Ever since the news got out about an interview I recently did with the New York Times, many of you (one and a half people) repeatedly (never) asked if I might (not) share that interview with all of you. Being as I’ve been absent a lot of late, I completely understand.
However, I feared your (non-existent) request for me to post the interview was likely due to some kind of brain damage you may have suffered as a result of a blog reading incident—ironically a condition which afflicts many of my readers.
So, that’s why I’ve decided to post the interview, anyway.
Incidentally, I recently discovered that a significant number of you (a number that rhymes with the word hero) also wanted to know more about me. So all is forgiven (in advance) if you thought the interview would be an in-depth one—as I am way too shallow for that.
In any case, let me just say (and I’m probably going to lie here), the thought of posting this interview just to suck in more readers to pad my stats never once (but multiple times) crossed my mind. In fact, I only thought about it every waking minute of every single day.
I should also mention that I never once broke out in a cold sweat over the idea of posting the interview—unless you count the two or three dozen times I hyperventilated over WordPress possibly not posting the interview in their Discover section—I suppose they feel that section is reserved for their more sophisticated readers.
But as you know, a large number of their readers could actually care less about being found in the WordPress Discover section—I only wished that I was one of them, but let’s not get into a discussion about a particular kind of bitter fruit right now.
Likewise, not being one of those people who would ever stoop to using sensational headlines to draw attention to my blog (as far as you know), except for on those rare occasions (which is every chance I get), I’ve decided to honor your request (begging really) to post only a fragment of the interview.
I say a fragment because posting the whole interview would take up way too much space—and possibly would become required reading for future high school students.
Since my blog already alienates lovers of good writing anyway—and to spare future generations such an agony in school—that’s another reason why I decided to post only a small portion of my interview, thus sending readers racing to the Times to read the whole thing in its entirety.
Yeah, you’re welcome New York Times.
And seeing as I’ve been using the WordPress platform for years now—apparently without their knowledge—this should help the folks at WordPress as well… not to mention myself. Okay, so I mentioned myself.
SURPRISE WordPress—and you’re welcome too!
Now, no doubt, you’ve heard the New York Times famous slogan… “All the News That’s Fit to Print” and are probably wondering why such a reputable organization (except in the eyes of one, Donald Trump) would ever consider conducting an interview with someone who has never posted anything on his blog that was ever fit to print?
I can’t honestly answer that… unless I tell you the truth—so what can I say but that I must make for some great copy!
And for those of you who felt I was only an infamous infrequent blogger of nonsense, you’re absolutely right and without further ado, allow me to present the abbreviated version of my New York Times interview.
Me: I can’t tell you what a delight it is to be featured in your newspaper.
Reporter: Why not?
Me: What? Oh, I get it. Very funny.
Reporter: Thank you.
Me: But I have to ask you, though, how did you folks ever select me for an interview?
Reporter: Well our editor has been wanting to do a feature on blogging for our SundayStyles section for some time now, and seeing that you regard your blog as being a humor blog, he thought it would be fun to use you.
Me: Wow! I mean what did he do, toss a list of blog titles into a hat and reach in and pick out mine?
Reporter: How did you know?
Reporter: Just kidding.
Me: Oh thank goodness. For a minute there I thought you were serious.
Reporter: (Laughter) Nah, of course not. We’d never do anything like that.
Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Who pulls stuff out of a hat anymore, right?
Reporter: No, I meant that we at the Times would never do a SundayStyles feature with a blogger on blogging, especially with one where we pulled his name out of a hat.
Me: You mean…
Reporter: Yeah. You’ve been had fella, and so have the rest of you… APRIL FOOLS!