Mother in-law problems? Old battle- axe got you down? Oh, it’s the father in-law you say, maybe that’s your problem! That old rough rider. Has he decided he’s going to run rough shod over you? Is that what has you down? Well no worries, fortunately I don’t have any in-laws.
You, on the other hand, you’ve got problems. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
That needn’t be a problem for someone like you though, because I’m an entrepreneur. You probably saw the story in the news last week where this man went gunning for an armadillo, but then wound up bagging his mother in-law instead when the bullet ricocheted?
Well when I read this, I immediately went out of my mind—with ideas of course. I know what your thinking… your thinking, this guy is really going somewhere. Doesn’t it just drive you nuts? Don’t you love the suspense?
Okay, okay, okay… here it is.
Suppose someone with a brilliant mind, say someone like me for instance, were to come up with this idea, whereby; I create accidents that happen to difficult in-laws, then I sell them to you? Now lets say, I sell you this foolproof idea, and you run with it.
Mind you now, these would just be accidents, you’d never do anything deliberate! A deliberate ACCIDENT, yes… but never a premeditated accident, no. You’re not an assassin or anything like that, your names not Vinnie, Vito, or Rocco is it? Of course not!
Especially if you were a woman, I mean… that would be totally ridiculous! Your not a woman going by any of those names… are you?
But imagine the accident possibilities, why… they’re practically endless.
Say for example, you have this father in-law—your married, so of course you do. And this father in-law of yours, he’s this crotchety old geezer that never liked you, because you married his daughter. Lets just say, I know where I can lay my hands on this death ray machine.
Now, if this father in-law of yours were a hunter, but unfortunately became the hunted, and went and got himself zapped by, say a death ray… well… you could say, “it must have been aliens!” No one would be the wiser, and you’d be in the clear. And besides, if you were found out, so a couple of aliens got framed… so what! Who likes aliens, right?
Okay, wait, here’s another one. Say your nagging mother in-law is in the market for a new house. You lure her to this demolition sight, see? After the deed is done… she just becomes part of the foundation. That’s how we did it with Jimmy Hoffa, I mean, they… how they did it to Jimmy Hoffa… whoever THEY (not me) are.
Hey… never mind that… remember, this is about your wicked and evil in-laws. Like the father in-law who loves yachting. I know this old guy named Fritz. He lives in South America and happens to own this old U-boat. He still thinks its World War II. Anyway, you could suggest to him that the allies are shipping supplies by yachts… well you get the idea.
And should you ever get caught for trying to off any of your in-laws, I offer a special Monopoly money back guarantee. After all, your not a homicidal maniac, just an in-law, about to become an outlaw. What do you mean, how does that help you? What, tell the authorities that I put you up to it? Me? They’d see right through that, they’d think you were being silly. Why, I hardly know you.
hahaha I shall save these ideas for future use xD
Just remember Barrira… on second thought… just forget you ever heard it from me. ;o)
Don’t you worry about that 😉
I’ll bookmark this page, you may hear from me within the next decade.
Hope I’m still in business… oh not that I’m trying to influence you in any way, or even give you the business. ;o)
Have you filed for your business license yet? LOL ; )
Business license whats that? Oh Jan, your such a kidder. Business license, that’s funny ha, ha, ha, ha… :O)
Ha! I hope your in laws don’t read this!
Thank goodness they’re blind… to anything as devious as this. In any event I wouldn’t have been able to do the post in braille. :O)
Paul…this is quite an interesting suggestion you make. But I’m from Jersey and these “accidents” you speak about have been part of the landscape out here for some time now. We have our own variation of a death ray machine. If you’re really interested in going into the business I might be able to hook you up with a couple of people who may be able to provide direction ong those lines…:)
George you’re the salt of the earth. Do these people know anything about swimming with the fishies, I’ve always wanted to do that.. Well, as long as they are not sharks, that is
Is it strange that this is my favorite line? “Suppose someone with a brilliant mind, say someone like me for instance, were to come up with this idea…” Made me laugh out loud. 🙂
Oh Jodi, I think you’re onto me. By the way… Happy Mothers Day! :O)
Thank you Paul. 🙂
Paul, my mother-in-law is missing and I’ve sent this blog post to the police. You should run. 🏃🚓
Darn! To think I almost didn’t press the publish button on this post. Thanks for the heads up Jody. So I can count on you for an alibi, right? Okay, so here’s the plan…we were at At&T Park at the time of her disappearance, watching the Giants beat the Dodgers. :O)
Officer! He’s right here! Get him!
Jodi, I don’t know how much the reward was for turning me over to the authorities, but I think I can offer you… let me see how much is in my wallet… oh yeah… less. Oh drat :O)
Ahhh, you’re not supposed to tell people about my death ray machine, remember?
Forgive me, but I was just so excited at the idea that one really exist! I promise now to restate the oath I took which I will now repeat, “I do solemnly swear not to tell any human (or in-laws), about the existence of the “Flip Flop Death Ray of Dooooom” with five O’s, or to reveal to anyone (except animals) of its whereabouts up behind the giant Y of the Hollywood sign in the Hollywood Hills. And (taking a deep breath) in keeping with the Loyal Order of Protectors of the “Flip Flop Death Ray of Dooooom with Five O’s”, will suffer a partial singe of one butt cheek should I fail to uphold this oath. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? Ouch!
Well, the damage is done! Marvin the Martian is already on his way to come get it… you, see we might have borrowed the ray gun without asking permission. Thanks for that. 🙂
Oh great, now I’m a wanted human. Oh the risk I take just so others can die laughing. I only hope humanity appreciates the sacrifice I’ve made on behalf of their funny bone. :O)
That first picture is hilarious. You’re so funny.
Oh those gun-toting in-laws, they’ll do anything for a laugh. Thanks Susannah, and I didn’t even have to pay her extra… because I gave her blanks.
You’re one smart dude 🙂
And still breathing because of it. :O)
Making things look like an accident is a mark of a truly professional assassin.
Your so right there X. Bumping off an in-law is not for amateurs, after all, one should get paid to do that.
But only if I can pay you in blog post ‘likes.’
Hmm… let me think about it… Okay I’ve thought about it… YES!!! :O)
I am sure this article is going to be a big help once i get married. 😛 Laughed out loud. You are brilliant. 😉
Many thanks poetry. I’m humbled. :O)