We’re Doomed…Well Guess We Better Move Then

universe collapse

Well, my wife and I have begun house hunting, no doubt like the rest of you. With the news this week—as reported ever so ominously, from AOL news, that physicists have discovered our universe will “cosmologically collapse” inward, SOONER rather than later—we thought we’d better get a move on.

Not that I was expecting anything at all mind you, and especially an event laced with so much urgency. But you have to pay attention these days, particularly when AOL reports news with phrases like…

“Telling find may surprise you” meaning it won’t even startle you. And, “Huge secret you’ll never believe” meaning you could care less about it. Or, “Stunning fact that will shock you” meaning that if it were in fact a fact, you’d only be shocked if you were a moron.

Nevertheless, since physicists say we only have a few tens of billions of years left here in our old universe, we’re just going to have to move to another one I guess.

So my wife and I have decided to get cracking on this moving thing, as we would like to at least live long enough to see our social security checks kick in.

I hate packing up to move, don’t you? There is only one thing I hate more (relatively speaking that is—as I actually hate a lot more than one thing, but we don’t have time to go there now), and that’s unpacking.

Guys, have you ever noticed how everything always just sits in your garage after a move—waiting to be unpacked. That’s because we’re waiting for our wives to tell us to go do it, which she eventually will do.

Psst! FYI usually this sort of thing only happens during something like… the Super Bowl. So be prepared.

It’s always difficult to move anyway—particularly into a new universe. There’s always so much planning involved when you move to a new area. Initially you feel alien to your new surroundings, not to mention your new neighbors, and vice-versa.

Also, getting your kids registered for school, hoping they fit in with all the new classmates. Likewise you’ll have new neighbors coming over to meet and eat (I mean), greet you.new neighbor.

moving itemsAnd then there’s all the arrangements needed for making the move.

Like setting up a time with the movers (NASA) for carefully loading the rental rocket so that none of your valuables get broke during the move—however; this does not exclude you from going broke. Let’s face it, this kind of move can’t be cheap.

I only hope (as you probably do) that we’ll have enough time for the move, what with (checking my watch), ONLY a few billions of years before the great collapse.

Thanks AOL News for your timely (and ominous) warning.


14 comments on “We’re Doomed…Well Guess We Better Move Then

  1. Almost every one of my moves, I used packers. They swoop in, and the next day the moving truck comes. I look at it this way: It’s cheaper than the insanity that follows when you have to seek therapy for PTPD (post traumatic packing disorder).

  2. Times a wastin’ then … get a move on. (By the way, that illustration of the man trying to keep the door shut on all his belongings trying to burst out … looks awful familiar. Have you been to our house lately?) 😉

  3. I have already picked out the Universe I plan to move to when the time comes… Third star to the right and straight on till morning… I am even packing my pirate hat.

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