All About What’s Going On Up There!

mind-reading

You know, every once in awhile I’ll get a comment or two from people. Oh yeah… but that’s the price you pay for only having ‘the happiest most IMPOSSIBLE to find blog on the entire internet.’ And, one or two folks have even gone so far as to tell me that they love my poetry—which I find strangely odd—since I don’t write poetry.

However, I do confess that at one time, I did consider having the EASIEST to find blog on the entire internet. But, then it occurred to me that Vito and Vinnie might find me. So, I’ve since reconsidered that idea, and I’m going to continue lying low for a while longer. Sorry boy’s, thank Mario for the nice offer, but I don’t think I’d like sleeping with the fishy’s.

Anyway, recently a woman named, Helen—from New Jersey—after having read my blog, asked me this question, “What goes on in that mind of yours, is there any possibility of you donating your brain to science—perhaps while your still alive?”

Touched as I was by her desire to learn the INGENUOUS way in which my mind works, I felt that I had to remind her that a GENIUS has so much more to offer the world without donating my mind to science while I’m still alive. There will be plenty of time to do that… long after I’m dead.

Helen, who is from some place called, Princeton replied; “Don’t kid yourself BROTHER.”

Helen, dear lady, I don’t think I have a sister in New Jersey, but I do think there is an easy way to find out if we’re related.

We need only to have your blood drawn to test and see if you are from the AMA. It’s a great way to find out if you’ve ever belonged to the American Medical Association. It’s better than messing with the DNA, and then we’ll know if we’re a match.

But personally, I’m pretty sure I’ve never worked for the AMA. So, I seriously doubt if we can relate to each other.

Still, some folks have pressed me for more details about what goes on up inside my head—and let me just say; those waterboard sessions were the worst! Yes, I’ve even told readers that they could read what’s “In My Cluttered Attic” to find out what’s going on up there, but I guess they wanted a second by second account.

And so, for the very first time in—In My Cluttered Attic’s—history, I am going to give you—my reader’s— a chance to experience the wonder that is… my brain. Hold on tight now…this could get a little intense, but please, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Alright, here we go…

………..Okay…….I’m getting an image now……..Yes……….I’m seeing a cheese steak sandwich……..but I can’t eat it yet…………..DARN!…………. because it’s only in my mind………………………but boy does that sound good right now!……………….. SEX!……………..But, I better wait for lunch……………….. SEX!…………………But, I’m hungry now!………………….SEX!………………Wait a minute!………………I gotta tinkle…………………….I’ll be right back………………………………………oh my wife is going to kill me………….because I left the toilet seat up again!……………. …………………..SEX!…………..Oh wait!……..I have another thought coming in……………………………………………..never mind……………..it’s gone…………………..oh……. Oh………OH wait………..SEX!………..Woohoo!…………………lost it there for a moment………sorry…………..is it lunch yet?……………..Oh for crying out loud………………SEX!……………….Now focus stupid………….stop and concentrate…………………..on SEX!………………….oh, for the love of………SEX!……………stop and think about…………………….SEX!………………Gee whiz……………..I mean, I know that being a man means we think about………SEX!………… a lot…………….but every seven seconds?……….Come on!……….. SEX………………..no wonder it takes me so long to do a post!………SEX!………Oh this is terrible this is!……SEX!!!  4433318601_80d12e0efb

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36 comments on “All About What’s Going On Up There!

  1. I think Helen from Princeton, one time home of Albert Einstein, may now be rethinking her suggestion about donating your brain to science. I mean I know you’re obsessed with cheese steaks but this is crazy addiction stuff. Have you seen anyone for this problem? Stop….disregard my obvious question. I can tell by the grease on your face the sessions have been a failure. Now what?

  2. The most shocking of your thoughts was the one about leaving the toilet seat up again. Even with a memory like mine, that’s the one mistake I would never make! Not after what happened the last time.

  3. Aw I LOVE this poem! So eloquent, so flowing, so… inspired!
    But for real now, seriously funny! Your description of what goes on in your brain is pretty hilarious. If you replace SEX with BROWNIE MIX, and then replace all the other words with BROWNIE MIX- you’d have my thoughts exactly! We must be twins!!

    • LOL. Of course! It all makes sense now… in some weird Brownie Mix sort of way. How else could they have possibly prevented you from being contaminated by my often twisted convoluted influence, other than to separate us at birth! Sarah, I just knew we were twins, we had to be. You with that pink hair, or is it blue again? And me and my red nose with missing tiara. Oh sure at first people won’t make the physical connection, but I have crackpot scientist working on that at this very minute. Why, we could even be the Doublemint gum twins for all they know. Maybe even the Minnesota Twins! And here I thought my poetry was yet to be written. Dr. Seuss, eat your heart out!

      • I’ve always fancied myself as the next Shel Silverstein, but that’s where the poetry ends. Yes, Google has made me the man I am today. Yep, I’ll never have to think for myself ever again. What a break for my brain! :O)

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