All That Glitters

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Ever since the dawn of man our pursuit for items of value has driven us to acquire and stockpile commodities, currencies, precious metals, and collectibles of every kind.

Assets, that’s the name of the game folks.

Acquiring as many valuables as we can possibly lay our hands on, that’s what it’s all about. Obtaining anything of value like goods, property, all kinds of treasure.

If there’s something we can stake the cash equivalent to—count us in. If old man Midas wants it—we want it too. Capital? You bet!

I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking; Paul, hasn’t the time of cavemen who could afford such treasures long since gone the way of the Dodo—or to the top one percent in the 2018 tax cut?

Perhaps.

Wait a tic — while we’re on the subject — I don’t suppose any of you happen to know where I could lay my hands on an extinct Dodo, do you? Talk about a golden goose!

Oh well … it was worth a try.

Now, where was I?

Dodo.com

Oh yeah, THEY. Now THEY have been known to make the claim “All that glitters is not gold.”

But then, what do “THEY” know anyway?

Other than being experts on unsolicited opinions by taxi drivers or old wives tales—probably nothing.

Especially when it comes to a subject as vast as “All that glitters.”

I, on the other hand, know all there is to know about “All that glitters” and the coming Dot.Glitter bubble.

And that just about might makes me about as valuable to you—as the Dodo!

It’s true, there will soon be a thing called the Dot.Glitter bubble, and I’m the guy who can get you in on the ground floor of this next big economic boom—because I misplaced my keys to their upstairs office.

No problem, though, ’cause I know the upstairs night watchman, Marty. That means there should be no problem at all when it comes to moving up the ladder—and into the executive washroom.

I just hope Marty’s awake when we get there ’cause he’s 93 years old—but he still has a spring in his step.

How do I know that, you ask?

Well the last visitor to go up those stairs was vaulted through the ceiling after he stepped up on a spring in that step—step-ladder that is.

My head still hurts. You know, it’s amazing I didn’t get brain-damage!

Anyway, watch your step when climbing the ladder—I only hope he remembers which step has the spring on it.

Of course, that’s not what this post is really all about. This post is about how you can get your hands on all that bling…

Pinterest

Uh…Glitter.

I can understand your being a little skeptical and all. I was too at first. Then came my brain scan and everything became clear as day.

Alright, it was a foggy day while I was attending class at William McKinley grade school. That was when Ms. Louisa May Thornapple (my Kindergarten teacher) announced to our class that we were all going to be making Valentine Cards for mom and the old man.

While the other kids were meticulously cutting out paper and using glue on their crayon drawn cards, I was busy emptying colorful glitter all over my cards.

This left nothing for my classmates.

Ms. Thornapple took one look at my two cards—and the empty glitter containers—and pulled me up out of my chair and exclaimed to the whole class…

“Children, this stuff is way too valuable to waste like that!”

I knew then…GLITTER IS VALUABLE!

It was then I realized—while being dragged down the hallway by my left earlobe to the principal’s office—I was going to make a fortune in glitter.

I figure the jokes on Ms. Thornapple. Shes going to spend the next several decades teaching 5 year olds, while I’m making money hand over fist in the (soon to be booming) Glitter market.

I started out small at first, buying up every single ounce of glitter I could lay my hands on from my fellow classmates—sometimes for as little as pennies on the dollar.

Eventually, though, the little tykes got wise to my short-changing them, and they began to nickle and dime me to death!

I caved into their asking price, but only because I knew one day I’d be able to command as much as $100 (or more) for a single ounce of the valuable stuff.

Pinterest

Over the years I’ve spent thousands of dollars on glitter—all while maxing out my high-interest credit cards.

But, with the purpose of cornering the glitter market.

I even went back and bought up all of Ms. Thornapple’s supply of the stuff. She claimed it was all gimcrackery anyway.

What an ill-informed edumacated person.

Today, though, I’m prepared to pass on to you (my loyal readers) my inside-trader information on this soon to be Dot.Glitter Boom.

And I’m prepared to offer to you all the glitter you could possibly want (and in any color) all at the rock-bottom price of…

$50 a ounce!

That’s right, only $50 an ounce guarantees you the chance to get in on the new Dot.Glitter bubble,

Then, you too can turn around and ask $100—or more—from all the other suckers—uh … customers.

We’ll all get rich together!

It’s okay, there’s no need to thank me—I’m used to being a visionary.

So … how many ounces can I put you down for?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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18 comments on “All That Glitters

  1. I’m all a’glitter & aglow by this possibility, but alas am without the funds to fund your sparkly dot.com. But don’t let me stop you. I wish you the best with your shiny new idea.

    • Soon to be a full-time gig, George. In fact, I’m so into bling you’d think I was Liberace! But, George, you forgot to tell me how many ounces of glitter you want me to put you down for? Very important you know. 😀

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