“I Got A Rock!”

And this is it!

And this is it!

Oh, this is just great. Here it is, Halloween, and our youngest son told us he was in need of a new costume for going out to Trick or Treat tonight.

screamWasn’t the Scream costume we bought him five years ago, good enough? At the time, he begged for it—on his hands and knees while clutching my leg as I left the store—it WAS top of the line then. It’s only been five years… surely it’s top of the line now, I thought.

spiritI mean I’ve been to the local Halloween Spirit store, and there are tons of plastic faced Frankenstein, Werewolf, and Dracula costumes hanging there from the 1940’s—all just under $9.95. Obviously, still as popular today as they were 75 years ago—why else would they still be hanging around?

So, SCREAM, must still be a scream after only five years…right?

But, that was not the worst of it… oh no. He further informed us that the neighborhood kids deliberately started avoiding our house on Halloween, not because it looked so scary—even though I did put a small fortune and many hour’s of work into making it look EXPENSIVELY spooky—just ask my protesting wife!

No, he said, instead, they are avoiding our house annually because we only hand out a piece of fruit and one piece of candy per Trick or Treater. He then mentioned how the kids all claim that the candy we give out is always the assorted Jolly Rancher kind.

Well, I can’t deny it, they are the best—smallest candy you can buy, that’s cheap!

Also, he mumbled something about how the kids pointed out that we always make sure to tuck into their trick or treat bags, a cost assessment breakdown of every bag of candy we buy for them.

This, along with an explanation that because of the increased cost in candy, we’ve had to cut back on our Halloween candy handouts. Can’t have ill-informed marauding Trick or Treaters now, can we? trick or treat

After all, while the kids count their candy, we parents have to count the cost.

But now my son has warned us that the little urchins are planning an attack on our house—so devastating—that it would put to shame, any house teepeeing, rotten egg tossing, splattered window fiasco’s, they’ve ever done in the past.

And, that it involves the launching of a rock… the size of an asteroid, with the face of a skull no less!

And he said that they told him, that the only thing that could save us; would be if we bought him the best Halloween costume of his choice. And also, forking over the best candy money can buy when they show up at our door on October 31st.

Naturally, being nobody’s fool, I required proof of such a threat.

He produced the picture above. I asked him, “What’s this?” He told me it was the proof I demanded. When I told him I’d need more than just a picture, he said, “Call NASA and ask them if I doubt that a giant skull faced Rock is heading our way on Halloween?”

Naturally, I scoffed at him and called, NASA. Well, as it turns out; he telling the truth!

NASA, confirmed that there is an asteroid size rock hurdling our way for tonight, and that it does have a skull shaped face.

Of course, I immediately broke down and went out and bought my youngest son a new super deluxe Ironman suit, complete with all the fire power he could possibly need to defend our home against marauding ghouls and goblins—and big skull shaped rocks.

Plus, just in case trick or treat attackers were to get by him while he was out trick or treating, I took the added precaution of shelling out thousands of dollars for hundreds of boxes of See’s candies to hand out. You know, just in case.

After all, the last thing you’d ever want to say on Halloween is—wait for it—”I GOT A ROCK.”

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51 comments on ““I Got A Rock!”

    • Kate, leave it to you to go out in the most popular costume of the year! I’ve decided (or rather, my wife has) to take the kids out trick or treating. It’ll be in the 70’s and quite perfect for Halloween. Lots of atmosphere. Have a Happy Halloween, Kate. :@)

  1. PERFECT!!! Our street (I was informed AFTER we moved in) is the most popular haunt for TNT’ers. One can, in fact, spend hundreds of dollars on candy to help rot their little teeth and contribute to the childhood obesity epidemic. A worse trick, indeed. Please send Ironman our way.

  2. Opening up the treats as I write this. Perfect NE PA weather for Halloween. Cool and crisp. We expect a record crowd of ghouls and goblins as we have a sizable number of residences around us. Enjoy!

  3. Speaking of costumes, I went to the mid-morning buffet at one of our local Nevada casinos, and all of the patrons were dressed up as withered, wrinkled zombies and smoking cigarettes.

    I complimented an older woman on her amazing costume.

    She glowered. “I’m not wearing a costume.”

  4. I purposely waited until after your big night to contact you and see if you made it through without being attacked by the alien rock or the senior walking dead’s. Your son has some interesting connections. Makes me wonder what type of “incentive” he will use when negotiating his Christmas list.
    P.S…thought your last line was going to be…I AM A ROCK….to which I would have replied, well, you know the next line..😊

  5. So if per chance you didn’t happen to get it right, and the rock knocked you out, can I have the Mrs See’s candies…..I LOVE Mrs See’s candies, only the peanut ones mind lol
    My poor Aunt always has to bring a box every visit.
    P.s Even though I will be disappointed with no Mrs See’s, I do hope you’re ok 🙂

    • If only there were more sane people in the world like you and me, Sarah. Then, the world would be a much better place. But alas, they are all on the outside looking in and are likely head shrinks, using all sorts of brain scan equipment to probe the inside of our minds, trying to understand the mystery of what makes us the geniuses that we are. :@)

  6. I don’t know what See’s are.
    Sean was always worried as a kid about his own family home. His dad was a dentist who could only bear to give out sugarfree gum.
    The jolly dentist in my neighbourhood growing up was a big fan of Halloween so you bet he gave out candy, but also new toothbrushes!

  7. One piece of fruit and one piece of candy? Haha – so you were one of THOSE neighbors huh? I have to agree with you though that Jolly Ranchers are the best!! I too have never heard of See’s (Googling now).

  8. NO lie… I was trick-or-treating with a couple of boys. We were 10, 11, and 12… two of us ran up to this old lady’s apartment and got her two very last pieces of candy. The 12 year old runs up late and the grandma was like “Oh, dear… wait a second” closes her door and seconds later, opens enough to put her hand out and slip an ONION in his bag and slam the door!

    You should have seen his face! Priceless. He looked at the closed door, and in his bag and back at the door. We raced back and couldn’t wait to tell everyone that Wayne got an onion!

  9. The candy is now gone. The sugar high has also departed. It’s time to start baking…maybe this is the natural course of gastrointestinal events…Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all perfectly aligned. Let the measuring and leavening begin!

    • Sometimes I think most of my fans take me for granted. They probably figure I can just sit down and turn out a post at the drop of a hat. But truth be told; I’ll sit and slave over a hot desktop, working my fingers to the bone on my keyboard—for seconds at a time, occasionally minutes!—before I can ever coerce someone into dropping a hat, so that I can produce that post. But once that happens I have no problem at all producing a poorly put together post! In all seriousness, though, thank you very much for the kind words of praise, joyful2bee. Believe me when I say, they don’t ever go unnoticed and are always much appreciated. Thank you again, and I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well. :O)

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