An Open Letter To Experimental Drug Companies

rx

Yo…drug companies, I’m in search of drugs, so be warned!

For the record (that would be medical, and please don’t lose them), I have had a little itis of late which has become a real pain in my butt—among other areas.

Now I’ve seen more than enough television in my time—curious about that, what qualifies as enough—anyway, enough to know that you guys run quite a few ads for new drugs that cure everything. Even some ailments that haven’t come along yet.

And I might add (since it is the only math computation I’m really capable of) most of the drug ads you see and hear on television, occur primarily during early morning programming, which is geared to attract the attention of those who are housebound or octogenarians.

Not that I have a problem with either group, but Mr. Harris, my octogenarian neighbor, always seems to move faster to his front door when I try to say hi to him, this in spite of the fact that he uses a walker. My wife say’s its just that he’s hard of hearing… but I wonder.

Anyway I belong to neither of those groups; therefore, I need to have you run more ads in the evening when I might be home in order to find the one that will cure me.

You know the kind of ads I mean, ads where you folks quickly minimize the danger of the side effects that might accompany a particular drug. The kind of side effects that MIGHT be worse than the ailment itself. But don’t worry, I understand why you do this. Mums the word.

I understand modern medicine can do remarkable things…but for a price—and usually at a price most of us cannot afford. Now, I’m not concerned about one of your experimental drugs because I know you already tried them on the wealthy—seeing that they are the only ones who can afford them in the first place.

Not that I’m complaining mind you, I know you have to make a profit off the backs of the extremely wealthy, even if it means that a few of the filthy rich will be sacrificed in the process. But these are  acceptable losses I can live with (literally), while you companies make the profits you need.

So I’ll send you the name of my itus, and when you folks find the cure to it, just send me the hectrocycoline, bromioproxidol, robliotuda, or whatever mide you happen to come up with, and I’ll arrange to make the payments.

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

 

 

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16 comments on “An Open Letter To Experimental Drug Companies

  1. The sex drugs are aired at night. You know for erectile dysfunction and additional stimulation and stuff like that. Makes me think the drug companies don’t believe the octogenarians have sex. Seems to me that would be a healthy market to tap. I’m sure they would buy the drugs if they remember what sex is. My husband’s favorite drug ad was on 5 or 6 years ago. It was for a weight loss drug which was subsequently pulled. In the fast voice at the end it said side effects include uncontrollable spontaneous diarrhea. I’d rather be chubby than have multiple public accidents. I’ve often wondered about those guys who get a boner for more than 4 hours from THAT med.

    • LMAO…you lost me Kate to uncontrollable laughter at “I’d rather be chubby than have multiple public accidents.” After I recovered from that one, then you tried to get me thinking again with the 4 hour boner! I don’t think a man could show his face in public like that… say nothing of showing off his pants!!!

  2. Okay…this is written with a lot of facts and ststs in mind.
    I’m furious at these companies now:(Although, I have always thought “who buys these artificial ad products”..haha
    Nice eye opener, Paul! 🙂

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