The Great Turkey Shoot Of 1620

Bethel Church

Time for a little history lesson and this being a holiday weekend lets talk turkey.

The year was 1620. The American Revolution was still many years away, but a little known piece of American history was about to unfold.

America was young then and the Thanksgiving holiday had yet to be recognized. However, such was not the case for the Native American Turkey. Thanks to a group of early American paparazzi, they WERE recognized.

The reason for their recognition may have had a little something to do with bullseyes being pinned to their backs by some early American hoodlums called… The Pilgrims.

Nevertheless, we must remember that Pin the Tale on the Donkey was nearly a century away from being legalized in America… and donkeys were in short supply. So, naturally, what other prank could a young misguided Pilgrim play on someone—or on some turkey?

It also should be noted that the The Pilgrim Gang (as they later came to be called) carried boom boom sticks. Native Americans called them Blunderbusses, but they had a better command of the new American-English language—having been here longer.

Now these young Pilgrim hoodlums became so good with there boom boom sticks that they were actually able to hit the broad side of a barn—from only two-feet away.

And without pulling the triggers!

Seeing as they were now wearing bullseyes this became something of a grave concern for the turkeys.

Above The Law

So one day as the turkeys were gathering on Lexington Green, black coated Pilgrims took aim and fired thier boom boom sticks into a crowd of turkeys.

Apparently, the men in black figured out what the triggers were for—and then quickly adopted The Second Amendment.

When all was said and done half a dozen turkeys had fallen—and couldn’t get up.

A warning went out far and wide “The black coats are coming, the black coats are coming!” because turkeys are known for repeating themselves—you know… gobble, gobble.

That’s when the turkeys turned to a young turkey—one Tom by name—to lead them in a revolt.

The turkeys then followed Tom the Turkey up a hill where he began to gobble, gobble—in turkey of course…

“I regret that I have but one life to give!”

Well, the next thing you know those trigger happy black coats fired on Tom the Turkey, and there he gave that one life because turkeys (unlike cats) only have but one life to give.

Unfortunately, in the process of gobble gobbling… he also gave away the position of all the other turkeys!

Today we still remember The Great Turkey shoot of 1620 and the turkeys who gave their lives—albeit… involuntary.

And so that is why we share our tables with their offspring when we gather to eat on the last Thursday of every November. Oh… and we celebrate and watch football too. But… ALL IN THEIR MEMORY!

Well, that, and it beats the hell out of eating meatloaf again.

So, eat up, and Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Clipart Library

 

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Have You Remembered What Day Tomorrow Is?

lov me

Tomorrow is that very special day. That holiday where people we love are singled out. Yep you guessed it… “Singles Awareness Day.”

What are the odds that “Valentine’s Day” would fall on the same day?

Now I know what your thinking, your thinking…I’ve never… I’ve never heard of… well… I’ve never heard of anyone forgetting to celebrate “Singles Awareness Day” have you?

Well singles certainly haven’t.

Of course “Valentine’s Day” always gets the lions share of the attention on February 14th, but that’s only because some little curly haired kid with wings has a bow and arrow to shoot people in the ass with. And who gives a child that age a bow and arrow, and a name like, “Cupid,” to fly around doing stuff like that?stupid cupid

And by the way, I dare you to find a baby book with the name “Cupid” in it as a suggested name for a child.

“Singles Awareness Day” has never had to stoop to such low sensational tactics, say nothing of the bribery that goes on like buying candy, glittery cards, writing poetry or taking ones romantic other to dinner. And the reason for that, because singles don’t have significant others…so there.

Don’t be like that—singles don’t want your pity—they want your other… well sometimes.

And they’re not narcissistic either—well maybe a little love for themselves, and okay, in some cases full-blown self-infatuation—but on the whole, they are just like you and me. But not because they want to be—well maybe, occasionally.

“Singles Awareness Day” is all about the joy of not having to be committed to no one else but yourself.

Or until George Clooney gets divorced, or if your a guy… well, until George Clooney gets divorced! Well in the case of some guys I’m sure that’s true.

Singles also celebrate not having to share everything. Things like money, a bank account, money, a house, MONEY, and then children.

Unless of course they’ve had a rough week with their children, in which case they’d turn over complete custody in a heartbeat to their now, less-than-significant other, and then leave the country.

On this day singles celebrate being able to watch any program they want without compromise. They relish going to see a movie they want to see without having to flip a coin to decide on, “The Notebook” or “Predator.”

Singles on this day say, “I’m buying that dress, because no one here is gonna tell me I can’t afford it.”

And another single somewhere else will say, “I’m buying season tickets for my favorite sports team, and you can’t tell me I can’t afford it—even though I can’t afford it. After which he will sleep on his friend Jim’s couch, or a park bench.”

So remember friends, this Saturday February 14th there are two holidays, and ah one—”50 Shades of Grey.”