EEK! We’re Surrounded

universeWe are being buzzed by UFO’s everyday. Why? First let me explain something.

If you swipe an xk823z  Model G Saucer Deluxe, capable of doing 15 yarflaps per hour from Graks, you’d best skedaddle faster than Bipnobs scooting past Tarmipplers.  So Qwauk and Zlonk did just that.

Qwauk and Zlonk have been committing larceny throughout the universe for centuries. Qwauk and Zlonk — long before Han, Luke, and Leia ever faced off with Darth Vador, who as it so happens decided to take out his anger on poor Emperor Palpatine by throwing him down the reactor shaft of the Death Star — have been in the habit of taking anything not nailed down since before the eclipse of the moon Pipnar.

Of course you all know that none of what was just said in that second paragraph ever really happened, except in the movies. On the other hand, Qwauk and Zlonk … they’re real — especially to those of you reading this post.aliens x 2

But back to my original question; Why are we being buzzed by UFO’s practically everyday?

Well, Nathan in the Netherlands, you probably haven’t seen them at all, because you’re smoking that funny stuff all the time anyway. So we can dismiss your accounts.

And no, its not because of the large consumption of alcohol or use of drugs on this planet — although I suspect that could explain more than half the sightings.

And to you, Pepe from El Salvador, who claimed to be abducted by aliens in order to avoid paying a gambling debt. Saying that you begged the aliens to cloud seed over your town to help end the drought there, just might have worked … had it not been for that flood that occurred — which wiped out all the crops. That was probably just bad luck though — at least for you.

But for the record — nobody in town (or anybody else for that matter) believes you now, especially your debtors. Nice try though Pepe.

Nope … the real reason for so many sightings is much simpler.

king alienQwauk and Zlonk  aroused the wrath of one Porter A. Blyth the 3rd. He (or it, if you’re insane enough to repeat … it) is the second cousin of Nith, who was the sister in-law of Dorthwick’s mother, once twice removed (by force) on her father’s side.

You may remember (before you read that last paragraph) that I did say Qwauk and Zlonk are known for taking anything not nailed down. And as you might have guessed — the xk823z Model G Saucer Deluxe, owned by the Graks — was not nailed down.

So naturally … they took it.

Well, every available Grak with a saucer cruiser capable of multiple yarflaps (average maximum speed per cruiser … 11 yarflaps per hour) lit out (on orders from the king) after them. But, how were Qwauk and Zlonk to know stealing a xk823z Model G Saucer Deluxe would stir up so much trouble — especially since they didn’t know that it was built specifically for the KIng of Graknopolis?

Anyway, now the Warlord King of Graktoplis (Porter A. Blyth, what a coincidence) is by chance …  one ill-tempered goonth — probably because of his name.

And he is packing one carnivorous pet called a Zookwacker, who can devour a whole herd of muddinglers in one snort!

I don’t think I have to tell how bad that can be for anyone hiding those two?

Coincidentally, Qwauk and Zlonk have left a trail a fittonat-wide, while fleeing through the universe at yarflap speed, in fact just missing the Hubble telescope, and leading every saucer through the Rebillgowatt quadrant and right to our little planet. They are all in our orbit at this very minute.

we're surroundedBasically, we’re surrounded!

But don’t panic. You wanted to know why you were seeing so many UFO’s floating around, right? Well there’s your answer. The saucers want to bring Qwauk and Zlonk back to Grak to face injustice.

Its not illegal to steal there.

If any of you happen to see these two renegades, please notify the Graks. You can do this by Emailing a message to …


You might get a big piece of chocolate pie if you do … just before all of us get gobbled up by a pet Zookwacker named … Burp!

 zookmeister sucker