I Think It’s Time For Another Boycott

In the words of Steve Martin “Excuuuse meee” for saying so, but I think Hollywood has a major problem on their hands.

With all the trivial problems our world is facing today like terrorism, world hunger, disease, homelessness, economic instability, racial profiling, growing student loan debt, or a suitable Presidential Candidate, it may have escaped your notice that there is another more pressing problem facing us all.

A lack of diversity among Hollywood Oscar Nominees.

I know, I know, but folks this is a problem and we need to nip it in the bud before it’s too late. So that trip to the bathroom you were contemplating… you can just forget about it! Cross your legs and eyes, because this is a priority one alert taking us to Defcon One.

Jada Pinkett Smith?

What has she got to do with all of this? Well, besides her husband Will not being nominated this year, and all her ranting and raving about other people of color not being nominated… nothing—except for perhaps possibly missing that morning cup of espresso.

pixar.wikia.com

pixar.wikia.com

I mean, the last time I looked, there were not too many Native Americans, Latin Americans, Asians, Europeans, or Mediterraneans nominated either—not to mention illegal aliens (Martians)! Don’t they come in an array of skin colors, too? I didn’t see her pleading their case all that much.

Yep, I’ll bet she was suffering from caffeine deprivation.

And yes, okay, Jada, Will, and many other celebrities of color are having a real tough time making ends meet down in sunny Southern California, what with the cost of living being what it is these days. So obviously, an Oscar nomination might have gone a long way in helping out their cause.

As opposed to just regular folks of color, who have it downright easy in many an inner city location and who could care less about any kind of Oscar nomination. But those folks are just plain whiners anyway.

No, the kind of boycott I’m talking about here is, how this years Academy Awards conveniently ignored nominating any celebrity noses of color. Talk about your total lack of diversity.

Now, I can well understand your reluctance to take me seriously about this, thinking me bias and all. But it should be noted that I am not complaining for myself alone, far from it—even though I do have a nose for this sort of thing and a rather large Red one at that, and who also happens to be a card carrying SAG (Screen Actors Guild) member.

I’m speaking out on behalf of my fellow (SAG) noses of color. Living, breathing human-beings who have no voice at all!

Why in this years Pixar film “Inside Out” alone, there were five fellow noses of color who failed to pick up a single nomination from The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

For example; Bing Bong, whose nose is Pink and who also happens to be a good friend of mine. Now his nose failed to get an Oscar nod. And then there’s Fear (Lavender), Disgust (Green), Sadness (Blue), and my favorite… Anger (Red)—although I can’t figure out why I’m so sympathetic to his exclusion—all left off of the Oscar ballot.

mr.movie review.com

mr.movie review.com I haven’t yet got a clue as to why I’m so partial to Anger?

These noses of color deserved Oscar recognition, too. Like some of the more famous noses of color from films past. The Hulk and The Wicked Witch of the West (both Green), Lassie (Black), and Kid Shelleen from “Cat Ballou” (Silver).

It should be noted that actor Lee Marvin did receive a best supporting actor Oscar. However, Mr. Marvin was a full human torso and so his award shouldn’t count.

LEE MARVIN CAT BALLOU www.filmclub.org COLUMBIA 01/05/1965 CTH27834

LEE MARVIN
CAT BALLOU
http://www.filmclub.org
COLUMBIA
01/05/1965
CTH27834

I’ve taken a lot of your time I know—and when I finish here you’ll all probably run off and set a record for toilet bowl flushes the likes of which has not been seen since… halftime at the Super Bowl. But folks, this lack of color diversity among celebrity noses must come to an end!

Much the same as this blog post.

However, I just felt that it was high time I breathed new life into this Oscar Boycott thing.

I could go on, but you probably want me to stop now.

 

 

 

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Feed The Birds Huh?

fill the skies

An ill-advised foray into cartooning on Tuesday (after my being away for three days) apparently proved catastrophic. It seems that by abandoning my posts for a few day’s of rest, resulted in an irresponsible cartoonist trying his hand at drawing a comic in my place. This caused a mass exodus from my blog—by all two of you.

Of course, I don’t blame you, you my readers, who have stuck with me through thick and thin. You were merely mislead. However, the person responsible for this act was caught, and will be dealt with… harshly.

Therefore; today’s post is for the birds.

attackThat’s right, the birds, those very same birds who attack our freshly cleaned cars on a daily basis. Oh sure I realize at first glance that this appears as nothing more than a lame attempt, on my part, to try and distract whats left of my devoted readership from the real issue at hand, a bad comic strip attempt..

And, that might be just the sort of thing you would expect, from some unethical blogger.

But not me. I know you would never expect me to stoop to such a disreputable tactic in order to keep you, my readers, from evacuating my blog—the final hope for all mankind.

I think San Francisco should have been our first clue, don’t you? All those seagulls. But, now the coming bird apocalypse is upon us.

For years, as any San Francisco Giants fan can tell you, there has been problems at night games, and that should have been our first hint. From the 7th inning on it’s been “bombs away!” At &t park

And, if you’re not wearing a cap, you’ll be wearing something worse. How long will it be before these seagulls decide eating leftover hotdogs is simply not enough?

bird on a wire.Ever since that movie “The Birds” the bird brains from Alcatraz have been calling the town of Bodega Bay home. On our drive out there this past weekend, we saw one bird after another, on a wire. And whaddya wanna bet they won’t soon wanna make a movie about that! mel

We even saw birds sitting on playground structures, and chasing kids down a hill from the old Bodega school house. In fact, this heavyset bald man was attacked with bird droppings. I offer this untouched photo as proof (however, to protect the poor mans identity, I put his features in shadow). But, this all happened. just as I said. Would I lie to you?

alfredOver the years we have all heard the reports of bird attacks around the world. And now, it has spread to television, movies and sporting events. big birdprehistoricLook at the following photographic evidence.

I think you’ll agree, the photos speak for themselves. And as you can see, I’m not just telling you a story in order to get you back as one of my esteemed, intellectual, super chickenobservant followers

On the contrary, I recognize a pigeon… ah, concerned reader, when I see one. And you my dear friends, know the truth when you hear it. And so, you know I’m not lying when I tell you…

gullsSeagulls… say “Mine, mine, mine” and quite a lot. Yes, I was shocked to hear it too! But, pictures don’t lie! Okay, so these are Pixar gulls, but does it really matter what breed of gull they are? I should think not, as a gull is a gull, animated or otherwise.

“Feed the birds, tuppence a bag” my ass. Buy food, just so they can #%@* all over us?

And, if you’re worried about that irresponsible comic, you know, the would be artist who tried to take over my blog during my absence…well, he’ll give you no more bad comics to read, I can assure you of that. From now on, I’ll be doing them instead, thus; insuring a higher quality product.

'Ready! Aim! Unfriend!'

‘Ready! Aim! Unfriend!’

Oh, about that rank amateur would be comic/artist who took over my blog while I was away. He was promptly, and unceremoniously, executed upon my return today!

Here’s the photo of the execution by computer. Warning… it’s quite graphic. Let this be a warning to other would be cartoonist, trying to take over my blog.

‘Ready! Aim! Unfriend!’