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Are you a (delusional) proud owner of a wife or significant other? Well I was, but my significant other just made sure to remind me that I don’t own her.
“Well, you don’t own me! Nobody owns anyone.”
I know that, but can I finish writing this post now?
“I don’t know… can you?”
Without, uh, interruption?
“Far be it from me to stop you.”
Thank you, dear. As I was saying, I adore my significant other just as I am sure you, my readers, adore your significant other.
However, beware if you should ever get caught ogiling your significant other with adoring eyes.
“Like you did the other night at that party. Undressing me with your eyes, and in public. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Yes, dear, and I did apologize for my ogling you.
“You looked like a dear caught in the headlights.”
Guilty as charged. I still don’t know what I did that was so wrong? I mean, what’s wrong with a man sneaking a peek at his wife’s legs every so often?
“What’s wrong with it, what’s wrong with it? You had me concerned that I had a tear in my stockings!”
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stop staring. I was like a moth drawn to the flame. YOU WERE GORGEOUS!
“WERE? Whaddya mean, were?”
Huh? I mean uh…
“You mean to say you’re not sure?”
Well of course I’m sure.
“And now all you can do is stand there stammering?”
Well uh… uh… well… yeah.
“Just like that, and what did I say to you?”
You said… STOP STARING AT ME LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT, WE’RE IN PUBLIC, DUMMY!
The SuperHeroHype
“Exactly!”
But honey… you reduced me into some kind of blithering idiot!
“You did that to yourself.”
Well yeah, but I didn’t see you as a piece of meat… I saw you with brains too.
“That’s it! That’s what you said. You said that I had brains too!”
Well you do, don’t you?
“Of course, but now that makes me wonder if you do?”
Huh?
“Men. You’re so clueless at times.”
I am not clueless.
“See what I mean?”
What?
“Clueless.”
But dear, you made me feel like a complete fool. It was like the ground opened up underneath me and I couldn’t help but fall in. Now that I think about it, I’m not entirely sure I wasn’t shoved in?
“Well, you deserved it.”
I did not!
“DID TOO. Looking at me… with goo-goo eyes no less.”
I don’t think I deserved to be ditched, though—in a manner of speaking. All I was trying to do was be your Lothario for the evening, and it was like, you turned me into a corpse or something!
MEN… you are all alike. Filthy lustful beasts.
That’s not true, I’m attracted to your mind to!
“Was it walking around in stockings and wearing heels?”
Okay, I admit I might have been a little transparent the other night, and yes, I was initially attracted to your physical beauty. But, once I fell in love with you I ceased being like all those young male troglodytes and evolved into…
“AN OLD MALE TROGLODYTE?”
That’s not fair, which is why I wanted to write this post. To tell you, and everyone else, how much I love you. And, that I’ve never lost my fascination with your MIND. Whaddya think of my post now, huh?
“I think you need to stop staring at my backside in public.”
But honey, dumpling, sweetheart… I’M TRYING!
“I know.”
Know what?
“That you’re trying… TRYING MY PATIENCE!”
Oh for goodness sakes I give up. YOU WIN. Point, game, MATCH! I am so totally confused now.
Haha! My husband is always trying to correct my grammar – even though I have a degree in English and managed technical writers!
It’s sad isn’t it, Jan? I just don’t know what’s wrong with us men today? God may have lost our manual. Oh whoa is us! 😀
Haha… I wish I could be witnessing one of your conversations, Paul 😄But you know what? I am sure she likes it a lot that you still look at her in such an adoring way. What woman doesn’t like to get confirmed that she is attractive and that when it comes from the closest person… I can only say, the older I get the more I appreciate such “feedbacks”.
Fantastic post, Paul!
Exactly how I feel about it too, Erika. Of course, I’ve had to take to using a periscope and standing behind corners of late. That’s because, for some odd reason, I’ve suddenly developed a desire for self-preservation. 😀
😂😂 You are killing me, Paul 😂😂
That’s how I feel when my wife goes for the frying pan. Doesn’t seem to make a difference my screaming “I HAVE A PERISCOPE AND KNOW HOW TO USE IT!” ’cause she handles a frying pan like Bruce Lee handled Nun-chucks. It’s no contest! 😀
Haha… I would really love to meet your wife, Paul. She must be amazing to read between the lines.
She is quite brilliant. Very analytical mind, studies the smallest details in people. Then there’s me—no challenge at all. Surprised she hasn’t gotten bored with me. :O)
I am sure she never will, Paul. She must feel totally adored!!
I certainly hope so ’cause I realize I am one of the lucky ones. Thank you, Erika. ‘O)
This awareness honores you AND your wife, Paul!! 😉
That’s a great way for us—or anyone for that matter—to be admired. Thank you, Erika, for that compliment. ,O)
My pleasure, Paul!!
I think it’s sweet you find her attractive even if it’s slightly lustful (it is, isn’t it?).
I suppose it’s a little of both. I’m lustful and she’s sweet—and attractive. But I’ll keep working on averting my eyes. 😀
I hate it when people eavesdrop on my conversations at home and then pretend that it happened to them. Please come and remove the spy device from my kitchen and find your own stuff to write about. Your wife cannot be exactly like me. If she is though, and you aren’t listening with a device designed by M and planted by James, then please send her my condolences. She is a brave, brave woman to let you out so often.
Why Dorothy I would never do a thing like that. Darn that Q branch, they promised me faithfully that those devices were secure proof! And you’re quite right, she is a brave, brave woman. Dorothy, I am so very glad to hear from you!!! Hope you and the entire family are doing well. :O)
🙂
Married life is lots of fun, as the song goes. I have a significant other, but he’s too busy correcting other people to bother with me. I slide under his radar, saying what I like– unedited. But I feel your pain…
Thank you, Ally. Well, at least she now knows that I can’t take my eyes off of her. UNEDITED! Oh my goodness! 😀
Wait, there are significant others out there who don’t correct the other one? This is what seems to be implied by the comments.
OH IF ONLY! 😀
You really tried to make the argument that you were attracted to her mind? And she called you out on it because it’s similar to when you tried to convince her you read playboy for intellectual articles. Women are too smart. You should have just fessed up at the beginning. You might have been luckier than you imagined..:)
You know, George, I think you’re you’re right. That’s gotta be where I went wrong—that, and I also went straight to the couch. Hey, wait a minute! You mean, PLAYBOY DOESN’T HAVE INTELLECTUAL ARTICLES? 😀
Define intellectual😊
Well, let me see. Alright, I’ve got it! I recognize King Lear as the smartest king that ever lived. I also studied “Elvis for Dummies” day and night for ten years. Did you know that he was the king of Rock and Roll? And most people only know him for being an Oscar-winning performer. Oh… and I’m a Man of Letters! That’s right, why I have a whole closet full, some even with the words, postage due stamped right on the envelope! So as you can see, George, I’m the very epitome of a critical thinker. :O)
I’ve learned to not give H anything I’ve written because he would edit it down to nothing like it was! He doesn’t even read my blog unless I read it to him which isn’t very often. How would I ever get away with venting about his stuff as much if he did? Learn to advert your eyes elsewhere Paul. Your wife must have a great sense of humor! ~Elle
She seems to appreciate mine, thank goodness. And if I were you, I’d continue to keep H away from your posts. Bet you didn’t know that they’re excellent warnings as to what I should be keeping out of my wife’s way. You wouldn’t believe it, but she actually thinks that my collection of junk is nothing but junk! Is that incredible or what? 😀
H’s stuff is junk too! You can’t take it with you Paul but you can make someone’s life miserable leaving it for them to clean up!
OMG, I fear I may be purging my closet this weekend! 😀