Ghostly Revelations


Do you believe in ghost? Come on, admit it, after you saw us in “Ghostbusters”—you believed, you know you did. And yet, sadly, for some time now, we ghost have had to do our business in the shadows.

No, I’m not talking about us going ass-goblens or whizzing when we have to void. As much as you may not wish to run into one of us—no autographs please—I expect you’d really hate to run into one of us during one of those moments. Talk about your going bump in the night… ew!

Ectoplasm is messy enough, thank you very much, and neither of us need that kind of ghostly encounter.

And let’s face it,— that would be really paranormal.

So you wanna know what has us pesky poltergeist burning the midnight oil of late? Paranormal investigators that’s what.

Another pet peeve? Well, I get so frustrated, when I see those current gas prices. Oh the money I could have saved if I hadn’t passed away.

But as I was saying,.. for centuries we restless spirits roamed cemeteries, castles, and dilapidated hollows in the fullhaunted house knowledge that we could scare up and give anybody the business—well now I guess we have.

Casper move over, things have gotten really spooky. In fact downright dead—the living wonder where we are, or if we have been spirited away? With all the noise those paranormal investigators make, I’m having a lousy night life, not to mention little sleep.

With paranormal investigations no longer a cottage industry, we spirits need not apply. We’re begining to doubt our own existence.

With “Ghost Hunters,” Ghost Adventures,” and “Paranormal Witness,” we’re in a “Paranormal State” of non-being. No longer is it we specters and apparitions doing the haunting. Instead it’s been guys like Jason, Grant, and Zak keeping us up late at night with ridiculous comments.

I love this one, “You can come out, you don’t need to be afraid of us.” like that would ever happen. You’re just damn irritating is all. Asking me to turn on a flashlight. How hard can it be, especially when you leave the top loose, besides you left the batteries in it.

If you really want to be impressed, take the batteries out and watch me light it up! And FYI… we don’t need to drain the batteries on other equipment to materialize. Did it ever occur to you that maybe we wanted to be left alone, particularly at all hours of the night.

It’s we astral-beings who have become the phantoms, and it’s because of you guys.

Bet you paranormal investigator’s are scaring up some pretty good cash right now too. And it’s not just you ghostbusters.

How about those guys who create the devices for you to hunt with, bet they’re scaring up plenty of business.

That ghost equipment probably cost you a small-mint, but no worries though, those TV executives can afford it, you’re making them money. Your shows are cheap to produce, low overhead means big profits. That kind of money was never lying around when I was alive.

EVP Recorder? Give me a small break will ya. All the voices on those things sound electronic, you try it sometime. On second thought don’t, you already speak in monotone. A laser grid for $100, hell you don’t need that for me to cast a shadow. All I need do is step between some light and a wall, and viola!

And a thermal camera for $500. Look, that ain’t me you’re picking up, I’m cold, or have you forgot—I have no blood dummy. And we ghost despise that spirit-box, and for $100? You were taken buddy, those things are totally worthless. They only produce the same sound as your radio would, if it were between

If you guys continue making noise at all hours of the night we’ll not only get tired, we’ll never R.I.P.


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