My Wife: Genius!

The genius, my wife.

The genius, my wife.

After many years of marriage I’m all too aware that my wife is a genius. But for some reason I feel my wife doesn’t see my particular genius at all.

Now I confess to not understanding how her genius works, but it does. She can fix practically anything. Okay… EVERYTHING, and never touch a single item she fixes. She’s absolutely AMAZING! Must have learned from the great Houdini.

Now at first, none of us in the family recognized her genius. Maybe that’s because we’re not very observant. Alright… its definitely because we’re not very observant. In fact, we’re virtually blind when it comes to being very observant.

The kids and I would be doing something when all of a sudden, we’d encounter a problem—which is practically every minute of every day.

Enter the genius—my wife—cape, mask and… sunglasses? IMG_20130407_124752_703

Here’s an example:

Once I was packing the back of our Ford Sport Explorer for a trip—Ford can thank me for this free advertisement later—by sending money… and lots of it.

I was having trouble getting everything to fit into the back of it.

“Honey… the box won’t fit!—I’m known in these parts as vehicularly challenged, especially when it comes to explorer

When all of a sudden…POOF!

In a flash… my wife comes out of nowhere (she’s very stealthy) and in the beat of an eyelash has diagnosed the problem, and quickly imparted the appropriate verbal calculations…

“The suitcase goes 2 degrees to the left dear, and the small briefcase needs to be turned 360 degrees to the right. Then I’d like you to place the baguette on top. Be careful not to tip the duffel bag over onto my pumps on your right, as I would like to wear those later. Girls… please help your father maneuver the luggage, won’t you.”

They all smiled and did as instructed while my lower jaw dropped—to the pavement. She then sipped her coffee and with a smile, magically slid herself into the passenger seat.

Our boys?

Well our boys did what our boys usually do—they followed my lead and dropped their jaws too, while our girls did what they always do…giggle at us males.

As the years have passed everyone in our family has come to appreciate my wife and her peculiar brand of genius.

Our daughters can’t find their tap-shoes

Enter my wife. She looks under the bed, ask “Then what are these?” and proceeds to miraculously produce three pairs of tap shoes and then vanishes back to where she came from—probably to produce another miracle somewhere else in the house.

Makes no difference what it is we’re whining about the resident genius works her magic.

TV remote not working, the car won’t start, piano sounds out of tune, or a laptop has downloaded a virus… no problem.

She has the answer… just stare at it.

And viola! All is right with the world again and not a finger lifted to repair, pull, maneuver, or dig out anything. Its just magically taken care of.


Of course the rest of us look and feel absolutely stupid. Leaving us to ask; how does she do it? Who cares, right? Just as long as whatever it is that’s not right gets fixed, found, or working again.

But now, I’ve hatched this little plan to demonstrate to her… MY PARTICULAR BRAND OF GENIUS. Oh yes—in spite of what our kids might tell you—I’m a genius, too.

First of all, I recognize that up to now every one of us have been my wife’s Svengali.svengali Okay, so we look a little strange, but hey, weird looking eyes are probably a by-product of being a Svengali.

That, or possibly a result of not knowing what to do when something is broken, or otherwise not working.

I think doctors have a technical term for this. They call it: Deer in the headlights syndrome.

But no matter, we all know that if we don’t whine about something… she won’t be able to work her magic.

So I’ve come up with this little plan, see.

Come this weekend, I’m gonna complain that I haven’t been able to pick the winning numbers for the lottery. And when she has to come over to fix it… faster than you can say “Bob’s your rich long lost uncle” POOF!

I’m going to be busy counting millions of dollars.

Now whose a genius?