“Does she or doesn’t she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure.” If you remember this very famous slogan by Clairol for their hair ads, you may be close to meeting your mortician.
I was recently reading where Marilyn Monroe’s mortician has just released a new tell all book, where he dishes the dirt, not only on Marilyn Monroe’s body, but other dead celebrities bodies, and the sorry state they were in after their demise.
Basically, he goes on record as saying, it’s not a pretty picture. And that got me thinking (oh, if only that’s all it took), that maybe, it’s their mortician who really knows for sure? And that’s when my brain had a morbidly profound thought.
Do I really want my mortician to see my body just after I’ve had the worst day of my life?
I can think of a few days that might have worked out better for me. For example; how about that day when I was told by my fitness coach, that I had the body of a twenty-four year old in training for the Olympic Decathlon. Although, he is something of a known liar… at least he got my age right.
Then there was the time I swam across the English Channel… IN MY MIND. The coroner might have been pleased with what would have awaited him on that cold slab of metal on that particular day. Lets face it, those of you who know me, wouldn’t blame him if he just said “Yuck, this guys mind was such a mess” had he got me on a day of one of my posts?
But back to being unprepared to meet your mortician on that day.
Remember your mother telling you to be sure to put clean underwear on before heading out, “Son, what if you have an accident?” I used to think, just one day I’d like to respond to my mom,saying “What if I die mom? I seriously doubt if the coroner would be concerned if I had an old pair of Fruit of the Looms on.”
I know I wouldn’t.
Right now, some of you are thinking “If I were dead right now, I would just die if the coroner saw me like this!” And a couple of you were wondering and don’t deny it, because its the naked truth, “Here I am heading to the mortuary—and I haven’t a thing to wear.” Yeah—we were wondering about that one too.
But, we don’t have time to dwell on your sex life, or where you were found when it happened. Well, not right this minute, but you can bet there will be plenty of speculation going on after we’re done here, I can tell you that.
Other questions of note; Did I dye my hair this morning; brush my teeth (god forbid if I forgot to floss again—wouldn’t you know it, and today of all days!); Darn, I didn’t weigh myself. Did I finally lose that nagging 46 pounds; what kind of damage did my poor body suffer at death; and… did I even have a body left?
Uh-huh… I think we can all agree, that in the end if we haven’t been thinking ahead and preparing for that day… only are mortician really knows for sure.
And if your anything like me; you’re probably hoping… that he isn’t planning on writing a best seller.