Grog, And The Mars Moon Mission


Ever since, Grog, invented the first boom boom stick—suitable for clubbing T-Rex over the head with—we people have always been interested in future advancement.

Despite Grog’s miscalculation on the height differential—resulting in death (and messy) demise of Grog the first, by said T-Rex—his people have pressed forward in an attempt to push the boundaries of scientific advancement.

For instance, they came up with the ever practical new Rubik’s Cube MP3 Player. So portable, it fits right into your fanny pack. Well, not QUITE INTO YOUR FANNY PACK, but with a little assistance from a crowbar and a barrage of profanity, you might be able to fit the cube in… BUTT barely..

Yet, not content with creating space for a Rubik’s Cube MP3 Player that fits into your fanny pack like a lump of cube, Grog’s ancestors had also wanted to explore space of another kind. O-U-T-E-R  S-P-A-C-E (echo, echo, echo)!

You see, Grog—and his offspring—have always had this thing about going to the moon. This makes perfect sense when you consider how, after they made a mess of the air and oceans down here on earth, the next logical step would naturally be…going to the moon.

Now initially, Grog thought that catapults could do the trick. That was of course, before Grog went up and did a splash down in the middle of the ocean. There, waiting patiently, but ravenously to perform the recovery part of the mission, was a Mosasaurus—like the one seen here in Jurassic World. (Burp!)  mosasaurus1

Undeterred though—despite finding what was left of Grog and his loincloth washing up on shore—his offspring never gave up hope of polluting our moon too.

So competing—as ancestors are apt to do—Astronaut Grog’s ancestors hatched a plan to make Cosmonaut Grog’s family jealous of this possible super achievement. This they did, when they discovered that, Cosmonaut Grog, might actually make it to the moon before, Astronaut Grog.

Astronaut Grog, realizing that a trip to the moon would involve getting through the Van Allen radiation belts—which hang in a low orbit around the earth (a problem which NASA’s Orion mission Grog’s, are JUST NOW ADDRESSING here in 2015) for deep space exploration—decided to hire a mega Hollywood producer Grog, to stage a fake moon landing.

Surprisingly, this subterfuge actually worked!

It so fooled Cosmonaut Grog and his fellow comrades enough, that they felt defeated. This left them wanting to climb into a giant bottle of Vodka and forget about the moon—yet another seemingly impossible Grog task, albeit, an intoxicating one. However, they settled on building a space station instead.

Now, this space station would be designed to harmlessly float underneath the Van Allen radiation belts—something scientifically possible—and could then be realistically reached by a space shuttle.

But when Cosmonaut Grog—who had since reverted back to a neanderthal Grog, but now calling himself, Putin the Grog (all the while not wearing a shirt at every possible moment…especially when wrestling Saber-toothed Tigers) heard about a Astronaut named, Damon the Grog, landing on the planet Mars, well all hell broke loose. Now Astronaut, Damon the Grog was telling his story in a major motion picture called, “The Martian” and that was the last straw for Putin the Grog! tigermarvin_the_martian_cutie_by_snowstoat-d4czucx

Now Putin the Grog was wanting to know how NASA Grog’s, could have possibly erased the actual footage of the supposed moon-landing? I mean, come on… it’s the ultimate technological achievement for Grog’s the world over!

This forced NASA’s Grog’s to undertake and oversee a project to digitize old grainy footage of the first moon landing. Grog’s the world over now wanted to know what’s next—erasing “The Martian” so that NASA’s Grog’s could get into digitizing Hollywood films?

What are these NASA Grog’s really trying to hide? Another Grog encounter, but this time with a possible Moonasaurus, or maybe even a Martianasaurus—OR BOTH?

Why, all this Grog vs Grog dealing and double-dealing is enough to make any average Grog, want to go and drink a keg of Grog!


36 comments on “Grog, And The Mars Moon Mission

  1. Every time I read Van Allen – it read to me as Van Halen. Then of course, David Lee Roth would pop up in my head and do a cameo appearance with Marvin the Martian you have posted… and well, it was trippy to say the least… as if I were on drugs. Only at your blog can this happen. Panama….Panama..uh…uh..uh..uhuh.

      • No, your site is like dropping acid. Or how I think acid would be if I were to drop it? I don’t think I’ve even carried it, so it would make sense that it wasn’t dropped (by me) anyway. But your blog posts sometimes give me that effect. Or affect me that way? Oh, dear God… now I’m confused and please I want Marvin the Martian to shoot David Lee Roth. (He’s scary.)

      • We here at “The Attic” have experimented with dropping acid before—MANY TIMES before. But, it was the last time we dropped a test tube of acid that we produced David Lee Roth! Naturally, we stopped dropping acid after that and immediately put out a contract on the test tube Roth. As I recall, it was Marvin and a four legged friend—going by the name of K-9—who decided to do the hit. :o)

  2. Huh? Can you repeat that again a little more slowly? Are we aping about Grog or Greg because you know a little vowel makes a very BIG difference here. Now, please pass me the Tylenol.

    • And when George is done with the tylenol…can I have it please??? I know English is my second language…but if even the natives are befuddled…have to read this a couple of times again, but I keep on laughing and than I have to start again…cheers Johanna

      • Yes, I realize this was probably very difficult to follow, Johanna, especially after coming on the heels of my Oktoberfest with zah K post. But, Grog’s do an awful lot of grunting and groaning while waving their arms about when communicating, and I felt I owed it to their ancestors to try and be as true to their native tongue as I could be. Obviously—I’ve exceeded even my expectations! I’ll get the Tylenol. 😀

    • Oh most assuredly Grog like aping, but with a short o vowel sound, and not the short e vowel sound, as that would only encourage a headache similar to the type one might have gotten in Mrs. Tedesco’s English class when she was having a bad day. But, all the same you still want that Tylenol, right George? :o.

  3. NASA’s Orion mission Grog’s, aiming to do a deep space exploration and ultimately guided by the fake moon landing… interesting…
    It sounds like a the kind of plan one would define as taken to the next level indeed… Just avoid telling them what supposedly happened to the Apollo 18 cosmonauts… according to the conspirative versions of course…
    Great post, my friend … happy friday and weekend ahead. Aquileana ✨🌟

    • That’s something to be proud of Bun, as most of there writings are only to be found on the walls of caves. They seldom visited Starbucks or used laptops in those days, I know—because I googled it. Has Googled ever laughed at you before, because they sure laughed at me when I asked them that question?

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