The most wonderful time of the year is nearly here again.
That time of year when life-affirming stories celebrate the spirit of the holidays, warm our hearts, and fill us with good cheer—like that spiked pumpkin spice latte I had the other night—and then are either read or watched for the umpteenth time.
Stories like… A Christmas Carol (all 218 versions), Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, and that new all-time classic…
“Baxter the Snowman and Three Dance Around the Truth Sugarplum Fairies.”
Now I know what you’re going to ask? You’re going to ask, “Paul, what in the world was in your spiked pumpkin spiced latte?”
Well, I don’t rightly know, but it may have had something to do with the creation of that great title and the story I’m about to tell.
Why, any day now there’s bound to be a audio book version of this post at your local Barnes & Noble, and just in time for the holidays too.
They might even hire Maggie Simpson of “The Simpsons” to read it—MAKING IT A REAL STOCKING-STUFFER!—an absolute must for the whole (blended) family.
None of that is important though—until the cash starts rolling in.
No, what’s really important is that this story never has been a novel, movie adaptation, nor holiday television special—filled with plenty of holiday commercials—and yet, it’s still destined to become an instant yuletide classic.
Our story begins on Christmas Eve around 5 BC just outside a little town on the edge of the Egyptian Desert—a tad east of Toledo, Ohio.
There, we find a partial snowman by the name of Baxter, melting like a frozen popcycle in a microwave oven. He’s staring up into the night sky in hopes that the big red elf known as, Santa Claus, will be bringing him a corncob pipe—it was on back order from L.L. Bean.
Suddenly, a streaking bright object races across the Eastern sky.
Why it’s Santa Claus!
And what’s this? He’s being chased by the Nomadic Air Patrol. Maybe we should just skip that part. No point in sticking around to watch Santa get a speeding ticket.
This is where three Sugarplum Fairies of ill-repute appeared out of nowhere—but likely from somewhere.
They glide up to Baxter and begin telling him that they are on a quest for the “Sacred Snowball of Azhar Malik.”
That’s when they asked Baxter to help them in securing funding for an expedition to search for the great snowball. They explain to him that upon finding it they will happily let him have some of the great snowball to replace his melting lower torso.
They tell him that the great snowball is magically made from Folgers Instant Crystals, crystals only that only melt in coffee, and that since he’s a snowman and doesn’t drink—or swim—in coffee his lower half will probably be set for life.
That’s a good story.
But you’ll have to wait until tomorrow—or four more days—for the ALMOST thrilling finish to our tale.
Because, being a complete dunderhead, I accidentally pressed publish before finishing my post and need time to write part two of the tale.
Of course, as many of you know its National Novel Writing Month and you are given until the end of November to finish a 50,000 word novel.
And I’ve only written … lets see, one, two, three, four… five… five hundred or so words so far.
Wait a minute!
THAT’S IT, JUST FIVE HUNDRED OR SO WORDS?
Maybe I’d better stick to writing part two of this post and just save the writing of a 50,000 word novel for November of next year.
Stay tuned for part two of our story…
A New Original Holliday Tale, Part Two—The Almost Thrilling Final.