BEWARE: Of Having Adoring Eyes

Laughing GIF

Are you the proud owner of a wife, husband, or significant other? Well I am—although, my significant other just reminded me that I don’t own her.

“Well you don’t! No one owns anybody.”

I know that! Can I finish writing this post now, dear?

‘I don’t know… can you?”

Well, if you wouldn’t interrupt me.

“Go ahead, write, don’t let me stop you.”

Thank you. I was just trying to say that I adore my significant other—that would be you, dear. Just as I am sure my readers adore their own (ON LOAN) significant others. And I wanted to write to confess that on occasions I get caught ogiling you.

“Like the other night at the party, when my back was turned and you were undressing me with your eyes?”

OKAY, OKAY, SO I’M GUILTY! WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT? NOW, CAN I FINISH MY POST?

“You’re typing aren’t you?”

Yes. AFTER ALL, IT IS MY BLOG NOT YOURS. Don’t you hate it when your wife wants to edit your posts? Anyway, so where was I? Oh, yeah, yeah the ogiling part. So there I was, staring at her legs, when all of a sudden, she turns around and…

“And you got caught looking like a dear between the headlights!”

CAN I PLEASE FINISH?

“Go ahead, far be it from me to interrupt you.”

So then she say’s to me “What… what is it? Do I have a tear in my stockings?”

And I responded with something like “Uh… uh… I don’t know… I guess I just can’t stop staring at you. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!”

“Well stop staring at me!” she said, but in a LOUD whisper “You’re making me feel like a piece of meat.”

BOING!

The SuperHeroHype

Suddenly, there I was, feeling as if I’d just been reduced into this blithering idiot. Naturally, I started babbling in tongues.

“Incoherently, I might add.”

AHEM.. But if you remember, dear,  I did say that I didn’t actually SEE you as a piece of meat… but one with brains too!

“That’s it, that’s it, that’s what you said!”

What? What did I say?

“That I had brains too!”

Well you do, don’t you?

“Yeah, but it’s how you said it!”

Anyway, in a millisecond she goes from this demure beauty into this incredulous looking beauty, cocking her head to one side, dawning a quizzical look, mouth agape, and responding with…

“Huh?”

That’s when this six foot hole magically opened up underneath me (and I can’t be sure yet, but I think I was SHOVED into it too), AND WITHOUT LILLIES TO COMPLETE MY ENSEMBLE!

“Well you deserved it.”

I DID NOT!

“YOU DID TOO. Looking at me from behind… with goo-goo eyes no less.”

Well, I don’t think I was deserving of being ditched, as it were—I mean what man does? All I was trying to do was be your would be Lothario, when suddenly, I was turned into this corpse!

“MEN… you’re all alike. Filthy lustful beasts.”

Not true. When we first met… I WAS ATTRACTED TO YOUR MIND!”

“Was it walking around in stockings and a pair of heels too?”

OKAY, OKAY! Gee, you act like we men are transparent or something. Oh I admit I was initially attracted to your “PHYSICAL BEAUTY” but I also fell in love with the way you think too—except for maybe right now. You have to admit, though, that unlike most young male troglodytes of today, I’ve also evolved into…

“AN OLDER MALE TROGLODYTE?”

No… I was going to say, HUSBAND!

“I know.”

Well then… can I finish my thought?

“Sure, go ahead.”

I was just wanting to say that I’ve never lost my fascination with your MIND, or your effeminate nature… and I LOVE YOU! There… whad’ya think now of my post?

“STOP STARING AT ME FROM BEHIND!”

Oh for goodness sakes, I MEAN I’M TRYING!

“Yes, you certainly are.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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30 comments on “BEWARE: Of Having Adoring Eyes

  1. Haha… I wish I could be witnessing one of your conversations, Paul 😄But you know what? I am sure she likes it a lot that you still look at her in such an adoring way. What woman doesn’t like to get confirmed that she is attractive and that when it comes from the closest person… I can only say, the older I get the more I appreciate such “feedbacks”.
    Fantastic post, Paul!

  2. I hate it when people eavesdrop on my conversations at home and then pretend that it happened to them. Please come and remove the spy device from my kitchen and find your own stuff to write about. Your wife cannot be exactly like me. If she is though, and you aren’t listening with a device designed by M and planted by James, then please send her my condolences. She is a brave, brave woman to let you out so often.

  3. Married life is lots of fun, as the song goes. I have a significant other, but he’s too busy correcting other people to bother with me. I slide under his radar, saying what I like– unedited. But I feel your pain…

  4. You really tried to make the argument that you were attracted to her mind? And she called you out on it because it’s similar to when you tried to convince her you read playboy for intellectual articles. Women are too smart. You should have just fessed up at the beginning. You might have been luckier than you imagined..:)

    • You know, George, I think you’re you’re right. That’s gotta be where I went wrong—that, and I also went straight to the couch. Hey, wait a minute! You mean, PLAYBOY DOESN’T HAVE INTELLECTUAL ARTICLES? 😀

      • Well, let me see. Alright, I’ve got it! I recognize King Lear as the smartest king that ever lived. I also studied “Elvis for Dummies” day and night for ten years. Did you know that he was the king of Rock and Roll? And most people only know him for being an Oscar-winning performer. Oh… and I’m a Man of Letters! That’s right, why I have a whole closet full, some even with the words, postage due stamped right on the envelope! So as you can see, George, I’m the very epitome of a critical thinker. :O)

  5. I’ve learned to not give H anything I’ve written because he would edit it down to nothing like it was! He doesn’t even read my blog unless I read it to him which isn’t very often. How would I ever get away with venting about his stuff as much if he did? Learn to advert your eyes elsewhere Paul. Your wife must have a great sense of humor! ~Elle

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