A Letter Addressed To Me At Age 100


Well hello there brand new centurion. So you finally made it to one hundred, did you? Personally (just between you and me) I can’t believe you made it past the age of ten. But, here you are.

The fact that you can read this with your own eyes (you are reading this with your own eyes, aren’t you?) is a good sign that some of your body parts are still working.

Remember, when you first started this project back in Kindergarten? You said that someday you were going to be rich and famous! Even then you were always going for the big belly laugh.

Oh sure as the years went by you may have flirted with the rich and famous, but fame always seemed to elude you—not to mention all the money and influence that goes with it.

That didn’t stop you though.

There was that time at age ten, when you tried to tell everyone you’d discovered Big Foot, living right next door. But, how were you to know that your next door neighbor would take offense to you calling him Big Foot… simply because he had size ten sneakers. bully

Live and learn though, right? At least the beatings only lasted through high school. Okay, so the broken bones were another matter.

But again, here you are at one-hundred; you always were a forward thinking kind of guy. And now its time to reap the benefits of a long life. That’s why you wrote to youself in advance, just in case you got Paulziemers and couldn’t remember your plan B—for getting rich and famous.

So, here are the plan B instructions just as you recorded them…

Keep track of, and record in writing, the names of all the famous figures, celebrities, and rich moguls of your time. Take special note of any peculiarities they might have, especially the more obscure traits that the public may not be familiar with, as these could produce financial rewards to me later in life.

Gather any fact, places they’ve been, where they’ve lived, and relatives still living (just in case), so that when the time comes to implement plan B, you can protect yourself, while still capitalizing on their past fame.

Then, as each one of these noted individuals passes away, you’ll have a detailed dossier to refer to in case your memory fails you.

Now, implement plan B—for you own fame and wealth!

Claim to anyone who will listen (especially the tabloids, gossip magazines, and shows like Inside Edition, and ET—they love that stuff) that you knew so and so way back when.

For instance (using the famous that are already gone as an example); try these on for size, “I was George Washington’s personal dentist” Who would know? And, “Abe Lincoln came to me for clever quips” You certainly would have been the go to guy with future presidential hopefuls.  george

How about this one, “I taught Albert Einstein everything he knows” as he is now gone, academic scholars would have paid to pick your brain. And my favorite, “Cleopatra and I… were secret lovers.” Why the rags of their day would be at your feet… maybe even make you Emperor of Rome!

liarArmed to the teeth with this kind of hidden knowledge, and with you now being linked to the past by your extreme old age, this information, if used discretely long after the rich and famous are gone, could make you a celebrity.

And those left alive (who are the same age) and who would threaten to call you a liar, would probably have dementia, or would just be happy that someone from their day remembers anything at all!

You’ll become world famous. Women will love you… asking you things like, “You and George Clooney hung out together… what was he like?” And the men will ask, “And what was that BIG SECRET—you gave to Steve Jobs?” clooney

Just think, you old geezer; now that your one hundred, you’ll be able to regale people with your fabricated stories… uncontested—so go forth (in your wheelchair), and make your fortune!