Well… They’re Go The In-Laws

angry in-law

Mother in-law problems? Old battle- axe got you down? Oh, it’s the father in-law you say, maybe that’s your problem! That old rough rider. Has he decided he’s going to run rough shod over you? Is that what has you down? Well no worries, fortunately I don’t have any in-laws.

You, on the other hand, you’ve got problems. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

That needn’t be a problem for someone like you though, because I’m an entrepreneur. You probably saw the story in the news last week where this man went gunning for an armadillo, but then wound up bagging his mother in-law instead when the bullet ricocheted?

Well when I read this, I immediately went out of my mind—with ideas of course. I know what your thinking… your thinking, this guy is really going somewhere. Doesn’t it just drive you nuts? Don’t you love the suspense?

Okay, okay, okay… here it is.

Suppose someone with a brilliant mind, say someone like me for instance, were to come up with this idea, whereby; I create accidents that happen to difficult in-laws, then I sell them to you? Now lets say, I sell you this foolproof  idea, and you run with it.

vitoMind you now, these would just be accidents, you’d never do anything deliberate! A deliberate ACCIDENT, yes… but never a premeditated accident, no. You’re not an assassin or anything like that, your names not Vinnie, Vito, or Rocco is it? Of course not!

Especially if you were a woman, I mean… that would be totally ridiculous! Your not a woman going by any of those names… are you?

But imagine the accident possibilities, why… they’re practically endless.

Say for example, you have this father in-law—your married, so of course you do. And this father in-law of yours, he’s this crotchety old geezer that never liked you, because you married his daughter. Lets just say, I know where I can lay my hands on this death ray machine. death ray

Now, if this father in-law of yours were a hunter, but unfortunately became the hunted, and went and got himself zapped by, say a death ray… well… you could say, “it must have been aliens!” No one would be the wiser, and you’d be in the clear. And besides, if you were found out, so a couple of aliens got framed… so what! Who likes aliens, right?

Okay, wait, here’s another one. Say your nagging mother in-law is in the market for a new house. You lure her to this demolition sight, see? After the deed is done… she just becomes part of the foundation. That’s how we did it with Jimmy Hoffa, I mean, they… how they did it to Jimmy Hoffa… whoever THEY (not me) are.

commanderHey… never mind that… remember, this is about your wicked and evil in-laws. Like the father in-law who loves yachting. I know this old guy named Fritz. He lives in South America and happens to own this old U-boat. He still thinks its World War II. Anyway, you could suggest to him that the allies are shipping supplies by yachts… well you get the idea. u-boat

And should you ever get caught for trying to off any of your in-laws, I offer a special Monopoly money back guarantee. After all, your not a homicidal maniac, just an in-law, about to become an outlaw. What do you mean, how does that help you? What, tell the authorities that I put you up to it? Me? They’d see right through that, they’d think you were being silly. Why, I hardly know you.


34 comments on “Well… They’re Go The In-Laws

  1. Paul…this is quite an interesting suggestion you make. But I’m from Jersey and these “accidents” you speak about have been part of the landscape out here for some time now. We have our own variation of a death ray machine. If you’re really interested in going into the business I might be able to hook you up with a couple of people who may be able to provide direction ong those lines…:)

  2. Is it strange that this is my favorite line? “Suppose someone with a brilliant mind, say someone like me for instance, were to come up with this idea…” Made me laugh out loud. 🙂

    • Forgive me, but I was just so excited at the idea that one really exist! I promise now to restate the oath I took which I will now repeat, “I do solemnly swear not to tell any human (or in-laws), about the existence of the “Flip Flop Death Ray of Dooooom” with five O’s, or to reveal to anyone (except animals) of its whereabouts up behind the giant Y of the Hollywood sign in the Hollywood Hills. And (taking a deep breath) in keeping with the Loyal Order of Protectors of the “Flip Flop Death Ray of Dooooom with Five O’s”, will suffer a partial singe of one butt cheek should I fail to uphold this oath. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? Ouch!

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