Are you a (delusional) proud owner of a wife or significant other? Well I was, but my significant other just made sure to remind me that I don’t own her.
“Well, you don’t own me! Nobody owns anyone.”
I know that, but can I finish writing this post now?
“I don’t know… can you?”
Without, uh, interruption?
“Far be it from me to stop you.”
Thank you, dear. As I was saying, I adore my significant other just as I am sure you, my readers, adore your significant other.
However, beware if you should ever get caught ogiling your significant other with adoring eyes.
“Like you did the other night at that party. Undressing me with your eyes, and in public. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Yes, dear, and I did apologize for my ogling you.
“You looked like a dear caught in the headlights.”
Guilty as charged. I still don’t know what I did that was so wrong? I mean, what’s wrong with a man sneaking a peek at his wife’s legs every so often?
“What’s wrong with it, what’s wrong with it? You had me concerned that I had a tear in my stockings!”
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stop staring. I was like a moth drawn to the flame. YOU WERE GORGEOUS!
“WERE? Whaddya mean, were?”
Huh? I mean uh…
“You mean to say you’re not sure?”
Well of course I’m sure.
“And now all you can do is stand there stammering?”
Well uh… uh… well… yeah.
“Just like that, and what did I say to you?”
You said… STOP STARING AT ME LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT, WE’RE IN PUBLIC, DUMMY!
But honey… you reduced me into some kind of blithering idiot!
“You did that to yourself.”
Well yeah, but I didn’t see you as a piece of meat… I saw you with brains too.
“That’s it! That’s what you said. You said that I had brains too!”
Well you do, don’t you?
“Of course, but now that makes me wonder if you do?”
“Men. You’re so clueless at times.”
I am not clueless.
“See what I mean?”
But dear, you made me feel like a complete fool. It was like the ground opened up underneath me and I couldn’t help but fall in. Now that I think about it, I’m not entirely sure I wasn’t shoved in?
“Well, you deserved it.”
I did not!
“DID TOO. Looking at me… with goo-goo eyes no less.”
I don’t think I deserved to be ditched, though—in a manner of speaking. All I was trying to do was be your Lothario for the evening, and it was like, you turned me into a corpse or something!
MEN… you are all alike. Filthy lustful beasts.
That’s not true, I’m attracted to your mind to!
“Was it walking around in stockings and wearing heels?”
Okay, I admit I might have been a little transparent the other night, and yes, I was initially attracted to your physical beauty. But, once I fell in love with you I ceased being like all those young male troglodytes and evolved into…
“AN OLD MALE TROGLODYTE?”
That’s not fair, which is why I wanted to write this post. To tell you, and everyone else, how much I love you. And, that I’ve never lost my fascination with your MIND. Whaddya think of my post now, huh?
“I think you need to stop staring at my backside in public.”
But honey, dumpling, sweetheart… I’M TRYING!
“That you’re trying… TRYING MY PATIENCE!”
Oh for goodness sakes I give up. YOU WIN. Point, game, MATCH! I am so totally confused now.