brainI think the title of this post was stolen from me.

When the quality of a post is in question you have to blame the writer—but not so in my case. And it’s a terrible thing when you decide you have to take legal action against someone, especially when it’s someone close to you. Particularly when that someone happens to be your own brain.

You see in recent weeks, and on more than one occasion, I have had some wonderful ideas, many of which would have made a great posted addition to mine, or any other blog. However; my brain has turned to a life of crime.

I know what your thinking; he’s just making excuses for his blog. Well I’m not. In fact; I’m not going to make any excuses for my brain either—because it’s a thief!thief

In some countries when someone steals from you they chop their hands off. But this is not just anybody we’re talking about, this is my brain, and it doesn’t have any hands—or a body for that matter.

I hear some of you right now saying; “He’s lost his mind!”

Well, you’d be wrong. You see, I’m left handed, and left-handed people are the only ones in their right mind. Besides its not my mind in question here, its my brain, and its not missing, for how else could it steal from me if it were absent?

And I’m not brain dead either.

Perhaps your thinking that this is just another hair-brained scheme to sue someone in court for lots of money? Nothing could be further from the truth—I’m suing my brain, its not suing me.

All I can say is; my brain has got a lot of nerve if it thinks it can steal my ideas and get away with it, I mean—where’s it gonna go, right?

These are the facts.

And the evidence continues to mount. I got suspicious when I started to notice that whenever I would get a great idea, it would slip my mind. The next thing you know, it would get locked away in my brain. Trying to retrieve these ideas then became nearly impossible.

For example: The other night I was having a terrible time coming up with an idea for a post. Suddenly, as I was drifting off to sleep, this brilliant idea came to me. As I was exhausted (and nearly asleep), I tried repeating the idea to myself until I found myself fast asleep.

When I woke up, try as I might, I couldn’t recall the idea at all—it had been stolen by my brain.

I’m convinced that my brain is behind the hijacking of many of my dreams as well, and I’m willing to bet I’m not alone in this theory. Just ask yourself; how many dreams do you actually remember upon waking up? Maybe we can bring a class action suit against this little three pound menace?judge

Uh-huh… tell me I’m not on something now? I mean ONTO something.

Whaddya mean I need a rest? Of course I need a rest. I haven’t slept a wink since I figured out who (I mean) or what, has been stealing my ideas!

See you in court Medulla Onblongata, or whatever part of you it is that’s stealing from me.

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14 comments on “

  1. If left-handed people are the only ones in their right mind, did that mean that right-handed people don’t have any brains left? No wonder there are so many dumbasses out there… :’P

  2. As another fellow left hander I can understand your frustration. Since we are the brightest of the general population we must find a way to tackle this problem head on. ( no pun intended) A class action lawsuit is always a possibility but we’re too smart to trust this to an attorney and the legal system. There’s always Siri, of course, but she can be temperamental at times. You know how that goes. This is a serious conundrum you bring up, Paul. We may need a national left handlers conference to discuss and resolve this very difficult topic. I propose it take place in Hawaii, where we can have a relaxed conversation with our brains and each other.

    • And being as this is a most troubling problem, I think it may require a conference of 2 or 3 weeks, as opposed to the usual conference time of 2 or 3 days. Yes I agree George, we can’t trust this kind of legal action with inferior minded right-handers, attorneys, or entities like Siri. No, this calls for superior intelligence. One with an understanding of questions and answers. Someone like… Ken Jennings! Oh we’re totally gonna own this.

  3. I think it is your hippocampus that is to blame, but a good lawyer will bring in the pre-frontal cortex and the corpus callosum, in addition to all the others, you know, just because. Maybe mediation would work…?

    • I might have known that if only I knew which one was stolen, the left or the right? But what I’m concerned about now is what a bad lawyer will bring into the case. Oh if only I didn’t have Paulziemers.

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