Trump: The Political Playbook

“The Donald” how does he do it? Does he have some super secret blueprint for running a winning political campaign? Well not anymore!

Why you ask? Because a crack SUPER spy from, “In My Cluttered Attic” (posing as Donald Trump’s hair stylist) was able to lift his book of secrets right from within Mr. Trumps hair…while doing his usual crack styling job.

spyversusspy.wikia.com

spyversusspy.wikia.com

The Washington Post and New York Times both offered us a substantial amount of money for the story, but we refused the offer. We knew there were millions more to be made by offering the story to our readers first.

So here, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, is the confidential material—sequestered away under Donald Trump’s scalp—revealing how he’s wrestled control away from the Republican Party’s elite. A book so secret “The Donald” himself didn’t have time to name it. So we’ve done that for him. We call this little treasure…

Trump: The Political Playbook.

First, you must learn to be yourself. Act outlandish and draw attention to yourself by hurling insults (we think he’s a natural at this). This will help you standout from the millions of other Republicans running. You can also call them liars. They will all look bewildered at you—not knowing who you mean—since they’re all guilty of lying themselves.

That’s what all politicians do.

And whatever you do, make sure you avoid discussing real political issues. If (ha!) political issues should be brought up in a debate, immediately change the subject to your opponent. Accuse your opponent of something stupid, and then say something even more stupid yourself! But be sure to do this in an entertaining way.

These days it’s called…politics.

Also, know your audience. In a revolution, you must appeal to the poor and uneducated. You will probably have to spell this out for them, as they may not know that they are the poor and uneducated. So remind them of this by saying, “I love the poor and uneducated.”—that should remove all doubt.

*Note: The actual quote from Donald Trump was, “I love the poorly educated!” Now I was called out on this particular point, and rightly so. So, although this will probably come as a blow to the poor and uneducated folks (not being enveloped in “The Donald’s” embrace of love), I suspect this will at least come as a relief to the poorly educated.—

And if there are some who are revolting (hee, hee) within your party, take over and lead them. That way, no one will see you coming. and you can use it to your advantage. Be as outrageous as possible—I know it’s hard for you, but try. Oh, and tell them, “Your fired!” as each one drops out of the race.

Think of the free publicity that would generate; Hey, it worked on The Apprentice!

In addition, you might adopt a look that draws attention to yourself, separating you from the other yahoos in your party. This means (trying to be subtle here), that nothing (I mean nothing) says sexy like whatever it is that you’re wearing on your head? NOTHING!

Oh well… we tried.

Also, make sure to accuse a candidate from the other party (yeah, there’s two) of infiltrating your people, and trying to sabotage your campaign. Suggest that many of your revolutionaries are his young revolutionaries come to join you. That he can’t afford to compete with the kind of publicity your money can buy.

ricochet.com

ricochet.com

This next part is very important; be sure to flip-flop… A LOT!

Not only does it keep your opponents guessing and off balance, it also confuses the hell out of the media—and the public in general!

When in doubt…step on Little Marco. He knows how to flip-flop for you. What’s that? He’s gone already! Well, there’s always Ted Cruz and that other guy—what’s his name?

Never miss a chance to point out how rich you are, and that this makes it possible for you to say, do, or build anything you want—MAYBE EVEN A GIANT WALL! This will come as no surprise to most Americans, as they already have a wall between them and their representatives…

Called lobbyist, corporations, and private interest—so what’s another wall, right?

Remind them all that money is power and that you have more money than god—probably because he doesn’t use the stuff—but this will throw FEAR (something your party is an expert at) into the hearts of other countries. Oh, and be sure to use this fear against Muslims and Hispanics, too. Because you can.

Wait: some of them ARE Americans?

Oh well, that’s okay take the offensive. After all, the American people are already offended and fear their own congress—And your party runs it! Talk about an oxymoron—so this will be nothing new for them.

And lastly, turn around and throw all that money and power back in the face of the party of money and power—YEAH, YOUR OWN PARTY-THE DO NOTHING PARTY UNLESS IT BENEFITS THE RICH—and throw them a party!

Claim it as your own party and go do whatever it is you want with it, and tell them they can all go suck lemons.

WAIT A MINUTE!

There aren’t any secrets here. We’re still baffled about his appeal. We’ve been duped. Where is that crack spy of ours? Hey… don’t you know none of this stuff is top secret? It’s all public knowledge, you moron. Hope you have a resume because here’s your notice…

You’re Fired!!!

 

 

 

 

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59 comments on “Trump: The Political Playbook

  1. Paul, I did not know if I should burst from laughter or cry! You nailed it and summed up that whole stupid manipulation, thinking that people are brainless…. which might work for many, sadly! It feels liberating to look at this serious farce with such a dose of irony! Good to have you, Paul!

    • Thank you, Erika. In one respect, it is all pretty funny—including the whole political process in general. But, since this is supposedly about electing someone to oversee the country, it all seems a little disturbing, that real issues (complex as they are) aren’t being discussed here by the candidates. Maybe it’s because they don’t know what they are—and in some cases that may be true. But then again, they might know them all to well—as they probably have access to hidden details that we don’t. But even more scary, is the possibility that they don’t have a solution to these problems (because no one person can unravel them due to the convoluted nature of them), so they turn to distracting the public from the issues by insulting their opponent in an attempt to avoid being pinned down to discuss their knowledge of the issues. I believe Donald learned—from his time on television—how to manipulate a large portion of the public, by turning the campaign into something like reality television—thus making it like a form of entertainment, somewhat manufacturing the drama. This in turn, appears to have helped him beat his opposition at their own game. That of name calling and avoiding the issues, while presenting a facade of being presidential. In reality, they all just dress better because they have a lot more money, and power (from their party of backers) than most other Americans who are probably just as smart, if not smarter than them..

  2. “Also, know your audience. In a revolution, you must appeal to the poor and uneducated. You will probably have to spell this out for them, as they may not know that they are the poor and uneducated.”

    Obviously, anyone who wasn’t born rich and couldn’t afford college is stupid. Your cultural elitism is showing.

      • Well I’ll admit that in a mild attempt at humor I can see where someone might feel stupidity might have been suggested. However, please know that was never my intent. And because I feel guilty about possibly implying stupidity—again not my intent—for that, I do apologize. Uneducated should never imply stupidity, only lack of opportunity, and so I stand corrected.

    • And a lot of other people, too. One thing we can’t deny, though, he has his followers and they’re devoted to him. I know we all make mistakes—I myself just got called on one by a reader, and he was right. However, a lot of what Donald say’s is true, and he does demonstrate more courage than his opponents, so I have got to give him credit for speaking his mind. But, sometimes I wonder if being so brutally honest about something doesn’t do more harm than good. Diplomacy does have it’s place. Have a great weekend, Sheila. :O)

  3. Oh, if we could only fire him! I feel sorry for your spy – having to put his hands on Trump’s “hair” – yuck!! I hope you gave him a good bonus!

  4. Paul, I have wondered in recent days if Donald really is the most surprised person of all where he finds himself right now. I mean, ego aside why would he want to bind himself professionally and financially by taking a step down to be President? I wonder if he saw the bloated field and figured it would be fun to do a bunch of debates, get some serious air time and ultimately position himself for lucurative business dealings and power brokering with a potential future President. Next thing you know he’s saying “OMG it’s ME!” It is entirely possible he may now look to sabotage his own campaign realizing this went way farther than he ever intended. This might all be enough to even make his hair stand on end…

    • LOL It might! I think that’s a very interesting theory to entertain, though. Bruce, you may be on to something there. What if he thought it might bring him more attention and improve his holdings. But now, the possibility that he might win, well that might force him to have a third party manage a large portion of his financial holdings. It begs to be asked; did he actually anticipate this prospect? I mean, he’s always been about the wealth. then again, he does have an enormous ego. Thought provoking theory, Bruce. :O)

  5. We Canadians are watching the antics of “the Donald” with great concern…initially we thought of his candidacy as a joke, then we were appalled that many Americans were actually supporting him. Now we fear that he could actually pull this off. I’m with “sportsattitudes”…one can only hope that Trump grows bored with the whole political process and concentrates on more serious issues like finding a new hairstylist.

  6. As soon as I saw the title I began snickering because I knew this was gonna be enjoyable-I was not disappointed. I can’t believe I’m about to say this but just think about how Trump being elected president would impact you blog; the blogging world as we know it might just explode with all the traffic heading your way.

  7. I’m glad you managed to get hold of the Donald Trump playbook so we could all have a look at the political wisdom within:

    “Tactic 1: Spout outrageous and offensive nonsense. Tactic 2: Spout outrageous and offensive nonsense. Tactic 3: Spout…”

    Seems there’s a lot of nuance and sophistication built into his plans. That must be why it appeals so strongly to GOP voters.

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