Blogger Betrayal Has Struck The Attic!

fleeing

I believed them all when they called me hilarious. I was their gullible slave when they exclaimed that I had the most uproarious (an dare I mention, funny) blog they’d ever read. What a fickle lot bloggers are. What have I done to cause them to flee my attic? I never even had the chance to pull the new fire alarm in my attic!

And now I have an extended lower lip, and a healthy fear that my wife may have been feeding off of all my recent negativity about blogger evacuation, thus, growing more and more powerful every day. If unchecked, it may only be a matter of time (evening or matinee) before I have to recruit “The Avengers” to deal with her.avengers

And while I remained loyal to my followers, they and others abandoned me. Were the grammar police, who advocate Elements of Style as the standard-bearer for all things linguistic, too critical of my every post? Did my readers expect more Pride and Prejudice out of my writing?

Do I look too much like the Travelocity gnome to the extent that I became misidentified as a troll? Did my recent lobotomy give my lack of intellect away?

Oh I wanted to be the king of my own castle (blog), but I also want a Bullwinkle Moose Pez too.

Now, my wife has sent me back to the psychologist for more evaluation. She always does this whenever I get depressed, or want a new pez. She says it’s for my own good, but for some reason… I’m not so sure. I really have got to remember to make that call to “The Avengers” perhaps at a midnight showing.

Anyway, I went along with the two nice men in the white coats. They fitted me with a no arms jacket, and although a very nice gesture, it’s a little uncomfortable. Even more so considering my ensemble. Mental note to self; be sure to ask for an open back robe at the doctors office, more comfortable than this jacket.

As for this couch I’m on, I think it would have been far more comfortable if it didn’t have these ugly straps that I got tangled up in, but… OH HI DOC!

“Good morning, nize to zee youz again. Zo, vhat seems to be za problem zis time?”

I’d like to get the Bullwinkle Moose Pez!  bullwinkle moose pez

“No zat again! It’s Fridayz, Lez no go zare okay. And bezides, az I haz already toldz you befores, visout za Rocket J. Squirrel Pez… zare is no vay to getza better.”

Okay, I’ll see what I can do for you.

“Is zare anyzing elze I can dooz for youz at zis time?”

Well, now that you mention it… I started a blog.

“Oont… zo zat’s vhat troubles you? (whispering) I’m abzolutely zertain that troubles za ozer bloggers?

Oh no, I mean yes, yes because where some write in their blogs about their faith, perhaps a novel, or even poetry I just had to be different.

“I nose zis zabout you. But vhat are you viting about in za blog?”

Humor.

“Ha, ha, ha, ha…”

What’s so funny?

“Zat, youz viting za humor. Youz don’t even knowza vhat za comedy isza, much less za humor? Ha, ha, ha. No vonder you needz my help.”

I don’t need you to write the humor for me, I already know how to do that.

“Zatza vhat you sink.”

Nope, zat, I mean THAT is what I know, but now I’m starting to get rejected by people. People I liked.

“Vell zat shouldn’t bozer you. as you haz lotz of experience wiz zat kindza of sing befores.

But this time it’s different doc. When I started my blog I never worried whether someone would read it, I always figured it was just a matter of time. And then three years later… BINGO, I got a like. Another year later and I had a follower. Before I knew it (one year later) my first response. Today I have 5 followers… ah, left.

“Zo vhat is za ploblem?”

Well on sites I visit regularly, you know, sites where I was once the toast of the town, well now they don’t list my blog as one of the blogs they recommend you go check out.

“Ah yes… za checkout sing somezing you nose alots zabout.”

I mean, I comment all the time on their blogs, as if I really liked what they wrote!

“Based on zat, I can’t imagine wise zay don’t respond back? Tisk, tisk, tisk.”

Are you kidding?

“No… I would nezer do zat, I’m a doctor, remember? Anyzing else?”

Oh, only, do you think I’m getting paranoid?

Jay Leno“Getting? Nooo… no, no dear boy… I sink youz already za paranoid. I’ve toldz you zis from za start. Maybe zee’s evacuees… maybe zay sink youz no Jay Leno.”

You know I really think there’s definitely a language problem between us. And how in the world am I suppose to know Jay Leno? Who is crazy now doc, huh?

“Oh look… it looks like vee are outs of za time!”

I seem to be a little stuck here doc.

“Oh don’t bozer trying to get zup off za gurney… ah… couch. Just let zees nice men vheel you to your new padded zell, ah… room.”

Okay, thanks doc!

“Zatsa good boy.”

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41 comments on “Blogger Betrayal Has Struck The Attic!

  1. Haha of course you’ve been tricked by everyone! Good luck getting to the Avengers, make sure your psychologist doesn’t think you’re planning world domination and trying to become the villain (i.e. a troll) 😛

    • Ah, so you’ve seen through my little plan have you? So Ultron (alias, afellowhumanray), is it to be a duel to the death from my padded cell in the psyche ward, where I am strapped down to a couch that they call a gurney? Or shall we wait until I recover from my current bout with insanity (which may take years possibly decades), and wage a war of words in German, or is my psychologist Austrian, I can never tell? What is it to be… needles at the ready! :O)

  2. Ha! I just had this same conversation with my husband. I’m loyal to a few bloggers who don’t include me on their list. It is irritating considering I don’t see their list commenting on their blogs and they’re not even in the same genre… What’s up with that? Oh no… Now I need the Avengers.

    • Not to worry Susie, we’ll form a pact and turn The Avengers loose on our behalf! Ah ha!!! Soon the blogging world will be ours, and those who would not respond to our comments, or put our blogs on their favorites list, or press the like button on our every post, and otherwise ignored us, will be brought to ruin! Or we can brown nose them and pretend we love every letter of the alphabet that they write, because we are not worthy… Personally, now that I paused long enough to take a breath… I think I like my first idea better. :O) Have a fantastic weekend Susie!

  3. You gotta get that Bullwinkle Pez! I can never tell which posts are going to get a lot of views and which will just die on the vine so I just write what I feel and try not to worry about it.

  4. You know, Paul, some people are just intimidated by genius. Others who happen to be very simple in their approach to life just can’t understand or appreciate the depths of your humor and personality. We just have to feel sorry for those people. They may not be here anymore but my guess is, they never were. Remember, it’s not quantity, it’s quality. I’m sure you’ve heard that many times before…:)

    • You right George, and when you’re a comic genius and unappreciated you know what I need to do. I needed to get a bigger loan. Tomorrow I will go out and get that money, and then I’ll be able to bribe those former followers to come back. I think that’s going to do it George. Have a great weekend George! :o)

  5. It’s not just you, maybe it’s the lovely weather, or the big fight this weekend, the Derby, the Royal Baby, who knows, but the bottom has dropped out of WordPress for most bloggers that I can see – all the numbers are down. Maybe they’ll come back, who knows, until then, just keep doing what you do, those of us who are loyal are still here. 🙂

  6. Oh My! Hahahaha. I don’t believe those 5 followers who left, maybe they still need to know what humor is. Also, not everyone is appreciative of incredible humor. Cheer up, you got a new follower. 😀

    PS. Itz waz sucz a good reaz! Keep Iz Up!

    • Kritika, I had no idea you spoke Swahili as well as my Australian, but German speaking doctor! All I can say is, thank goodness I speak fluid Albanian which allows me to understand your very thick French accent. As for the nefarious 5 readers who thought that abandoning my blog would benefit them, the river of tears I cried left them paddling up the Nile River without a paddle. We’ll see how they handle reading Dutch humor when they finally reach Peru since they only know how to read Italian! Ha, take that traitors! Your a very wise girl, and your recognition of my stupid, I mean stupendous writing (which passes for humor, especially in Sweden) is much appreciated here at the Egyptian blog pronounced as “In my Cluttered Attic” thank goodness you read Braille.

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