Dear Kermit the Frog:
As a long time fan, and worshiper of all things Muppet, I just thought you should know, some frog is impersonating you.
He’s living down under. No not in Australia, but in the rainforest of Costa Rica, and he is trying to make a big name for himself by telling anyone who will listen that you’re an imposter. I know, the nerve!
I really look up to you Kermit, except when I look down on you. I mean, if you asked me, this frog doesn’t look anything like you. He doesn’t have your commanding presence, noble aristocratic flair, or fleece covered body and ping pong ball eyes!
Oh sure some of us might bear a striking similarity to someone else, perhaps even a famous movie star.
For example; on a good day, I look like Brad Pitt. But for the exception of his facial features and his body, we’d be almost identical.
And have you noticed how the critics, press, and paparazzi always make you stars look bigger than life. But I must admit, when I first met you in Disneyland you were much smaller than I expected. I know I shouldn’t have been surprised. Have you ever met Tom Cruise? Now there’s a big star who’s small.
Anyway, I understand it’s not easy being green, especially in Hollywood. Just look at how many bad Hulk movies they had to make before they found Mark Ruffalo.
But back to you Kermit. I feel as if I’ve really come to know you by watching you closely in all eight of your movies, and other countless television appearances.
I hope you don’t think I’m a stalker or anything, just because I watch your every move through the hidden cameras I had installed in your home by an unscrupulous repair man, who shall remain nameless. I only have your best interest at heart.
But back to this imposter who claims to be you. I found out his real name is Hyalinobatrachium dianae. No its not Italian. I think it might be Argentinian though. I’m not sure, but I’m almost sure, well maybe I’m uncertain, but it could be an alias.
Well why else would he make use of all 26 letters of the alphabet—and then some? See… I may be on something, onto something I mean.
Some biologist going by the name of Brian Kubicki,—if that’s his real name—says he discovered the real Kermit (Hyalinobatrachium dianaehanging) hanging out without another Muppet in sight in that Costa Rican rainforest.
He even makes the claim that you can see the food he eats being digested, because he has a see through stomach. He dubbed him a glass frog. I think the whole thing is preposterous!
If I were you Kermit, I’d be asking Mr. Kubicki what he’d be doing hanging out in a Costa Rican rainforest, when a big shot biologist like him could have been exploring the more hospitable Rainforest Cafe instead?
Maybe we could discuss filing a possible lawsuit against Mr. Kubicki for defamation of character or something, over some Frog legs and a Merlot.
Oh, don’t get me wrong Kermie, may I call you Kermie? I’m not suggesting in any way that you’re a cannibal.
I’m sure Kermie will appreciate your in-depth investigative journalism on his behalf! Glass frog – oh dear!
I know what you mean. Glass frogs? What’s the world coming to. Don’t worry though Jan. I’ll vindicate Kermie (not suggesting that we are anything more than attorney and client) and for a nice tidy (astronomical) fee.
LOL It ain’t easy being green…
Doesn’t it make you feel pea green with envy? ;O)
What will Miss Piggy think?
Oh yes I read about the impost. As always brilliantly funny 🙂
Thank you Barrira! :o)
Nice of you to give him a warning, we have to look out for each other round here.
All are little swamp creatures can use an occasional heads up. I’m not looking for any financial rewards from Kermie mind you… well, maybe just a little.
A little would be nice, especially if you’re sharing your frog legs with him.
I would never deny Kermie a chance to break bread with me, even some Frog Legs. :O)
You do know that with the frog legs a nice clean slice is much preferred to a break, right?
I do now!
Kermie’s legs are kinda skinny though, probably not much meat on them.
Oh I hate when that happens.
I’m sure he hates it worse than you
You’re a stalker. I repeat, you’re a stalker. Don’t try to deny it. It’s okay…it’s a medical condition that can’t be helped. It’s called “i-watch-all-the-muppet-movies-and-shows-then-blog-about-them-so-that-makes-me-a-stalker-itis”. Kermit, run!!! 🙂 (Funny post…hee hee.)
I beg your pardon Queen Aej! I’m only concerned over the well-being of celebrity frogs. Is it my fault that Kermit is the only one of his kind? :O)
LOL! And I look like Jessica Alba – except for the face and body! 🙂
LOL. :O) Oh… you got that part huh Jodi. My wife also thinks I’m delusional. :O)
lol…Kermie? My head hurts from reading this. I can’t imagine how the quadrants in your mind survive this daily onslaught.
Well its not easy. Oh, my attendants are reminding me its time for my meds again. I’ll be right back George, just as soon as I can figure out how to get out of this new jacket they gave me with no arms.
That “fleece-covered-body” gets me every time. 🙂
I wished I had one too. Until that happens though, I’ll just have to rough with this Brad Pitt body I was cursed with. Oh woe is me!
It’s a Pitt’y (ha) you suffer so…
That’s very punny.
Laughed out loud at the fleece covered body/ping pong ball eyes part!
😀 Yeah, how can that glass frog imposter compete with a body like that?
Thanks for bringing this to my attention. Next thing we know, there will be a discovery of an imposter Miss Piggy in Guatemala.
An imposter pig in Guatemala, how did I miss that! I gotta get right on this. There is some serious bacon to be made from that swine!
What a fun post!
Thank you Jay, welcome to my attic. By the way, there’s no escape hatch. ;O)