What’s On Your Mind?

mindreading

Before you read this post, I already know what you’re thinking. First you’ll chuckle to yourself, and then you’ll react with sarcasm. “Yeah sure. Really? Oh yeah right.” I concede that a few of you might find yourself curious, possibly amused by what am about to say. Why you ask?

Because I’m a mind reader.

Skeptics should take this moment to do their laughing. Now I grant you I’m not the best mind reader in the world—I’m only the eleventh best. I suppose a few of you think you’re able to read minds too, perhaps you fancy yourself as the best mind reader in the world—but surely you jest?

Now I’m not claiming to be a know it all, unless of course you’re in the habit of deceiving yourself—after all, I only read minds. However; I do adhere to some very simple rules when it comes to checking out what’s going on in your heads.

For instance; I do my very best to never intrude on anyone when they are deeply disturbed. That could end badly, especially for me—particularly if you’re out of your mind at the time. If a person is in a coma I stay completely out. Besides nothing would be gained in there anyway. Mentally ill? Definitely not!

Also I never enter a persons mind when they are fast asleep either, they could be having a nightmare. Certainly don’t want to get in the middle of one of those.

For another, I try not to read the mind of anyone having a headache, after all I don’t want one too. And I avoid reading the minds of couples while they are kissing, I believe three’s a crowd—plus it gets messy in there. Okay, I might do it—but only when I’m attracted to you.

Propriety? What’s that?

One more thing you should know—I never read minds unless I get a six figure income. I guess this post is over.

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41 comments on “What’s On Your Mind?

  1. I was a professional mentalist before I had a career change. (Yes there’s really a profession like that.)

  2. Since I love magic but never practiced it, I’ve enjoyed reading this interaction between the two of you. As for mind reading, I saw a list recently where you were listed in the top ten by IAM-R. How and when did you drop down to eleventh place? Is there a place we can vote to move you back up on the list? Do you need someone to witness a major mind reading event like a miracle for sainthood? Can you tell what I’m thinking right now?

    • George, I’m thinking you are thinking that you’re pretty funny… and you’d be right! Ever since I read their minds I knew who they were going to put on their top ten list. I’ve been sitting at number eleven ever since. They really like readers of minds who read minds correctly. I’m thinking I should have lied to them, since the list is fixed until someone dies. I’m now plotting the demise of the ten, and hoping they don’t read minds as well as I do. If you would like to be witness to the murders (whoops I mean miracles) I’d be delighted to have you as an accomplice. :O)

      • Actually, Paul…I’m from New Jersey. I don’t want to promote any misconceptions or stereotypes but, well, I happen to know a guy. So if it’s miracles you’re looking for that can move you up that list, please let me know. I’d be happy to make a phone call for you which will remedy this situation and quickly move you to the top. Of course any evidence of these miracles will also be be removed accordingly. No payment in any form is necessary or expected. Consider it a friendly favor. Though there may come a time in the future where I may call on you to assist with a miracle. I’m sure you understand how that works.

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