All That Glitters

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Ever since the dawn of man our pursuit for items of value has driven us to acquire and stockpile commodities, currencies, precious metals, and collectibles of every kind.

Assets, that’s the name of the game folks.

Acquiring as many valuables as we can possibly lay our hands on, that’s what its all about. Obtaining anything of value like goods, property, or any kind of treasure.

If there’s something we can stake the cash equivalent to—count us in. If old man Midas wants it—we want it too. Capital? You bet!

I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking; Paul, hasn’t the time where cavemen could afford such treasures long since gone the way of the Dodo—or to the top one percent in the 2018 tax cut?

Perhaps.

Wait a tic. Any of you happen to know where I could lay my hands on an extinct Dodo? Talk about a golden goose!

No? well … it was worth a try.

Where was I?

Dodo.com

Oh yeah. “THEY” have been known to claim, “All that glitters is not gold.”

But, what do “THEY” truly know anyway?

Other than being experts on unsolicited opinions by taxi drivers or old wives tales—probably nothing.

Especially when it comes to a subject as vast as “All that glitters.”

I, on the other hand, know all there is to know about “All that glitters” and… the coming Dot.Glitter bubble.

And that just might make me about as valuable to you—as any other Dodo!

It’s true, there will soon be a thing called the Dot.Glitter bubble, and I’m the guy who can get you in on the ground floor of this next big economic boom—because I misplaced my keys to their upstairs office.

No problem, though, ’cause I know the upstairs night watchman, Marty. So there should be no problem when it comes to moving up the ladder—or into the executive washroom.

Just hope Martys awake when we get there ’cause he’s 93 years old—but he still has a spring in his step.

How do I know that, you ask?

Well the last visitor to go upstairs was vaulted through the ceiling after he stepped on a spring in that step—step-ladder that is.

My head still hurts. You know, it’s amazing I didn’t get brain-damage?

Anyway, watch your step when climbing that ladder—and lets hope he remembers which step the spring was on.

Of course, that’s not what this post is really about. This post is about how to get your hands on all that bling…

Pinterest

Glitter, if you will.

I can understand your being a little skeptical and all. I was too at first. But, then came my brain scan, and everything became clear as day—a foggy day.

It was on that foggy day, while attending class at William McKinley grade school, that Ms. Louisa May Thornapple (my Kindergarten teacher) announced to our class that we were all going to be making Valentine Cards for mommy and daddy.

The other kids began meticulously cutting out paper and using glue on their crayon drawn cards, while I got busy emptying colorful glitter all over my two cards.

Needless to say, this left absolutely nothing for any of my classmates.

Ms. Thornapple took one look at my two cards—and the empty glitter containers—and pulled me up out of my chair and exclaimed to the whole class…

“Children, this stuff is way too valuable to waste like that!”

I knew she had to be talking about the glitter, because there was still plenty of Elmer’s Glue-All left in the one gallon jug up on the shelf—and the half empty jug on my desk.

I mean, what else could she have possibly been screaming about, right?

It was then—while I was being dragged down the hallway by my left earlobe to the principal’s office—that I realized I held the key to the next big boom in the stock market.

GLITTER!

I figure the jokes on Ms. Thornapple, because while she was going to spend the next several decades teaching 5 year olds, I was going to be making a fortune in the (soon to be booming) Glitter market.

I decided to start out small at first by buying up every single ounce of glitter I could lay my hands on from my fellow classmates—sometimes for as little as pennies on the dollar.

Eventually, though, I suspect the little tykes got wise to my short-changing them, and they began nickleing and diming me to death!

Naturally, I caved in to their asking price, because I knew one day I’d be able to command as much as $100 (or more) for an ounce of the valuable stuff.

Pinterest

Over the years I’ve spent thousands of dollars for glitter—all while maxing out my high-interest credit cards.

All, that I might corner the glitter market.

I even went back and bought up all of Ms. Thornapple’s supply of the stuff.

She claimed it was all gimcrackery anyway.

What an ill-informed edumacated person.

Today, I’m prepared to pass on to you (my loyal readers) inside-trader information about the soon to be, Dot.Glitter Boom.

I’m offering you as many one ounce bottles of glitter (in any color) as you can possibly buy from me right now, and all at the rock-bottom price of only…

$50 a ounce!

That’s right, only $50 an ounce guarantees you a chance to get in on the new Dot.Glitter bubble,

Then, you can turn around and ask $100—or more—from all the other suckers—uh … customers.

Then we all get rich together!

It’s okay, there’s no need to thank me—I’m used to being a visionary.

So … how many ounces can I put you down for?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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18 comments on “All That Glitters

  1. I’m all a’glitter & aglow by this possibility, but alas am without the funds to fund your sparkly dot.com. But don’t let me stop you. I wish you the best with your shiny new idea.

    • Soon to be a full-time gig, George. In fact, I’m so into bling you’d think I was Liberace! But, George, you forgot to tell me how many ounces of glitter you want me to put you down for? Very important you know. 😀

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