The State Of “The Attic” Address (and former employee…Bob)

The Idiot

The Idiot

The following is from the CEO (public nuisance) of “In My Cluttered Attic”

Welcome good readers. I take great pride (in the misery of others) that I (he means his writers) provide a blog that offers an escape and refuge (insane asylum) from your daily strife.

However, you may have noticed that I’ve been gone for a week (A week! Oh I think we all know he’s been GONE much longer than that) so that I could get some badly needed rest (something this slacker knows plenty about).

But, now I’m back (help us Obe-Won, you’re only hope!).

And it’s time for the monthly “In My Cluttered Attic” state of the blog address (that’s new, when did this happen?). The state of my blog is strong (obviously the guy is delusional and hasn’t seen his stats lately).

As many of you have noticed (chirp, chirp, chirp…etc) I have not posted in a week (for which we are all grateful). You may be asking yourself, why (not really)?

Well there’s a simple explanation for this (because the author of this blog is a simpleton?); a quality post takes time (not if your good) and I have been working on a (fifth of Jack Daniels) post worthy of you, my many followers (actually, he’s quite paranoid).

That, and my internet provider has been having problems of late (sure and I have a bridge to sell you in the Mojave Desert). I had writers block too (nothing new there). And finally, I was hard at work all week long (try hardly working).

Sometimes this happens to great writers (and frequently to this dope). But, don’t be alarmed dear readers (I’m not… are any of you?) as this is only a passing predicament for me (that has plagued him all his life).

Occasionally (try always), I find myself staring at a blank screen (with a vacant look due to his lack of intelligence) not sure what I’ll write next (as I, and all his other gag writers just quit and he’s lost without us) before a post finally crystallizes in my mind (first, you to have one…a mind, that is).

But, that is the exception (try the rule, moron) here “In My Cluttered Attic.”

I had writers (block) who desperately tried to provide laughs (frequently) for you, my loyal readers (accidentally sucked into this black hole he likes to call a blog).

But, I was recently forced to let them all go (we fled…happily), because they were (competent and refused to work for nothing) demanding more than they were worth (its called a paycheck, TIGHTWAD!).

Have no fear though (if I were you, I’d be petrified) followers of “The Attic” because your prayers for better writing has been answered (did you all go back to reading scripture?).

And with that, let us begin (to abandon this clown) again. SHUT-UP BOB, I FIRED YOU! (I quit, REMEMBER?)


35 comments on “The State Of “The Attic” Address (and former employee…Bob)

  1. Well…worth waiting, I’d say, I started the day laughing out loud! Love the ‘translations’!! I tease my husband like this all the time, he is a True Northerner from The Netherlands. That means a man of little words with deeper meanings: ” That is a good idea” = that is never going to happen. Or: ” Fascinating” = you make a fool of yourself. Or: ” colorful’ = too frilly, I am nauseated.
    And poor thing, are you having cold? You nose seems a little red….cheers Johanna

  2. I hate it when that happens but it’s the summer you know and even gag writers get the blues! Or heat stroke or whatever – okay, my brain has gone off auto-pilot yet again! Glad you’re back (well sort of I guess!) ; )

    • You raise an interesting question, Joseph. I’ll have to get my staff on it (uh…just as soon as I can hire them all back). Why “The Attic” could very well be on the cutting edge of blogging without blogging!

  3. Well now… do you think as a CEO, it was right to let Bob go? Did you think of the consequences? What about those times you get writer’s block? Can you not hand over the reigns to him, give yourself a beak? I dunno… I imagine you thought long and hard about such a decision! Tightwad or not, maybe you could have set up some bartering system… 😀

      • It’s usually never a good sign if your belongings are packed in suitcases and waiting for you by the front door.

        But hopefully it’s something simple. Maybe you stumbled into a parallel universe — an upside-down world — where your family are strangers, politicians are honest, and humor writers are actually compensated for their craft.

        Can I come, too?

    • I appreciate that, Juls. I’ll continue to plod along, hoping for inspiration, but this is probably the best you can expect from my blog. Unfortunately, that means this particular post was not one of a kind. However, if you continue to read my blog, I’ll sing your praises—bad voice and all. Oh what sad times these are when a blogger feels the need to resort to bribes in order to keep his intelligent readers. Thank you Juls. :@)

      • Oh dear, please don’t lump me into the intelligent bracket, you are going to be sorely disappointed.
        I wish I had a clever mind and interesting things to say, sadly most days I lack inspiration too, but do you know what, the good thing is that there is still a place for us here 🙂

      • Well this reporter stands by his claim, and is overjoyed to have your attention, Juls. As confusing as WordPress can get, you’re right, at least they provide a wonderful place for us writers, poets, photographers, and bloggers of any ilk. :O)

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