Area 51… Is Not An Isolated Case


Secrets, unexplained and perplexing curiosities, those and more are what make a mystery. There seems to be less and less to explore; other than our own atmosphere full of UFO’s, and space itself.

But, there are still places on this planet that have us scratching our heads, and which still continue to leave us baffled for answers, like this blog sometimes, okay—all the time.

There are people who say that our oceans and deep lakes are the last great riddles on earth. For those who would take issue with that argument, we only need reference the Loch Ness Monster, and the Bermuda Triangle. nessie

And if you feel there are no great enigmas left to conquer on land I need only offer you Big Foot, Roswell, and Area 51?

Speaking of which, the CIA (no, not the Culinary Institute of America… silly) the real CIA, those guys in the black suits and hats, who wear dark sunglasses, that CIA… well they seem to think that the Groom Lake Area, located well within the perimeters of Area 51, is perhaps the biggest place to be nervous about on earth!

ciaDon’t you love it when the CIA is wrong about something?

Because you see, there is another spot, one close to most any man’s heart. A place where the relics of the past, present, and maybe even the future… are stored. Its called, his mind?

Ha, are you kidding! Any woman would tell you that that expanse is surely empty, and devoid of anything of value too.

Don’t you love it when women are wrong about something? But that’s one man’s fantasy for another day.

Yet, there is even more mysterious place to be more nervous about. This place could be a garage, a storage locker, or in my case—a closet.

And there seems to be this great urgency to get at what is inside this closet of mine that I like to call… Area 61, and by any means possible—and especially by my wife.

Could it be the sign I posted on its outer doors, stating—DANGER DO NOT ENTER that draws her attention? do not enter

There have even been some expeditions, mounted by a few of our more adventurous and inquisitive children, all in the hopes of exploring this great void that is beyond my double doors of doom… never to have returned.

Of course, this has saved us (my wife included) countless millions of dollars in school lunches, yearbooks, fundraisers for rolls of wrapping paper, and of course, school pictures—twice a year no less!

And yet, my wife’s insistence on getting into Area 61 still borders on obsessiveness similar to that Ufologist and their determination to unlock the secrets of that mysterious compound in the middle of the Nevada desert. I have tried to remind her of what happened to the cat when it got curious, to which she exclaimed…

“Yeah… it got lost in your closet, and never returned!” Okay, yes its true, but that’s only because our cat didn’t read the sign that said—DANGER DO NO ENTER!

I don’t know what any of them were hoping to find in my Area 61? Maybe some great lost civilization? But, is it my fault that group forgot to leave breadcrumbs?

timeI mean, it wasn’t as if I didn’t warn the great Minoan civilization about what might happen if the got into my H.G Wells original time machine (don’t ask, I found it at a garage sale and decided to use it to visit the Minoans. But, upon arriving back at my closet and exiting my time machine (one by one…it practically took all day to complete the exodus!) began wondering about in my closet, and became a lost civilization.

But, maybe my wife and kids were hoping they could find my cigar box full of rare baseball cards. It contains my T206 Honus Wagner baseball card (one of only 3 in existence), worth around $2.8 million. I think I left it attached to the spokes of my lime colored, banana seat, stingray bike… I know its in there somewhere.

Then again, they might have been after Spielberg’s stage prop of the Ark of the Covenant from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Ever since I borrowed it from Steven—and then promptly lost it in there—he’s been after my family to get it back for him. Doesn’t he think if I knew where it was… I’d go in and get it myself?

But then, I guess he knows I’m not that stupid. I often wonder what might happen if some idiot—lost in there—ever found it, and then tried to open it? Think of the mess… eww! wraith

Besides, a person could get sucked into the black hole that is now my closet and never get out. That’s what happened to Jimmy Hoffa, you know. He didn’t go missing—he just got lost in there is all!

Dorothy’s Ruby Slippers, George Washington’s Wooden Teeth, one of the Moon Rocks. Yeah… those Moon Rocks—but I have the one with that Martian finger-print on it—NASA still hasn’t reported that one as missing, I wonder why?

They’re all in there though… somewhere, along with all the brains of Congress. I was doing this telepathy trick for them—the one I saw used on TV’s The Mentalist used by the character, Patrick Jane. Boy did that go bad. As soon as I realized what had happened, I chucked it into Area 61. Guess now we’ll have to elect a new Congress.

Oh, and then there’s this sock that came out of the washer the other day. Yep, I left the other one on the floor in my closet, and now its part of Area 61 too!  sock


60 comments on “Area 51… Is Not An Isolated Case

    • Tricia, we have a deal. When I got my first time machine (it was Dr. Who’s Tardis) I turned it into my Bidet, and the bathroom has become my throne ever since. Talk about your… eau de toilettes! I am now the lord of my castle, and it is much larger on the inside than it is on the outside. You know, I think that’s why my wife yells “Sir Butt, will you come outside and let your subjects have a chance?” through the door. My subjects love me,.. as you can tell. :O)

  1. Interesting…but I will tell you one thing, America is full of Aliens!! We were surprised to be declared an alien too…when we moved to America, 3 years ago, we first had a visa with the myserious code LA1. Can you guess what it means? Legal Alien with Special Abilities. Ha! And we were not even from outerspace…but from The Netherlands and Canada. We considered this very exciting! Even the ‘authorities’ were surprised: whenever we were asked for our ‘legal status’ we would declare ourselves solemnly “Legal Alien with Special Abilities” and always met with grins and giggles. Really…we were almost sad to receive our Green Cards and become ordinairy citizens again. We know of one other person who was declared an Alien, he is from Norway and has now a restaurant in Vermont. His Visa hangs framed on the wall, to prove that he too was once a real Alien….Cheers Johanna

    • I must learn to play those pipe tones from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” so that we all can communicate in the UNIVERSAL language of music, especially since you and your friend hail from the three planets of Canada, The Netherlands, and Norway. I vaguely remember Galileo discovering these planets. Obviously (being Aliens yourselves) this is why they issued you green cards, being that they call you little green men. But since some of you are apparently female, I’m sure our ill-informed government will be making changes to that soon. “WELCOME TO EARTH QUEEN, JOHANNA!” Let me take you to our leader… ahem, my wife. ;o)

      • Hilarious!! An alas…little green men, I would settle for that but I am a royal 6 foot high and that makes me the shortest in the Walker family…My sincere greetings to your leader..uhm wife!

      • I’m so sorry about your height, Johanna. You must be the tallest in your flight crew. That must be murder on your head, having to always stoop at the entrance, just to get into your saucer? Still, we’re very glad to have you among us. 😀

      • oops, pressed send too soon..I am not the tallest. Mr. Walker is 6.2, and the Walker boys are 6.4 and 6.5. But thank you so much for being so welcoming, really we love living in America!

      • I’m glad to hear that. I’d like to visit The Netherlands some day, just as soon as we get the hyper-drive fixed and can go light-speed. I’ve seen Canada and I loved it there. The aliens (I mean, people) were wonderful! :O)

  2. H has one of those. It’s called The Workroom. Contains all kinds of stuff I call junk and he calls valuables. I’m itching to get myself in there to start pitching. But…that would probably be the end of this marriage if I did! ~Elle

    • LOL That’s probably just as well Elle. Most pitching coaches will tell you (my wife happens to be one too—what a coincidence!) that you need a lot of arm room for pitching out all that junk we husbands collect and call “priceless treasures,” but that’s only because it is. ;o)

  3. We have drawers that magically suck working pens right out into the void. Sometimes they even disappear from counters and desktops, leaving only the spent duds behind.

    • OMG, I have got to get back into my closet and find me one of those! I am almost certain that I have one of those wonder drawers in there somewhere, because we have tons of those spent duds left on our counters, desktops, and in cupholders too! You know Jan, I think some of them come from a planet called… Bic! I’m curious if the planet Bic is anywhere near our galaxy? ;o)

    • Interesting that you mentioned your purse, Susie. Our scientist in Area 61 have been busy conducting studies for years on my wife and daughters old purses. And let me tell you… although most of the time is spent collecting old hairbands, brushes, and lipstick tubes, occasionally we get a real find that’s right out of this world—LOST MONEY! But, as you can imagine, it doesn’t stay lost for long. 😀

  4. Ufologist? Really? It scares me that you might possibly use that word in daily conversation. I’m surprised you didn’t mention if your wife ever suggested that maybe your mind might be lost in area 61 along with the invaluable baseball cards we all wasted on our bicycle spokes….:) Because that, my friend, is a very real possibility, as you might already know…:)

    • I really don’t know for sure, George, I can’t remember. But, you may be right about that. Ever since I had my frontal lobotomy (performed by my wife, by the way) I’ve had this nagging feeling that Space (you know, the final frontier) is actually between my ears! Either that, or I was abducted by aliens—from Peru. And you can’t get more alien than that! Oh, thanks for playing, George. Did I win a car? See what I mean… completely out of touch with reality. 😀

  5. I think my boyfriend has one of these. It’s called “I put the stuff back in a specific place, and he finds a new place for it… that he can’t remember.” I hope you find that bike though… and the card… and everything else.

  6. Area 61 sounds very much like Spawn’s bedroom. It’s a place where every dish in the house appears and where clothes are strewn across the place as if by some unseen forces. It’s where socks go to die and where the stench is so bad, that the cockroaches have moved out in pure disgust.

    • I know what you mean. Lily. I hear the cockroaches have now taken up residence in New York. Spawn’s ability to throw clothes across the room is shared by others, such as myself. This unique power to defy gravity with various fabrics, appears to have become quite pronounced shortly after I became a teenager, you should have seen my room! On second thought, maybe not. Anyway, I am currently trying to use this powerful unseen force to move massive amounts of money into my bank account. But, as of yet, all my experiments have failed miserably. ;o)

    • Oh, they’re probably cooking something up. Oh… oh you meant the other CIA, the ones that carry those top secret black briefcases attached to their wrist with handcuffs! You don’t happen to work with them, do you Jay? ;o.

  7. Man, it’s the same way with all my drawing supplies. I have many drawers and pockets for them. My intention is always to keep them in a nice, organized manner, but sure enough…pencils, pens, erasers…they all end up getting jumbled together and pretty soon I can’t find the thing I’m looking for.

  8. Yes, but this may only be a temporary setback for my Area 61 scientist. Three of them went fishing, and I’ve received a transmission from one of them saying “I think we’re going to need a bigger boat!”

  9. Not a closet. You need a classic antique wardrobe. Now, those things are scary, like in that hand clapping scene in “The Conjuring.” If you haven’t seen it, well, I’ve warned you.

    • Now that you mention it Henry, I think I have one of those old antique wardrobe closets somewhere in my closet, it’s an enormous ego booster. Every time I enter Area 61 I’m greeted with wild applause. :O)

  10. Good luck finding everything! I’m pretty sure that all of the rooms in my house contain portals to random other parts of my house, so my whole place could be considered some kind of strange alien dumping ground really…

  11. The older I get, the more convinced I am the Illuminati exists and its only function is to steal my socks.

      • Its just as well, as it is a top secret area and under heavy guard (by a 14 year old toy poodle with a penchant for dog cookies.) Any chance of bribing your way in would be met by stiff resistance, resulting in a trespasser possibly being licked to death if they happen to be carrying a box of dog cookies).

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