Feed The Birds Huh?

fill the skies

An ill-advised foray into cartooning on Tuesday (after my being away for three days) apparently proved catastrophic. It seems that by abandoning my posts for a few day’s of rest, resulted in an irresponsible cartoonist trying his hand at drawing a comic in my place. This caused a mass exodus from my blog—by all two of you.

Of course, I don’t blame you, you my readers, who have stuck with me through thick and thin. You were merely mislead. However, the person responsible for this act was caught, and will be dealt with… harshly.

Therefore; today’s post is for the birds.

attackThat’s right, the birds, those very same birds who attack our freshly cleaned cars on a daily basis. Oh sure I realize at first glance that this appears as nothing more than a lame attempt, on my part, to try and distract whats left of my devoted readership from the real issue at hand, a bad comic strip attempt..

And, that might be just the sort of thing you would expect, from some unethical blogger.

But not me. I know you would never expect me to stoop to such a disreputable tactic in order to keep you, my readers, from evacuating my blog—the final hope for all mankind.

I think San Francisco should have been our first clue, don’t you? All those seagulls. But, now the coming bird apocalypse is upon us.

For years, as any San Francisco Giants fan can tell you, there has been problems at night games, and that should have been our first hint. From the 7th inning on it’s been “bombs away!” At &t park

And, if you’re not wearing a cap, you’ll be wearing something worse. How long will it be before these seagulls decide eating leftover hotdogs is simply not enough?

bird on a wire.Ever since that movie “The Birds” the bird brains from Alcatraz have been calling the town of Bodega Bay home. On our drive out there this past weekend, we saw one bird after another, on a wire. And whaddya wanna bet they won’t soon wanna make a movie about that! mel

We even saw birds sitting on playground structures, and chasing kids down a hill from the old Bodega school house. In fact, this heavyset bald man was attacked with bird droppings. I offer this untouched photo as proof (however, to protect the poor mans identity, I put his features in shadow). But, this all happened. just as I said. Would I lie to you?

alfredOver the years we have all heard the reports of bird attacks around the world. And now, it has spread to television, movies and sporting events. big birdprehistoricLook at the following photographic evidence.

I think you’ll agree, the photos speak for themselves. And as you can see, I’m not just telling you a story in order to get you back as one of my esteemed, intellectual, super chickenobservant followers

On the contrary, I recognize a pigeon… ah, concerned reader, when I see one. And you my dear friends, know the truth when you hear it. And so, you know I’m not lying when I tell you…

gullsSeagulls… say “Mine, mine, mine” and quite a lot. Yes, I was shocked to hear it too! But, pictures don’t lie! Okay, so these are Pixar gulls, but does it really matter what breed of gull they are? I should think not, as a gull is a gull, animated or otherwise.

“Feed the birds, tuppence a bag” my ass. Buy food, just so they can #%@* all over us?

And, if you’re worried about that irresponsible comic, you know, the would be artist who tried to take over my blog during my absence…well, he’ll give you no more bad comics to read, I can assure you of that. From now on, I’ll be doing them instead, thus; insuring a higher quality product.

'Ready! Aim! Unfriend!'

‘Ready! Aim! Unfriend!’

Oh, about that rank amateur would be comic/artist who took over my blog while I was away. He was promptly, and unceremoniously, executed upon my return today!

Here’s the photo of the execution by computer. Warning… it’s quite graphic. Let this be a warning to other would be cartoonist, trying to take over my blog.

‘Ready! Aim! Unfriend!’


31 comments on “Feed The Birds Huh?

    • Don’t worry Samuel, its only a passing infatuation, sort of like those seagulls overhead. But your devotion is now duly noted, and I will cling to you for blogger survival. I doubt my stats can take another hit. ;O)

  1. We learned the hard way that you never want to feed seagulls! I don’t know if executing cartoonists is legal or not. Did you check your city’s by-laws?

    • Oh, oh! I may have overlooked that, by just a little itty-bitty tiny bit. Thank you Jan… next time I’ll check with the city BEFORE we perform said execution. I’d say I’m sorry to him, but I think it might fall on deaf ears now. ;o)

  2. Birds are sinister creatures. The other day whilst out with my father, we became separated. I tried in vain to find him but after several hours of searching, I was pounced upon by a pelican who scooped me up in his mighty beak and…no…sorry, wait…that was Finding Nemo. My apologies.

  3. Execution??? did your trip warrant such a severe punishment? Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the bird bath this morning…:)

    • LOL,,. Well, perhaps I did overreact just a little bit, George. But you know how a bad mattress can lead to a restless nights sleep. But, as you know, we also run a pretty tight ship around here at the Attic. Its funny, you mentioning me waking up on the other side of the birdbath though. I still can’t figure out how I came to be out there, when I went to bed inside the house? I am not entirely sure that a couple of night owls weren’t responsible for that. ;O)

  4. My father used to have a sailboat. Need I say more? We “lovingly” called them Shit Hawks….

    By the way, this not getting notification of your posts is totally for the birds!

    • I could well understand that. And as for this not getting notifications of my posts, I wish I knew what in the world is going on. Of course my wife would say something like, “Oh, he’s always clueless.” But when it comes to WordPress, I’m always in the dark, and I don’t know if it is something I have done on my end, or not. Although, knowing me, and WordPress, I wouldn’t put it past either of us to have done something silly, or should I have used the other S word?

      • I won’t harass you any more on the subject. Maybe it will fix itself one day. IN the meantime, I will just have to go to my Reader (never usually go there) and pick up on your posts!

      • Well I sure hope whatever is causing it, gets fixed soon. Not to worry, you’re not harassing me, I leave that to the bill collectors, and the Internal Revenue Service. They seem to be experts at that.

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