If you watch daytime programming or any kind of retro television, you may be acquainted with an AARP Medicare Supplement Insurance Plan ad. There’s this older couple, they’re in a car see (he’s driving), when suddenly out of the blue, the wife (who is in the passenger side of the vehicle) say’s to her husband…
“Honey, we need to talk.”
He responds with “We do? I took out the trash.” and she retorts “I know, and thank you so much for doing that.” I’d say things were rolling along quite nicely, wouldn’t you? Oh, a little syrupy perhaps, but then my wife probably would have responded more like…
“Sure you did, just like last week, and the week before, and the week before that. Each time I reminded you the night before, and you still forgot. Forcing me to get up and rush out—in slippers and a robe. Only to be ogled at by old man Mitchell—the pervert next door—all because I got locked out of the house on account of your forgetting to take out the trash the night before!”
Never mind that though, that’s not the point I was trying to make.
However, now that I think about it, she might be right. Mitchell does kind of ogle? Why last month, he did the same thing to me (ogle me that is) when my wife locked me out of the house, in my underwear—and on purpose! Its nothing, just a little game we play—when she gets mad.
Besides, he only stared at me for ten minutes—without blinking! Nah… what a ridiculous thought!
Now where was I? Oh yeah, the commercial. So anyway when the wife (by the way…that’s any wife) starts a conversation with, “Honey, we need to talk.” You can bet it’s not likely going to be about some Medicare Supplement Insurance Plan. I can tell you that… no siree!
No, now that she’s got you trapped in that speeding car (yes, you’re accelerating, any man would after a statement like that), she probably wants to know how lipstick got on your collar. In fact, you’re probably wanting to know how it got there too? That’s still not the point I wanted to make.
But, now that I think about it, I’m having some terrible thoughts.
What if I’m in a bathtub full of water and my wife walks in (a devious smile across her face), and with a toaster that’s plugged in! What if she decides to ask that question then? “Honey, we need to talk.”
All I can see is lights flashing on and off throughout the house.
Or maybe, I have the car jacked up and I’m working underneath doing a repair job, when suddenly I see my wife’s high heels, and she’s standing next to the car jack saying, “Honey, we need to talk.”
I have this horrible image of the car coming down on me—and boy is it ever heavy, because it’s not a VW bug!
Worse, I see myself hanging from my tool belt over the edge of the gutters while cleaning them out. When suddenly, there’s my wife smiling, standing on the roof above me—and she’s holding an extra sharp pair of pruning shears saying… “Honey, we need to talk.”
Ah… those are just crazy thoughts. I shouldn’t be trying to do a post anyway as I’m suppose to be figuring out why the pilot light’s out on our oven. And I promised my wife I would get it done today, and she’ll be disappointed if she finds me writing a post instead. Boy it sure smells like gas in here? Oh wait a minute, there’s my wife. This won’t take but a second.