Apr 1 2018

Of Fools, Eggs, And Big Bunnies

To folks just waking up expecting it to be Easter Sunday, and to the rest of you waking up, but who perhaps passed away some time ago—now that’s, GULP, a scary thought—boy are you all in for a surprise today.

It’s APRIL FOOLS DAY!

Gotcha! Unless, of course, you happen to be one of the zombies I just mentioned. In which case, the shoe may soon be on the other foot—my foot.

Cadavers, what merry pranksters they are. Seems there’s nothing they won’t do for a laugh.

Including, threatening to track down a ridiculous blogger for thoughtlessly playing an April Fools joke on them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…(nervous laughter)

Ahem, but, changing the subject completely.

I’m willing to bet you’re a lot like me (NO REALLY) no doubt feelling that the best April Fools jokes are those we never see coming.

Like me doing this, my first QUALITY post in over four months—or any month for that matter, and on Easter Sunday no less.

But not just any Easter Sunday, but an April Fools Easter Sunday.

No fooling.

And what if I were to tell you that there’s this big white fluffy bunny that loves to go around hiding COLORFUL EGGS for kids to find on Easter Sunday—even for we big kids? Would you believe me?

April Fools!

No, really, there really is a big bunny who does that sort of thing!

And I’m not talking about your average garden variety cottontail either, but a real honest to goodness giant, mythical, furry floppy eared, Easter Bunny.

You know…A REAL POOKA.

WiffleGif

Now sometimes this bunny leaves a little surprise hiding inside the eggs. Usually it’s a little something called—real plastic grass.

But, most of the time you’ll find a piece of chocolate in there, or a small toy. And on some occasions, even a hard-boiled egg—which may have sat in the sun a little too long.

I was sick for a week after eating that one.

Ewww!

I know, I know, but if we’re going to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth—even if it means stretching the truth—then we musn’t hold back from telling a whole untruth, right?

Which leads me to this next bit.

Did you know that the Easter Bunny has been known to leave an egg stuffed with money? Its true.

At first, he’d start you out with just a few coins here and there. However, eventually he worked his way up to leaving me wadded up dollar bills.

Then, one year, I found an egg during an Easter egg hunt that had a couple million dollars stuffed inside!

I screamed “Hey ma, look what the Easter Bunny left me!”

Naturally, I was arrested on the spot and taken into custody for lying—by my mom! Shortly, thereafter, my mom (and the 2 million dollars) skipped town.

Years later, after the Easter Bunny her tracked down, she was arrested for embezzelment of holiday funds. She’s currently serving a life sentence in the state pen—one where they have you go in and feed and clean up after the rabbits.

Of course, not every Easter egg hunt has the same sort of happy ending.

For instance, this year I woke up to a jewel encrusted Faberge egg—the cost of which, may set the Easter Bunny back for years. But, if he thinks I’m going to return it…

Giphy

APRIL FOOLS!

Happy Easter everyone.

Mar 27 2016

Help Wanted: Hare, Ham And Egg’s Oh My!

funny-pics-fun.com

Hey, it’s almost April folks. Do you know what that means? It means that people the world over start thinking about things like spring, baseball, planting tulips, and Passover. But not me. No sir. Instead, I start having visions, visions of Easter, and boy do I have a few thoughts on that subject.

Good thing too, otherwise this post would be a bust.

http://www.wackyy.com

Take for instance, Jesus Christ Superstar. The one who refused a standard movie studio contract, shunned publicity, and then went rogue. And to think that that’s “The Greatest Story Ever Told” and this blog can’t touch it. And you wanna know why?

Then there’s those Easter eggs. No, not those Easter Eggs silly—more about those in a moment. I’m talking about those other Easter eggs, you know the ones… the Faberge Imperial Easter Eggs. The jewel encrusted ones made for the emperor and empress of Russia, way back when. Yeah, those Eggs.

news.artnet,com

For some stupid reason I never got one of those at Easter time. What a gyp that was!

And that brings me back to those other Easter Eggs, the ones I mentioned earlier. Did you know that when I was a kid, the (slightly) above average kids would always get Easter Baskets filled with multi-colored plastic eggs in them?

Well now you know.

Anyway, they never failed to be filled with candy and toys. A U.S. version of AA grade Easter eggs perhaps?

Then there was the average kids. Those kids whose parents took time to dye shells of real eggs in different colors. Then these parents would go hide them for their kids to go find? I suppose they were the Easter version of U.S. Grade A eggs. Then there was me. All I ever found were the egg shells!

I’m almost certain they were low grade eggs.

Still, I love to think back to Easter and the ham. No, not Jim Carrey (the ham), hamming it up in “Batman Forever” as the Riddler. I’m talking about those Honeybaked ham’s that your mom used to bake on Easter Sunday, the smell of which was as delicious as the taste itself.

whatculture.com

And naturally, no Easter post would be complete without mentioning the big guy himself.

But enough about Me.

Let’s talk about the Easter Bunny, shall we? That famed pooka of lore.

One day every year, he travels around the globe hiding colorful looking Easter eggs for all good little girls and boys to find. Adults? Forget about it. Anyway, most of the time they find lots of candy inside, and occasionally they come across one with a toy.

But, every once in awhile they might find one filled with money. Yeah, guess the yoke’s on them.

I’ve often wondered how one would go about getting a job like that—particularly if one were a rabbit? What might one earn? Does one need references? Where would one get those references—especially a rabbit? And could I be one—a rabbit I mean? I like carrots, eat lots of lettuce (my mom and dad made me), and my wife say’s I have big ears.

http://www.dreastime.com

Now I ask you; what other qualifications does one need to be the Easter Bunny? So yes, I’m going to answer that help wanted ad when the position opens up. In the meantime…

Have a Happy Easter everyone!

Apr 5 2015

Oh Ye Of Little Film Faith

Oh ye of little faith, Easter Sunday is your lucky day.

You say you don’t wish to lose the little four percent of faith you have left. You wonder why people claim only one true god, but you see so many religions—and one goofy bunny. You ask; why one true faith yet so many colorful eggs—I mean religions.

You get confused by all the names like; Buddha, Muhammad, Jehovah, Joseph Smith, Billy Graham, and the Me Myself and I trinity. On this the holiest of days; Opening Day (of Baseball), I mean Easter (or is it Passover?) you want something to put your faith in… other than money—boy you are mixed up! So where should you turn?

Become a Born Again Movie Christian!

On this Easter Sunday, as they have for decades before, many followers of like faith have put their trust in the annual showings of the many biblical stories shown on television.

Ever since the dawn of Cecile B. De Mille, the biblical epic has led many to the promised land known as the box office—this took the place of passing the plate.

Before long, cinema Christians were gathering to hear (well not at first, the first biblical epics were silent) the sermons presented by De Mille and similar brethren.

At first the pilgrimages to ones local theater brought only black and white enlightenment like, “The Sign of the Cross” an old testament to biblical cinema. But eventually the word was given, and big splashy color visions revealed “The Greatest Story Ever Told” of the Christ and his followers.

“The Bible” offers guidance about small groups standing a better chance in a flood, especially if they have lots of animals with Noah how to build an Ark (very proud of that play on words :O).

Still there is CinemaScope chapter 1:1 offering forgiveness from “The Robe” a touching story where we also learn Caligula was a very bad, bad man. And CinemaScope 1:2 continuing the saga with “Demetrius and the Gladiators” all about how to make a very bad, bad, and weak sequel.

With the good book there have always been suggestions of spurious works. Perhaps “Ben Hur” qualifies with either chapter 1923, 1959, or even the upcoming 2016 chapter, the new MGM, Paramount version—as opposed to the King James version, which never happened.

I’ve always had my ears (and eyes) tickled by chapter 1959, where we all learn crashes at races were drawing big crowds long before auto racing.

Learn all about devotion (albeit fraught with more danger than the usual couple might face) from “The Story of Ruth” chapter 1960. Chapter 1949 tells us about “Samson and Delilah” and why haircuts could sometimes be bad.

“King of Kings” chapter 1961 gives plenty of reasons why not to stand out from the crowd. And then there is “Barabbas” chapter 1961 demonstrating the dangers of just hanging around.

But for the shear pleasure of hearing how people talked in a silly manner back then (many of them famous movie stars—who knew?), there is nothing like watching the annual Easter time showing of the classic, ultra-extravagant “The Ten Commandments” chapter 1956.