“Champagne Wishes And Caviar Dreams”

champagne and caviar

A lot of you know Robin Leach for uttering those words. As for the rest of you, you’re no doubt asking “Who the hell is Robin Leach, and what in the world are you talking about?”

Neanderthals!

cavemanEarly man (better known as, Grog) knew nothing of either champagne, or caviar. Lets be honest here (my last post was about lying); the cave-dwellers didn’t know anything at all. Except maybe a little about dinosaurs, and that has absolutely nothing to do with champagne and caviar.dino

So class, don’t tell me that champagne has lots of bubbles, and caviar is little more than tiny fish eggs. This will force me to emulate John Houseman in the “The Paper Chase” and say to you, “Text your mother and tell her you are having serious doubts about ever becoming Armen Petrossian.”ap

For those former students of this class who texted their mother’s, he’s a caviar expert, who happens to look a little like actor John Astin.

So we have eliminated Grog as being the founder of fish eggs, or we have at least not been able to prove that he and Mrs. Grog didn’t patent the discovery of them.

And students, I want you to ponder this for a moment. You have baited your hook, tossed your line—waited patiently for a bite—all in an attempt to catch non-pasteurized roe from the Caspian, or Black Sea. Who in the hell does that? No one from this class!

caviar is prettyOh sure caviar is pretty, but as I stare out at your bewildered faces I sense you haven’t a clue as to how, when, or even who discovered baby Sterlet, Ossetra, Sevruga, and Beluga eggs.

Why, you ask, do I want to know?

Some questions are best left unanswered, but not the question of how caviar became a delicacy, because Iran is the largest producer of the stuff.

Ah-ha! Now I have your attention, don’t I?

When a country like Iran wants the bomb, and has a commodity of fish eggs in high demand on the open market, inquiring minds want to know how an hors d’oeuvre merits such a high price tag, when it taste like yuck? iran and bomb

pretentiousSure, the pretentious and wealthy (they’re both the same) want us to feel we are missing out on some special garnish that only snobs (with so-called, acquired taste) would find delicious. But there is more than meets the tongue here, I can assure you.

Why at this very minute, don’t be surprised if North Korea isn’t trying to obtain mother of pearl caviar spoons in order to throw off UN inspectors from tasting tainted caviar, or a caviar substitute not from an endangered sturgeon.

See, I’ve done my homework, now you kids do yours.

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22 comments on ““Champagne Wishes And Caviar Dreams”

  1. I thought there wa a point early on but then there was a twist and another point which led to the point of the story. Now I have homework to do but I’m undecided if I should eat caviar while I study or just have a banana. Decision, decisions.

    • Well George, without the mother of pearl spoons I don’t recommend the caviar. And we have to make sure those spoons don’t fall into the wrong hands, so if you have them keep them locked up. Your assignment is due Monday. :O)

    • I understand Joey. Its okay, we will just have to make allowances in your case. I can sympathize with people with your kind of addiction. Its not your fault you can’t help it, I know. Keep this under your hat, but I suffer from the same affliction. ;O)

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