Dear Kermit the Frog:
As a long time fan, and worshiper of all things Muppet, I just thought you should know, some frog is impersonating you.
He’s living down under. No not in Australia, but in the rainforest of Costa Rica, and he is trying to make a big name for himself by telling anyone who will listen that you’re an imposter. I know, the nerve!
I really look up to you Kermit, except when I look down on you. I mean, if you asked me, this frog doesn’t look anything like you. He doesn’t have your commanding presence, noble aristocratic flair, or fleece covered body and ping pong ball eyes!
Oh sure some of us might bear a striking similarity to someone else, perhaps even a famous movie star.
And have you noticed how the critics, press, and paparazzi always make you stars look bigger than life. But I must admit, when I first met you in Disneyland you were much smaller than I expected. I know I shouldn’t have been surprised. Have you ever met Tom Cruise? Now there’s a big star who’s small.
But back to you Kermit. I feel as if I’ve really come to know you by watching you closely in all eight of your movies, and other countless television appearances.
I hope you don’t think I’m a stalker or anything, just because I watch your every move through the hidden cameras I had installed in your home by an unscrupulous repair man, who shall remain nameless. I only have your best interest at heart.
But back to this imposter who claims to be you. I found out his real name is Hyalinobatrachium dianae. No its not Italian. I think it might be Argentinian though. I’m not sure, but I’m almost sure, well maybe I’m uncertain, but it could be an alias.
Well why else would he make use of all 26 letters of the alphabet—and then some? See… I may be on something, onto something I mean.
Some biologist going by the name of Brian Kubicki,—if that’s his real name—says he discovered the real Kermit (Hyalinobatrachium dianaehanging) hanging out without another Muppet in sight in that Costa Rican rainforest.
He even makes the claim that you can see the food he eats being digested, because he has a see through stomach. He dubbed him a glass frog. I think the whole thing is preposterous!
If I were you Kermit, I’d be asking Mr. Kubicki what he’d be doing hanging out in a Costa Rican rainforest, when a big shot biologist like him could have been exploring the more hospitable Rainforest Cafe instead?
Maybe we could discuss filing a possible lawsuit against Mr. Kubicki for defamation of character or something, over some Frog legs and a Merlot.
Oh, don’t get me wrong Kermie, may I call you Kermie? I’m not suggesting in any way that you’re a cannibal.