About a dozen years ago I may have made a little mistake. I sent a letter out into space calling out extraterrestrial beings for their hostile nature. Ha, ha, ha… but it was a joke! Nevertheless, as luck would have it, I don’t think they saw it that way. I just received a letter of response in the mail. I think… we’re in trouble.
It was marked “Contents Urgent, Open Immediately Upon Receipt”
Naturally I wasn’t expecting any kind of response as I wrote this letter over a decade ago. I never expected any return mail, say nothing of it reaching some great INTELLIGENCE—I wonder if it’s too late to kiss up to an extraterrestrial?
Anyway, I did as instructed and opened the letter.
“Dear vile human-beings:” it began “how delightful to hear from you. We are in receipt of your letter dated September 14, 2003. We cannot help but wonder what on earth you were thinking, when you know darn well WE’RE GOING TO DESTROY YOU ALL FOR THIS!”
Okay, so I may have said a few things that were a little out of line. Things we’ll all probably regret later. But nothing any of you wouldn’t have thought of saying yourself to those little green bastards from outer space if they were standing here.
Which apparently they will be doing any minute now! (gulp)
Ha, ha, ha nothing like company coming when you least expect it, right? (Ahem… Gulp)
Naturally, I am as upset about this recent turn of events as you probably all are. But, I thought you should know (even at the eleventh hour) that they’re kind of upset about some of the things I…okay… WE… said to them. (Bigger GULP)
For example; I may have gone a little overboard when I swore (with a lot of profanity… and some finger-pointing) that someday I’d… okay WE… would kick their alien butt for abducting some of our people. And um… that WE would not take any of their sorry asses as prisoner. Okay, so BIG WHOOPS on my part there.
But hey, who thought they’d ever get the letter, right? Ha, ha ha!
And I may have accused them of doing this strictly so that they could have a little too much fun performing inhuman experiments on us—all without using some of our more popular pain killing recreational drugs. Yeah alright, I’ll admit that wasn’t cool either.
But dudes… E.T. has access to all the best stuff!
I also happened to mention how we didn’t appreciate their UFO’s buzzing around some of our aircraft over the years—just so they could show off how superior their technology is to our own.
Oh, and uh, how that was something only morons would do when they feel REAL inferior. I suggested they were compensating for not having a big… uh… well… you know.
They concluded their letter of response saying, “We thought you’d like to know (apparently as a courtesy, though some might call it a warning… or a threat) that by the time you receive this letter we’ll be well on our way, and very nearly there. Can’t wait to meet you, and all your friends…IN PERSON!”
“Yours truly: the little green bastards from outer space.”
“P.S. We haven’t forgot about what you guys did to us at Roswell.”
Uh… I think it’s just possible we’re all toast.