I Wanna Be A Loser!

swag bag


I wanna be a loser—in most things in life I usually am but, no one ever gives me anything for it.


Am I jealous? Well of course I am. Give me money give me gifts, give me anything I want, and even some things I don’t want. Why? Because I’m a loser! I only want my fair share, or my unfair share, or your share, but I want a share, any share, and I want those shares NOW.

sniffle, sniffle…

Now you may be asking yourself, what possibly could have set this big cry-baby off? Why is this loser asking for anything? This guy whines too much.

If he’s this incredible loser—like he say’s—then he’s not entitled to money, gifts or glittering baubles.

Well that’s where your wrong, blogosphere breath!

You see, you don’t have to come in first to come out on top, just ask the “Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences” about that one. It pay’s to lose an Oscar.

At the Academy Awards tonight, of those who have nominations in the major award categories, the winners only get an Oscar.

However the group that does not win gets all the loot! These … are my kind of people. And boy do they make out like bandits.

Johnny … tell em what they’ve won—by way of losing.

Well, there’s a box of luxury condoms for $56 and no, I’m not kidding. Then we have a hormone shot (would I lie, and again, no I’m not) called O-shot—only … $5ooo. But wait, we have more—as if you ever doubted me—a vibrator made by Afterglow for $250, no wonder they call it afterglow.

But what I’m really after is the acne treatment they get from Coral Active, a $50 value yours, for only—FREE!

No wonder they call these … “Swag Bags” if I received one of these bags for losing—street value a paltry $165,000—I’d be walking with swagger too!

Luxury camping trips, gold bikes, luxury train rides, a 3 day stay at a luxury resort in Tuscany, I mean, this is just the tip of the luxury you find when you go digging into one of these little bags. Digging through my wife’s purse should be so much fun—its Christmas!

For crying out loud movie studios, “Stop campaigning to win—you dummies—start your film campaign’s with a goal towards losing.”

Then when you get angry after being defeated, you’ll throw out the leftovers from the bag’s, and then after doing a little dumpster diving, I can turn around and sell those LUXURY items for a tidy profit on eBay. “Hooray for Hollywood!”


13 comments on “I Wanna Be A Loser!

  1. Wohooo
    I’d love to lose after your post!
    Or make my loser friends read it when they lose, yet again

    You’ve made losing fun.. Yahoooo
    Great great Paul
    I’m heading to office right now and I give a damn if they pay me lesser hike in coming April

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