceans down here on earth, the next logical step would naturally be…going to the moon.

Now initially, Grog thought that catapults could do the trick. That was of course, before Grog went up and did a splash down in the middle of the ocean. There, waiting patiently, but ravenously to perform the recovery part of the mission, was a Mosasaurus—like the one seen here in Jurassic World. (Burp!)  mosasaurus1

Undeterred though—despite finding what was left of Grog and his loincloth washing up on shore—his offspring never gave up hope of polluting our moon too.

So competing—as ancestors are apt to do—Astronaut Grog’s ancestors hatched a plan to make Cosmonaut Grog’s family jealous of this possible super achievement. This they did, when they discovered that, Cosmonaut Grog, might actually make it to the moon before, Astronaut Grog.

Astronaut Grog, realizing that a trip to the moon would involve getting through the Van Allen radiation belts—which hang in a low orbit around the earth (a problem which NASA’s Orion mission Grog’s, are JUST NOW ADDRESSING here in 2015) for deep space exploration—decided to hire a mega Hollywood producer Grog, to stage a fake moon landing.

Surprisingly, this subterfuge actually worked!

It so fooled Cosmonaut Grog and his fellow comrades enough, that they felt defeated. This left them wanting to climb into a giant bottle of Vodka and forget about the moon—yet another seemingly impossible Grog task, albeit, an intoxicating one. However, they settled on building a space station instead.

Now, this space station would be designed to harmlessly float underneath the Van Allen radiation belts—something scientifically possible—and could then be realistically reached by a space shuttle.

But when Cosmonaut Grog—who had since reverted back to a neanderthal Grog, but now calling himself, Putin the Grog (all the while not wearing a shirt at every possible moment…especially when wrestling Saber-toothed Tigers) heard about a Astronaut named, Damon the Grog, landing on the planet Mars, well all hell broke loose. Now Astronaut, Damon the Grog was telling his story in a major motion picture called, “The Martian” and that was the last straw for Putin the Grog! tigermarvin_the_martian_cutie_by_snowstoat-d4czucx

Now Putin the Grog was wanting to know how NASA Grog’s, could have possibly erased the actual footage of the supposed moon-landing? I mean, come on… it’s the ultimate technological achievement for Grog’s the world over!

This forced NASA’s Grog’s to undertake and oversee a project to digitize old grainy footage of the first moon landing. Grog’s the world over now wanted to know what’s next—erasing “The Martian” so that NASA’s Grog’s could get into digitizing Hollywood films?

What are these NASA Grog’s really trying to hide? Another Grog encounter, but this time with a possible Moonasaurus, or maybe even a Martianasaurus—OR BOTH?

Why, all this Grog vs Grog dealing and double-dealing is enough to make any average Grog, want to go and drink a keg of Grog!