Whatever Happened To…

Whatever happened to what’s-his-name? One minute he was there, and the next … POOF! He was gone.

Have you ever left your blog for a time and wondered if anyone was curious about what had happened to you?

We all step away from our blogs from time-to-time with the knowledge that when we return, our blogs will still be there, patiently waiting for us. But, what about our readers, will they?

For instance: Did my readers miss me?

After all, I’d been missing for nine months. In that time, did anyone wonder if I’d abandoned my blog in favor of working on a new one? Not that I’m sugessting that “Blogger” offered me a fortune to come write for them—but.

Or, were they thinking I left because I had to give someone the slip—maybe the IRS perhaps? May have to wait until April 15th—give or take a day or two—to know for sure.

Then again, maybe my readers were wondering if I was getting paid to write—under an nom de plume—for some legitimate (or even illegitimate) rag? If only I could say, handsomely.

Perhaps they were thinking I’d been abducted by aliens in a UFO for the purpose of being experimented on. Only to be proclaimed their supreme leader!

I declined, by the way.

Of course, there’s always the chance I was ordered to stay off of social media by some well known platform because my writing was nothing short of pure genius, and they were so jealous that they simply couldn’t stand it anymore?

Not that that’s exactly what happened.

There’s another possibility: The possibility that I took up residence at the local cemetery. Hopefully as a caretaker.

giphy.com

So after nine months away from my blog, I became curious about what questions my readers—who were still trapped here—were asking in regards to my whereabouts?

That’s when I broke into a new WordPress statistical page.

So top secret—not even WordPress knows about it yet!

And guess what I discovered?

I discovered that only 30% of you (what a relief) didn’t care where I went. And that another 62% of you had never even heard of me—or my blog.

Which left, the more morbid of you (around 8%), to wonder how I died.

That kind of speculation ran from the basic …”How DID he die?” to, “Was it a gruesome death?

Did they mean—as opposed to a more pleasant one?”

One guy, who lives in Columbia, even went so far as to claim I was thrown into an volcano as a human-sacrifice by jungle tribesmen—who were all on the WordPress payroll.

Another fellow believed I swallowed a whole cow and that that was how I’d met my demise.

It was a fishstick, Jose, not a whole cow—sorry to disappoint you.

A few of you, though, felt my absence was due to nothing more than having been worked to death by my employers, who wouldn’t hear of it—even if it were true.

And finally, there was Eddie (from Wikileaks) who suspected my WordPress account had been hacked—BY WORDPRESS.

6e1fdc84a89f5da1ff66cd57cfac1108Sure, it would have been easier to admit that I was abducted by aliens—who then tried to fry my brain.

But, that would have required my having to clear up why I was unable to gain access to their onboard computers—all antiquated Texas Instruments TI-99/4’s with dial up—and posting on my blog.

An adventure for another post—one I’m far too lazy to attempt right now.

In any event, Texas Instruments TI-99/4’s are hardly suitible for sending posts across the galaxy.

Which is why I decided against telling you about my abduction by aliens from Gravitar 4. A small, but significant rock located on the outskirts of our solar system—bent on our destruction.

There’s also the chance such a ridiculous story—no matter how true—would not have excused my prolonged absence.

Unless, you all felt I could get away it?

All the same, I haven’t told any whoppers since October of 72. That’s when I told the Air Force about Billy Preston—my arch enemy from the 5th grade—who stole one of their top secret plans—while we were on a field trip to Area 51.

Nothing more than a prank on my part. But, I never had to deal with Billy again!

In fact, I haven’t seen Billy since—nor has anyone else come to think of it. Wonder what he’s up to these days?

The important thing is I’m back and blogging again. And that’s all that really matters.

Right?

 

 

 

 

 

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20 comments on “Whatever Happened To…

  1. Do you mean you weren’t being held aboard a UFO? I’m so disappointed! I thought I saw a UFO with a giant red nose painted on its side. Are you sure that wasn’t your doing?

    • I’m sorry, Jan, but the aliens have sworn me to secrecy. Seems ever since Richard Dreyfuss got to go inside the mother ship in Close Encounters of the Third Kind the aliens have had to clamp down on us abductees talking. Apparently, Richard blabbed all over Hollywood about how the interior of their saucer looked like an oil refinery at night—making it much harder for saucer dealers to get a sale. Now, every alien customer comes away feeling a new saucer comes with an interior that smells like oil instead of that new saucer smell. Hmm, UFO’s with red noses on the side, huh? That must be their new 2019 models—I’m honored! 😀

    • You wouldn’t be far wrong there, Mistermuse. And it still isn’t de-cluttered. I fear my wife might have the attic submitted to the series “Hoarders” for consideration if I don’t at least manage to clear a path to the door of “The Attic” during the next nine months. 😀

  2. Wonder no more, Peg. Even my wife thought I got lost up there. Uh, up in my attic, not in the alien’s saucer. But, then, the attics always cluttered, their saucer isn’t. Probably why they brought me back—afraid of what I might have done to their saucer. 😀

  3. I used to go visit sites where the author disappeared, until one day I received the nastiest letter from one guy in my PRIVATE email, reading me the riot act about getting into his business.
    So I was happy to welcome you back in your last post – but I’ll never go looking for anyone again! Another simple case of “no good deed goes unpunished!”

    • GP, I find that hard to imagine. First of all, in all the time that you and I have visited one another’s blogs, I’ve never had a problem with you or “Pacific Paratrooper” which is not only one of the bright spots on WordPress, but also one of the most cordial blogs to go visit. Your comments on my blog have always been encouraging—your last weeks visit being a prime example, and you’ve never tried to pry into my business, which explains why I find it hard to believe someone would accuse you of doing such a thing to them. Just a tic, GP I have to do this while I’m up on my bandwagon here. Folks, do yourselves a favor. If you’ve never visited GP’s blog, you should. When you read any one of GP’s blog posts you always come away with so much respect for our men and women in the Armed Forces, not to mention you also get an education as well—and you’ll be treated respectfully. Back to what I started to say and that was that … never have my comments on your blog ever been met with anything but politeness, so that’s why I can’t understand how someone would go do that to you? Still, I want you to know how much I appreciate you and everyone else who visits my attic—except the aliens. 😀

      • Wow, never did I expect such a reply, but thank you very much. That guy’s email certainly took me back a bit. I even had my better half read it to see if I was being overly sensitive. Thank you for feeling that way about Me and Pacific Paratrooper!
        But hey – what’s the problem with your aliens? How can I win them over? 🙂

  4. I was one of the people who originally thought you were abducted by aliens who tried to fry your brain but then I realized it was already fried so I had to discount that possibility.
    Billy Preston was a consideration but he did ok for himself, you know with the whole singing career but he’s been on the other side of the grass since 2006 so that story wouldn’t float.
    But you’re back….and you’re right, that’s the only thing that really matters…to the 8%, anyway.

    • Thank you, George. I must admit that when Went back and re-read my post, saw an awful lot of errors. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t write for nine months. Although, it could have been from being grilled so much—all that lingering smoke. Billy made a good name for himself though. And to think—all it took was a little run-in with the Air Force to make him so successful. Helps explain his song “Outa-Space” too. 😀

    • Disorganized writer? Why Ally, that’s no problem at all. In fact, it’s just possible I’m one of the charter members of the Disorganized Writers Union of America! Now all I have to do is find my card. Now, where did I leave that thing? 😀

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