You Are Now Reading The Most Renowned Blog In The World

Laughing Gif

One of the benefits of occasionally vanishing from the WordPress blogroll is that I am often able to return stealthy and totally unnoticed. Probably because nobody knew where the hell I went in the first place. Not that any of you would miss anything, mind you. however.

However, recently upon my latest return I was gobsmacked to find that during my absense my blog “In My Cluttered Attic” was named “Most Popular Blog In The World” and by none other than “In My Cluttered Attic”!

Not bad for a blog whose last post was back on July 31st.

Now having one’s blog revered and accepted in over 532 lands is quite gratifying—if only it were true. However, although, I do have a blog revered in more than 193 or so countries—which sounds even less awesome—UNFORTUNATELY, IT TOO IS A LIE.

That’s why I’m just going stick to my initial claim of being revered and accepted in 532 lands, instead of 531, because Kim Jong Un of North Korea can’t see eye-to-eye with me on account of his being too short.

Besides, his puny blog is the pits anyway. Just ask anyone who’s read it? If you can find anyone who’s read it.

Neverheless, it’s truly amazing the number of folks—more than 7 billion strong now not counting my Uncle Ethel (not his real name… it’s really Mildred)—who wake up every day and race to their computers to bring up “In My Cluttered Attic” just so they can read what’s going on up in my head.

And some days they might even catch me in my RIGHT mind!

Naturally, this kind of (deceitful) fame might go straight to most people’s heads, but not me. No, in my case this kind of artificial immortality is customarily met at the entrance to my mind with an untidy mess—masquerading as unfiltered clutter between the ears.

Such is the medley of chaos that fills my cranium on a regular basis, thus preventing additional narcissism (like the above-mentioned bogus honor) from ever having a chance to enter my head.

That’s why I wrote this post. I mean, who better to sing my bodacious blog’s praises?

Of course, not being one to blow my own trumpet—seeing as I can’t play a single note on a trumpet that is, but just let me go near a kazoo AND YOU MIGHT LOSE YOUR HEARING—I decided to spend the last three months searching the globe for people who might sing the praises of my blog for me.

However, how was I to know no one in this world could carry a tune?

And because of an irrational fear of flying (without the use of an airplane), and ticket prices being what they are—plus my not being under contract by Marvel to portray any kind of flying superhero—I wasalso  unable to make an around world trip.

That, and my wife ordered me not to set foot out of the house—with any of our credit cards.

So, armed with nothing but a wallet full of small bits of worthless paper, except for my official “Junior Birdman’s Astronaut Card” (sent to me from Battle Creek, Michigan back when I was five) I felt like I’d been permanently grounded.

Then something miraculous happened.

A flood of endorsements started arriving on my doorstep—and the mailman swore they better be emails from now on—or else this post about the worlds most popular blog “In My Cluttered Attic” might have gone kaput.

Why just look at some of the glowing testimonials that I’ve (ahem) received!

“Never have I read a greater pile of twaddle than what I regularly find posted in ‘In My Cluttered Attic’ and I’ve been dead for nearly Two-Hundred and Fifty years! Signed: Ben Franklin

Twaddle, that’s a good thing, right?

Then there’s this little gem.

PinsDaddy

“Children of the night, take a bite out of ‘In My Cluttered Attic’ and you’ll see the light.” Your Friend: Count Dracula

How bout that… a real live count!

Of course, ordinary folks have written to me too.

“Hi, Mr. Attic, its John Smith. Read you all the time. Anyway, I was just wondering if you’ve found time yet to write that request for an extension we talked about?

You know the one, it was in regards to that discussion we had concerning your failure to pay any taxes.” Yours: John Smith, IRS

Whoops, how in the world did that get in there? Excuse me will you? I think maybe I need to go focus on a little “Dear John” post.

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

21 comments on “You Are Now Reading The Most Renowned Blog In The World

    • Thank you, Steph, and there are probably a few more people wondering if I myself knew where I was! The break was good for me though, it gave me time to steal more material which in turn makes it a whole lot easier to be as generous with it. Of course, if none of the laughs I stole lands a punch, not only will I return my ill-gotten gains, I’ll probably be returned to my original status—that of being small potatoes. Good to hear from you, Steph, and i hope you and the family are well. :O)

    • I know. I mean, here’s a guy with a funny looking hairdo, trying to suppress his people’s voice and that of their news media, all the while claiming that his country and its military is all his. And if that were not enough, he also wants more nuclear weapons to boot. Thank god we don’t have anyone like that attempting to run Amerika! :O)

    • Thank you, Jay. It’s nice to feel I can bring something to the table (like your enjoyable movie reviews) that offer an escape for people from all the regular news. Even though my blog and its atrocious writing style might actually give bloggers a black eye, I feel it’s still a risk I’m willing to take. 😀

  1. Welcome back! And you’re probably in the best position to know your blog is the most renowned in the world. After all, you’re the one who wrote it, so who knows it better than you? Of course you know if it’s renowned or not.

    • Naturally, even though I haven’t finished all the research into my blog’s popularity. Well actually, to be honest with you, Sarah, I haven’t even begun the research yet. But, I’m almost certain it is the most renowned blog in the world because, otherwise, WordPress would have called me out on that claim. That, or they probably would have closed my attic by now. Hurray, I’m still in business! 😀

    • Thanks, Erika! Uh… wait a minute, you mean the IRS is still looking for me? Who would have thought that a little thing like me not paying my taxes for ten years would put me on the Internal Revenue Services’s top ten missing persons list? 😀

    • And you haven’t heard the worst of it yet, Kate. Seems, Aunt Fred, hasn’t figured it out yet! But then, Uncle Mildred always suspected that Aunt Fred might be none other than crazy grandma Bill on grandpa Jennifer’s cousin’s side who was twice removed but then replaced by half-brother Sally Edward. Who, as it turns out, was actually Edward Sally at birth but, who through some quirk of fate (not to mention a sex change operation gone wrong) became Arnold Jane just last year. As you can imagine, this has caused something of a headache for those in our family who follow our family tree with less than razor-like attention. But, we’ll eventually get over it. That is unless of course, one of them decides to get pregnant after menopause—then all bets are off and I’ll have to stop placing bets in Vegas on anything of questionable possibility concerning our family! Hell, I might then even go broke. 😀

    • It’s quite alright, Mitch. It probably came as quite a shock to WordPress as well. In fact, they’ve still yet to acknowledge my blog as actually being one of the blogs attached to their site. But that’s probably because it’s all just a bit overwhelming for them. I mean, how else do you explain they’re not offering me a multi-year contract to keep using their site—in light of my new-found popularity? I’m sure that it’s just a matter of time before they come to my door on hands and knees. 😀

  2. Hey, I’m kind of insulted here. I’m a world class twaddlist so don’t you go trying to disparage my vocation. We twaddlist get our feelings hurt very easily. Just saying…

  3. Well, looks who’s back in the saddle and I see you’ve been busy with a close personal friend. Maybe you’ll be breaking an “explosive” story soon??..:)

    • Somehow I just can’t picture “Little Rocket Man” tiptoeing through the tulips, and it sounds like he hasn’t changed a bit. His blog used to be something of a must with me with posts like, “How to Hang Out With Short Men in Uniform in Order to Look Important”, and the ever-unpopular “How to Make Yourself Look Like A Fathead With An Unpopular Haircut”. But then he went and got all hung-up on doing post after post on “How I Built A Nuclear Weapon In My Garage While Eating Takeout”. 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s