Perhaps Fame Is Relative

When you pose with a celebrity,            

a celebrity you yourself will be.

For when you pose with a celebrity,

people ask them who you are, you see?

 

People of note are people,

people like you and me,

They have wives and they have children,

and perhaps pocket money like 80 “G.”

 

Plus luminary’s and sports stars, 

may always put on a show,

But them and us are no different,

in bathrooms we all must go.

 

The hotshots may have personality,

and we may treat them all as gods,

Yet while we dwell in obscurity,

Occasionally they act like clods.

 

So one day you meet a celebrity,

a pen they ask as they greet you,

Remember this small poem and sign,

and to whom do I autograph this to?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Its National Visit MY Blog Day!

No it’s not a typo.

And no not type O either…like in blood type. Also you can forget… “Its National Visit A Blog Day.”

Nope… this is…”Its National Visit MY Blog Day”

“Note the blue neon sign…see the white letters form the words “VISIT MY BLOG”—and let it entrance you…listen to the sound of my voice (doesn’t it sound like Matthew MacConaughey in one of those Lincoln commercials), isn’t that soothing?

Alright then—so you say you can’t hear my voice? Then never mind that part.

Just skip to the next part…

“Observe the warm, neon blue colored background (especially those of you who live in the snow-covered east)…doesn’t this remind you of what the skies true color really is—the blue that has been missing since well… missing since B.C.E?”

Okay, so the hypnotism thing doesn’t work in this medium. But do you want babies growing up reading books instead of MY blog?

Of course you don’t.

That’s why we do everything we can to get people (and animals—if it will improve MY stats) to find and read, MY blog.

Think of the things we can do to attract readers to MY blog. We can’t be bothered about content—well I certainly can’t.

That would mean an attempt on MY part at good writing (god knows that would be suicide for me), which in turn requires deep thought (something I’m thoroughly incapable of) and still leads to—MY suicide.

Quality writing? Ha…you want me to check the punctuation, spelling, and then edit too? Who has the time—please don’t all check your watches at the same time.

You and I have to work for a living…well okay you do.

So do I…

…all day…every day…on MY blog…morning, noon, and night…and twice on Sunday’s—and the other eight day’s out of the week too! For some reason my wife still thinks there’s seven, funny girl.

Now sometimes we don’t even know what we’re going to write about. We need something interesting in order to attract readers.I don’t care to explain (but I will) just how hard it was for me to write that (most interesting) post at the end of 2014 entitled “Blah, Blah, Blah.” You know the one where I used 438 words to tell a story—and each of those words was spelled with the same four letters, B, L, A, and H.

And someone misspelled.

Worse, I borrowed that post from somebody else in order to look like a proper writer—only to find out later—they misspelled Blah with two A’s as in … Blaa!

The lone person who did comment on that post said, “Learn how to spell, idiot!”

I thought to myself—”Now why in the world would I want to learn how to spell idiot?”

But I digress. We were talking about how to attract more people to MY blog.

So, do we want to keep pressing the “like” button on every blog we come across just to get someone to take notice of us even on say—Kanye West’s blog? Yeah he has one!

Or continue typing out responses to other blogs to people you could care less about like a—Vladimir Putin. Yep he has a blog too (but not nearly as much fun as mine). In fact, he’s learning to type out his blog on his new tablet (and with a great deal of long-suffering assistance). But you have to type your responses to Vlad in Russian.

Anyone here know what key to press to get the Russian alphabet to come up on your keyboard?

So, short of buying a banner, or renting a plane to promote and get people to read MY blog, take a look at this post of mine.Think how we all can attract more people to MY blog, and then make suggestions here.

I MIGHT even put in a good word for your blog—well maybe. (This has been a subliminal message for—MY blog)

Jon Stewart Leaving…Why Jon Why?

“Birds do it, bees do it even educated fleas do it”—how do we know they’re educated?—let’s do it, let’s leave our show. With apologies to Cole Porter the point, so clumsily being made here is, everyone is abandoning their shows.

First of all David Letterman announced he was leaving—last show May 20th—then Jay Leno left, and in succession Stephen Colbert, Craig Ferguson, Brian Williams (forced abdication), and now Jon Stewart.

Why?

Well Brian Williams departure is totally explainable—liar lair pants on fire—although at one time or other we’ve all done that, but Mr. Williams is held to a higher standard—unlike the rest of us, and thank goodness since my pants are a blazing inferno.

Jay Leno left his position as host and then returned, but then decided—as did NBC—that it was time to move on so that up and coming Jimmy Fallon could slide into his seat, as he appealed to a larger demographic. We all know there is probably more to the story, and we will leave that to TMZ.

When David Letterman decided to retire it was suspected that fellow CBS host and Letterman employee— of sorts—Craig Ferguson, would move into Letterman’s seat. But wait a tic, the cheeky monkey Scotsman decided to step aside too. We all suspect there is more to the story, but we’ll leave that for “Entertainment Tonight.”

Then self-mocking funnyman Stephen Colbert announced he was leaving to assume the duties of host for David Letterman. Was he unhappy over there at “Comedy Central?” We’ll leave that for “Inside Edition.”

Now, only hours after asking Brian Williams why he lied, Jon Stewart has decided to step down from “The Daily Show.”

Jon told us, that after 17 years of hosting the show, he wanted to spend more time with his family. We have no reason to doubt his explanation, but there very well could be more to the story. And we will leave that to the tabloids at your checkout line.

But who’s next… “Inquiring minds wanna know?”

Could it be that Jimmy Kimmel is planning to depart the late night scene also? Perhaps he’s keeping it under wraps until sweeps? Does he have a few skeletons in the closet—and why a few, why not just one? Maybe it’s a “Blow Up Doll” or maybe, just maybe I’m getting carried away because I’m paranoid.

Maybe Scott Pelley of the “CBS Evening News” has a big announcement to reveal later this week, or possibly tonight. Is that why Rosie O’Donnell left “The View” after returning for only 6 months… because she intends to wrestle away the news-desk from him… hmm?

What’s the real truth behind all of these departures and speculated departures—except Brian Williams since we already know he’s a liar, like the rest of us—what aren’t they telling us? Come on crack loose with the truth. I know I can take it… at least I think I can… I used to be able to… not so much anymore though.

But the whole world wants to know the truth and nothing but the truth, or maybe they just think they do.

It’s a conspiracy I tell you. Or maybe THEY, and you know who THEY are, feel—”You can’t handle the truth!”

We’re Going To Measleyland!

Hey mom and dad, you’ve just decided not to give your kids the vaccination, what’ya gonna do next? “We’re going to Measleyland!”

Oh boy a vacation to Measleyland. Planning a vacation doesn’t always require planning and coordination. Spontaneity can be loads of fun too.

Weather is usually not a problem in Southern California. Still, might be a good idea to pack for cool nights, or possible rain. Always best to be prepared, even if you can’t prepare for everything.

On occasions getting food-poisoning from Mac’s Greasy spoon could happen. Diarrhea … well what can you do? A cold? Always possible, especially when flying with all that re-circulated air, but you have to admit, that beats no air?

Oh, and then there is worshiping the porcelain god, but hey, a little praying never hurt anybody.

Nevertheless a trip to the happiest place on earth need not become a trip to the crappiest place in the world, right?

So away you go.

Upon arriving at Measleyland you are met with all kinds of decisions to make, in particularly if you didn’t plan in advance. Do you stay in a motel, hotel, or sleep in a car. Measeleyland, A California Adventure, or watching others eat and shop in Downtown Measleys.

And then there is where to eat? In Measleyland, outside the park at Denny’s, McDonalds, or at a food kitchen?

Finally there is entry into the parks. Do we buy a one, two, or three day pass before totally going broke, or has that already happened?

There is going to be lots of walking and standing involved. Good thing you avoided workouts at the fitness center, wouldn’t want to be exhausted from getting in shape. And lines, bound to be a few of those, why its practically a pastime at Measleyland.

But your at Measleyland, that’s all that matters.

Wow, look at those crowds. Everywhere you look there are people from all over. From Asia, Mexico, Canada, and Europe. Why Main Street U.S.A practically resembles America as a melting-pot of cultures, all talking, coughing, sneezing, and breathing on one-another. Good thing you’re not a hypochondriac.

Oh look there’s Measles the Mouse. Be sure to duck Donald when they start talking in your direction, lets not get too goofy about catching those crazy viruses though.

What a great trip that was, and everyone had a wonderful time. Its sure going to be hard getting back to work after this adventure, but you need to, after-all, you broke the bank.

But wait, your wife is yelling at you about something on the news. Seems somebody else went to Measleyland without getting the measles vaccination. Looks like that 104 degree temperature one of your children was running, has just turned to red spots before your eyes.